Hero or Villain?

What happens to the nice guys in the world today?

They end up losing time and time again. Everyone wants to be the villain, the kids see the swashbuckling pirate, the ex-con who gets his revenge, the good guy who has to cross the line to get what is rightfully his.
And the guys, well, they want the bad girl, the dark lady, the heroine with the tattoo and the distinctively naughty look in her eyes.

What has happened?
What are we teaching our youth, is it acceptable to cross that line to get what is supposedly yours?
I made mistakes, I messed up, I did the heavy alcohol, the recreational drugs, lived on the edge and a little over it.
I realise my decisions had consequences and I left the corporate environment after 2 TIA's or strokes of the brain.

My choice now is a simple one, do I continue along the path of the good guy and live a life that is morally acceptable or do I just say screw it all, its my time, its me time and bugger the world?

Truth is, irrespective of the hand life has dealt me and the burdens I carry, I have 2 daughters who depend on me. I need to somehow continue and give my girls a moral outline for dating, decision making and ultimately life. The manner in which I treat them must set a standard for the men they will date and eventually settle down with.

If this somehow means that I am to remain single, then despite the pain and loneliness, so be it.
Being a parent is not about you, its not about your wants and needs, its about your kids and what you can do for them. My decision to bring them into this world come with responsibility, love and dedication that will in turn allow them to be better parents one day.


So, would I cross the line for my wants and needs?
Nope, I think I Walk the Line

Nite all

A Choice of Colour

So I spent an hour and a half typing up a blog and specifically about my youngest daughter Nicole , then morning after 4 hours of admin in a cold office I went to find it only to discover that the resident roving ravishing genius that I am, had not saved it.

No swearing was involved and I refrained from banging my head against the wall, a definite sign that my medications are making me a better grade of robot.

To sum up in a nutshell the body of the unsaved/heathen blog was as follows.

My thirteen year old asked me whether she could date someone who I am led to believe is a wonderful charming lad. He is of a different race group and my mind immediately went back to my childhood where we were raised in an apartheid era and the majority of parents would not have considered this ever possible. You had more luck blowing your Corporal a kiss on the parade ground and surviving that.

So here it was, also being divorced and not always sure of what has been discussed with her mother, I tread lightly and engage in a conversation with her.

My girls have grown up in a post apartheid South Africa and have friends from various ethnic groups and stare at me with confusion when I explain how badly and inhumanely folk were treated in the old South Africa.

My concern is not that she wishes to date a boy of another ethnic group, it is simply that I need her to concentrate on her school work and also be aware of the possible lash back they might encounter and have to endure. We may be a democracy, but there are still scars and hurts from the past that some folk harbour bitterly.

It doesn’t seem fair that 13 year olds should be exposed to this.

This was the brunt of the blog and it is not something new as my girls and I have had this discussion in some detail already.

I am excited for the new generation as it moves into adulthood and the energy and acceptance of each others opinions and differences, it gives me hope that we are indeed heading in the right direction.

Nite All

Saturday for One

A day that rolled over from a previous evenings misery and dragged me to a depth of self pity I had not expected. I felt the desperate need to reach out, but the 2 folk I reached for didn't respond.

My angels spoke and I was sent on a shopping expedition for specific underwear, before I could I was enticed into an X-Men movie and a bowl of popcorn at 2 was my first meal of the day. The movie provided me with a glimmer of a smile and an escape from reality for a while.

Wonder what my mutant power would be? Mutating into a cigar smoking surley son of a gun with an itch for trouble, oh hang on that sounds like someone I used to date.

I saw many families, friends dining together, the girl in the green jersey was cute and had straight dark shoulder length hair, her dining companion had the look of a female predator, the look of one who could remove your heart and eat it as she fluttered her eyelashes at you. I ate and the sushi was spectacular, the first beer delightful and the second a wonderful encore.

I stared longingly at a triple layered chocolate cake with slivers of chocolate cling to the side like a like a pregnant woman clasping her partners hand as she gives birth. It was not to be, I tore myself away gasping for breath and headed home. It would be coffee for one.

There is a need for a coffee rendezvous where singles can mingle, chat and if need be head off for a movie or meal together. Now for some series and my first coffee for the day.

Nite all