Fathers Day

I love my Dad.
He has been my hero since I can remember, he played cricket, rugby, soccer, golf with me when I was a kid.
He watched me playing for many years and when I received provincial colours for two sports, he was the proudest dad in the world.

As I got older we kept this bond and I recall spending many hours watching sport, braaiing and running with him.

Then Dad got sick.

It was just a shake in his right hand and leg initially. But it got worse, he got sicker and he started getting older and more fragile.
Dad had Parkinson's and the shaking got worse.

Then his brain started breaking as well, all this time my Mom never left his side and even now cares for him. I couldn't bear to see him like this, it hurt, it was sad and I felt so guilty for feeling this way.
I found it easier to avoid it than to confront it, the emotions were too real, too raw and my hero was a shadow of his former self.
I couldn't even apologise because he wouldn't understand, sometimes he thought I was still a kid and he would ask my Mom when I was coming home from school.

Today is also Dads bithday, 71.

Love you Dad, I so want to rewind time and have a conversation with you again. I try not to cry when I think of you and I dread my visit in July.
Not because of seeing my folks and particular my Dad, but because of the flood of emotions and I don't think I am ready for this.

Happy Birthday and Happy Fathers Day Dad.

I love you.