Karma Says . . .

Dear Ted,

Thank you for your letter and enquiries, I thought it better to respond as such and not in person. For reasons unknown to me, my presence seems to alarm folk.

1. There is no priority and my email system does not have a junk folder, but rather files the cases in order of Karma Retribution and Justice.
I do however hand pick 9 special cases a day for my pleasure and amusement.
2. There is no expiry date to the cases, however sometimes I leave it and see if the parties show any remorse. A 20 year wait is not unfamiliar at all. If no remorse is shown, I have been known to allow their children to provide more that adequate grey hairs for them. Patience is my middle name.

3. Repeat offenders or as I prefer to call them Repeaters, they are the special folk who are oblivious of the trails they leave behind them as they bulldoze through and over live. They bruise and hurt others along the way and the higher they seem to climb, the less the rules seem to apply to them. They are not as untouchable as they seem and when I let them believe they are immune to me, I often hurt them where it hurts the most, their loved ones.

4. Immunity is possible in all cases, but seldom occurs for the simple reason that humans are stubborn, selfish and stupid. They want to wash away the past and ignore their actions without any humility or forgiveness. Life simply doesn't work that way.

5. The Lotto is a brilliant idea and one I will certainly consider. Thank you.

Unfortunately Santa and I had words, he insists on a no-underwear policy and Mrs Claus has complained to me on numerous occasions of the problems she has in trying to save his trousers. He is indeed a smelly old man.

Remember Ted that there are no rules in my world and I strongly believe in the old remedy of an eye for an eye. Some call me cold hearted and others a bitch, I simply give what is due.

Regards
Karma

Dear Karma

Dear Karma,

I am sure you are extremely busy and as such wish to be as polite and to the point as possible.
I have some complaints or concerns for want of a better word.


1. Do you prioritise cases as they are emailed to you or is it that some are accidentally funnelled into your junk folder. That sometimes happens to my mail so just want to check to see if you know about it.


2. Do requests/cases/incidents have expiry dates?Just asking because you seem to be dragging your feet on some of mine. Not complaining, just mentioning it.



3. Are you harsher on repeat offenders, you see some folk have been getting so far up my nose that they have     
 sprouted hair and are now invading my bald spot. Do repeat offenders feel your joyous wrath with more intensity?



4. Please don't tell me that there is immunity for some bottoms, because that would make for the use of language  
that would make Gordon Ramsay sound like the Pope. 


5. Has the thought of a Karma Lotto been considered? We, the offended, get to purchase a ticket and should we  
win, well let's just say that you get to do what you do so well immediately.

I have spoken to some fellow colleagues who seem to share my concern that you seem to be slightly out of your depth. Have you considered roping in Santa, he is free 11 months a year and can be a real self righteous pri... um piece of work at times.

I trust I have not taken up too much of your time and await with anticipation your response or interventions.


Yours Sincerely
Dr Ted