Beer Breasted Banters

I feel as I have been dragged behind Santa's sleigh since I have returned in January.

Firstly I am from Africa, I love the sun almost enough to exposed my now bleached unrippled torso to it, however I have teenage daughters who love me, but have social lives.
The days of skipping through shopping malls and pretending that I am unable to speak English seem to be over for now, I shall have to hide these superpowers until I am a grandpa and then full havoc will occur.

So what have I been doing, well I went to a beer festival in the lovely little town of Clarens in the Free State. It opened at 10 am and by 11 am I had made new friends, bought ladies in distress beer and solicited a kiss from a married woman in return for ale, I do so very much love beer. I had a Canon DSLR and spent large periods between tastings meeting people, chatting to them and taking their photos

There was the barman from Kwazulu Natal that I named Florence for his inability to produce his female assistant, he served me 3 ales and we discussed rugby, beer and why he was in fact wearing trousers when a skirt would enhance his legs so much better.
The crew from Mitchells Brewery were by far the winners and not only was their beer the best, smoothest and brought back memories of my robust post matric and army days, it was like kissing the person of your dreams, slow, gentle and sweet, growing in strength and passion until it consumes you with love and warmth as only beer can.
There was a stage where you want to hug all around you and bury your head in the ample bosoms of all the amazingly beautiful women around me, the problem was that what I saw in reality and what I saw through the camera lens led me to believe that coffee was required immediately. Yes I had already proposed to a very special lady and she was no longer talking to me.

So off to the town square and many unsuspecting characters who would be greeted, charmed and then shot Canon style. I congratulated a man who had misplaced his wife somewhere in a shop and we joked, pretended to look for here and parted laughing.
There was the coffee shop owner who was intimidated by his wife, a rare dark haired beauty who was still at the beer festival taking photos, we spoke of marriage and the role of the submissive wife in todays society, he laughed nervously and glanced over his shoulder as if he expected a beating soon.
Onto the SAB man from Cape Town with his wife and so nice to see them enjoy a cup of coffee together, these are the moments that I treasure, middle aged teenagers talking to each other as they smile  and share a special moment together.


Oh and then the noisy shop, an outlet that sold African hand-crafted musical instruments. As I approached the shop I heard noise that seemed to suggest that there were a troop of toddlers let loose and that their parents were either deaf or just exhausted, to my surprise it was an elderly couple causing all the chaos. I attempted to banish them to the naughty corner and was greeted with a look of shock, they explained that they were buying presents for their grandchildren and we laughed, I had no choice but to join them and of course photograph them.

There was the biker guy who was happy to be shot but his biker chick disapproved so he returned to his drink and would no longer speak to me, the African shopkeeper who sold me an elephant and tried to convince me to buy a camel, I dont mind camels but could never eat a whole one so I declined.

I left the town square and re-entered the beer festival, first I attempted to convince a policewoman to frisk me, her male colleagues laughed and she simply blushed and told me to go have a beer, as I have the utmost respect for the law I obliged. The costumed folk had arrived and so to the youngsters who had just surfaced from the previous evenings adventures, I bought some young men a few beers and they posed for me with smiles emulating those of lottery winners, watched a 2 man band doing a rendition of Stairway to Heaven that made me wish that my companion for the day was a lovely lady and not a 130kg friend and took some more pics as I made my way out and back to the ghost town named Bethlehem.

It was a most enjoyable and spectacular day