Christmas for Singles

Does it seem that the Christmas period is one of the more difficult times when you are single?
By single I mean divorced, widowed or without a partner.

It is definitely a time for couples and family and somehow the singles get left aside.

I don't think it gets done on purpose, it just seems easier to entertain couples and not have lose ends hanging about. I battle to impose myself on friends and seem to withdraw even more in the safety of my cocoon of safety. It is also a time for family and if you are not able to be close to family, I fully understand what you are experiencing. So automatically I dread this time of year and find myself tensing even as I write about it.


I am tired of watching Series and have seen all the latest rentable movies, Facebook does not intrigue me and words like bored seem to appear.

I apologise for not being funny or uptempo, I shall leave you be. Perhaps tomorrow I will embrace all and do my impression of the Riverdance down the corridor.

Nite all

Lost Art of Responsibility

What makes human beings different from animals in regards to parenting?

Agreed we all make mistakes and unlike the crime syndicates we cannot bury all our mistakes despite the pleasure it might bring us.
Yes, parenting is hard work!
Yes, we need a little help from our friends and these include the occasional indulgence of chocolate, coffee, alcohol or exotic displays of affection.

What I am leading up to is that in my humble somewhat disturbed and possibly selfish opinion, it supercedes and overrides the wants and needs of the parent.
Have I lost you? Kids come first, the choice to bring them into this world is not a hoohah of "look at me" but rather a case of love, encourage, discipline and supportive positive guidance.

Am I the perfect father?
Hell no! I have been impatient, snappy, stressed and not listened to my girls. I have overreacted and hurt them without realising it and I will never forget that.
I have also embarrassed them by driving in circles with them in the school parking lot, skipping down the walkways in shopping centres and singing back at choirs in the presence of my girls.

I have learnt from divorce to be a better Dad and listen when they speak, cuddle when they need it and support when it would be easy to criticise. Basically by treating kids with love and respect they will return the favour, by spending time with them and involving yourself in their life, they will not only accommodate you but gladly spend time with you.

You don't need to survive parenting, you can enjoy it and make it part of a combined relationship between you and your kids.
I also have a relationship with my litchi and avo tree in my lounge and yes with my beer. I speak to them.

But firstly my priority is to my girls.

Love you my angels.

Nite all.

Dedicated to single parents, your efforts are not overlooked.

Hero or Villain?

What happens to the nice guys in the world today?

They end up losing time and time again. Everyone wants to be the villain, the kids see the swashbuckling pirate, the ex-con who gets his revenge, the good guy who has to cross the line to get what is rightfully his.
And the guys, well, they want the bad girl, the dark lady, the heroine with the tattoo and the distinctively naughty look in her eyes.

What has happened?
What are we teaching our youth, is it acceptable to cross that line to get what is supposedly yours?
I made mistakes, I messed up, I did the heavy alcohol, the recreational drugs, lived on the edge and a little over it.
I realise my decisions had consequences and I left the corporate environment after 2 TIA's or strokes of the brain.

My choice now is a simple one, do I continue along the path of the good guy and live a life that is morally acceptable or do I just say screw it all, its my time, its me time and bugger the world?

Truth is, irrespective of the hand life has dealt me and the burdens I carry, I have 2 daughters who depend on me. I need to somehow continue and give my girls a moral outline for dating, decision making and ultimately life. The manner in which I treat them must set a standard for the men they will date and eventually settle down with.

If this somehow means that I am to remain single, then despite the pain and loneliness, so be it.
Being a parent is not about you, its not about your wants and needs, its about your kids and what you can do for them. My decision to bring them into this world come with responsibility, love and dedication that will in turn allow them to be better parents one day.


So, would I cross the line for my wants and needs?
Nope, I think I Walk the Line

Nite all

Saturday for One

A day that rolled over from a previous evenings misery and dragged me to a depth of self pity I had not expected. I felt the desperate need to reach out, but the 2 folk I reached for didn't respond.

My angels spoke and I was sent on a shopping expedition for specific underwear, before I could I was enticed into an X-Men movie and a bowl of popcorn at 2 was my first meal of the day. The movie provided me with a glimmer of a smile and an escape from reality for a while.

Wonder what my mutant power would be? Mutating into a cigar smoking surley son of a gun with an itch for trouble, oh hang on that sounds like someone I used to date.

I saw many families, friends dining together, the girl in the green jersey was cute and had straight dark shoulder length hair, her dining companion had the look of a female predator, the look of one who could remove your heart and eat it as she fluttered her eyelashes at you. I ate and the sushi was spectacular, the first beer delightful and the second a wonderful encore.

I stared longingly at a triple layered chocolate cake with slivers of chocolate cling to the side like a like a pregnant woman clasping her partners hand as she gives birth. It was not to be, I tore myself away gasping for breath and headed home. It would be coffee for one.

There is a need for a coffee rendezvous where singles can mingle, chat and if need be head off for a movie or meal together. Now for some series and my first coffee for the day.

Nite all

An Episode of Loving

Good grief I am exhausted, physically, emotionally and the other ally whatever it is.

Singlehood is hard work, throw in a failed relationship, financial strain and work and you can feel your back buckling. It has been a hard time lately and my girls have been brilliant. They have been eating like homeless kids who have won the lottery and are so cute I can't seem to hug them enough. They are considerate and our time together is indeed what memories are made of. Both their birthdays are coming up soon and I look forward to that special day with them.

As to the failed relationship/dating/rendevous, well, it was sad because was a wonderful lady and we seemed to have so much in common. I figured it would have lasted longer, but I accept responsibility for maybe trying to encourage it when I should have let it run its course naturally. Adding jet fuel to a candle doesn't give you more light, just more of a flash and less facial hair.

I expect the tiredness is partly due to my brain being in overdrive and dealing with emotional helium balloons, you enjoy the party voice until the helium runs out. I am tired.

I feel like sleeping for 2 days and seeking my dream girl in my sleep and just soaking up her attention and love.

Meanwhile back in reality, pennies are few and life is expensive. I have managed to retain my rotund robust figure through sheer dedication and lack of exercise.

In response to the unasked question of what would I do for love, I have to answer that perhaps I am not ready, perhaps it is too soon or maybe that special lady is still out there.

Who knows? I certainly don't.

Nite all

The Positive Art of Divorce

It sometimes takes waking up at 02h15 in the morning to see the flip side of the coin, life is a little strange that way.

I have been battling with a particularly stubborn case of depression in the last 10 days and have had to drag myself out of bed in the morning.
It was as if I had lost my way and desolation and despair had clouded my thoughts and swallowed my joy.
Then it hit me in the face like a cold fish, there were many positive aspects to my current situation.

I could make myself coffee and have rusks in bed anytime without the obligatory "what the hell are you doing sweetie, do you know what time it is"?
Strolling around the mansion naked in winter was permissible and required no explanation or justification.
All sides of the bed were my side and the only person who stole the duvet from me was well, me.
The toilet seat is always in the correct position.
The vegetable drawer in the fridge was the best place for beer and tonic water, this does make me smile whenever I open the fridge door.

It may all seem a little selfish and perhaps it is, but there is a definte sense of cavaliership about it all. I am tempted to enter my abode with sword in hand and a gleam in my eye daring the shadows to attack me.
To date they have refrained and thus my swordmanship and authority remains unchallenged.

It is now 03h15 and sleep beckons like a mermaid seductively luring me into her loving arms.

Nite all.

Flu for One

Its not as cool or exotic as it sounds, in fact its very similar to calling a middle aged man a bachelor, it is either a choice he made and has as such accepted and content with. On the other hand if you are a bachelor because of divorce or death or some other fate that life has dealt you, then it has a completely different connotation altogether.

Being ill in a family enviroment brings back memories of people checking up on you, tucking you in your bed and smells of coffee, home made soup and a faithful dog next to your bed. A voice asking quietly " how you feeling Daddy".

It is slightly different now.

You are alone in your home, inveribly you have downsized your living space accordingly not by choice, you no longer have your dog.

Waking up to the smell of coffee or home made soup doesn't happen, maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself or perhaps I am just sick and worn out.

I wonder how many of you have felt the same and who cannot comprehend this because you have someone who loves and cares for you. You are truly blessed. Appreciate them and thank them even if its just a hug.

For my special friend who messages me to see how I am doing, bless you.

Nite all

Single Parenting 101

I arrived home after work tired, irritable and basically miserable. It had been a tough day and I was finished.
This in itself is not a problem except I had my two girls waiting for me, excited, hungry and with tons of words they needed to use before they expired and disappeared forever.

So I did what any sensible rational single parent still new to the game would do, I jumped up and down in a tantrum of frustration and selfishness and demanded me-time and silence and a cooked meal. Actually I got hold of a good friend and her advice was simple, suck it up, get over it and love your kids.

You see I never realised the pressure single parents find themselves under, the sheer exhaustion when all have gone to sleep and the washing of dishes and clothes that never seem to end. Its Survivor - The Single Parent!

I love my kids more than life itself and will do whatever it takes to do what has to be done. I will do without and sell possessions if required, but I am human and have to admit that you have to dig deep some days. Life is tough. It isn't fair. And when you're down there seems to be a queue of people waiting to put the boot in. I had a tough day at work and some things were said that were not necessary and it put a real damper on my day. I need to exercise and am wondering if i can find the time let alone the energy to get started. It all takes time and effort doesn't it?

But and yes there is a but, there are moments of unbelievable joy, love and laughter that more than make up for all of this.

My girls have passed out next to me and the flat is dead quiet. It is peaceful and as I listen to their rhythmic breathing I know there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be.

Good Nite All

Valentines Day

What do you think of when you think of Valentines Day?
What is the impression that strikes you and leaves an imprint in your mind?
Do you celebrate Valentines Day?

In my mind I see red everywhere, red roses, red hearts, red gifts and even the chocolate is wrapped in red.
I see love and it dawns on me that love has no prejudices, it is old and it is young, it is black and it is white, it is silent and yet it screams from the mountains. It is a song, a poem, a touch and sometimes simply a look shared across a room.
It can cross oceans and even death cannot destroy it.
It is innocent and gentle and it can heal the most tragic hurt soul, it whispers like a breeze through a forest and strokes our hearts like a mother caressing her newborn.

I used to believe it was simply a commercial endeavour and yet I partook in it. But if it gives us a reason to forget about life and its challenges and focus our attention and love on someone other than ourselves, then I am for it.

Will I be celebrating it this year, I wish I could say yes. I wish I could be that someone special to someone who is away from me. I wish I could hold hands with her as we lie on our backs on a beach looking at the stars. I wish I could kiss her gently on her lips and whisper something cheesy like " you are the milk in my cereal".

I know it will not be an easy day for me and if you like me have no-one to share it with, maybe have a glass of red wine, a warm bath and something special for dessert.

Good Nite all.

Dying Trying

I am in pain and my muscles have stage a strike meaning that I am incapable of moving, I went for a 18 minute spin in my body. A combination of walking, jogging and crawling as I attempted to get back home. The problem with living alone is that if you fall down, no-one will know!

I realised that my life was too simple and so added a exercise regime to my agenda, I am somehow convinced that my new washing machine has the distinct ability of shrinking my trousers, they are definitely tighter than normal.
So off I went with Steve Tyler blaring in my ears and my bulky shadow which I have been told weighs more than an new born baby dragging itself behind me.

At first it was ok, after 5 minutes I started feeling sharp pains shooting through my body as my feet screamed at my brain threatening cramps, ingrown toenails and warts the size of snails.
10 minutes and I was passed by a Mom pushing a baby in a pram and I could have sworn the baby shook its head in disbelief.
15 minutes and I had lost all feeling in my face and sweat was running off me like spittle off a St Bernard that had just drunk 2lt of water.

And then I was home, I am preparing myself for a bath an hope I will be able to get out of the bath, I will keep my cellphone close by just in case.

Good Nite

Resistance Fighter

It is spoken of men and woman who are willing to offer over and above all the others, who will stand up in the time of hardship and persecution to fight for the unknown, the weary and the underprivileged. When one sees a situation as more than just a passing occurrence and recognises the drastic impact it could have on generations, it is then recognised as a "cause".

Are you willing to add your skills and heart to such an experience and accept the rank of "Resistance Fighter"?
Would you move silently in the shadows and between the sleeping when your every breathe sounds as loud as a gale force wind in a forest? Would you protect the unprotected and nourish and feed them at your expense and expect nothing in return?

Could you call yourself a Resistance Fighter?

Dedicated to a special woman, divorced with child to whom surrendering is not an option.

Sunday Silence

Background music, ABBA greatest hits. No I am not at home!

It seems to be a Sunday where messages are sent and are not answered, maybe a good point as I do not see myself as suitable conversational material yet today.


I woke up tired after a good night sleep and had to really motivate myself to get up and have a shave and russle up clothing. Jeans, sneakers, golf shirt and hoodie and a stroll to the chemist to get the goodies.

My pharmacist is in his late fifties early sixties, wears a toupe and thinks he is God's gift to woman. He is overweight and has moustache that will strain all the meat from a bowl of soup. He smokes in his pharmacy and oh crap let's just cut all the niceties and bullshit.

Here's the truth, I hate Sundays.
Ultimately they are family days and times for friends, families and lovers to spend together. I am alone. Anywhere I go I am alone. If I arrive at a friends home I feel the odd one out. I feel even more lonely in shopping centres and going to the movies alone is not a good idea. The term 'odd one out' comes to mind.

I have yet to find a way to constructively 'enjoy' a Sunday since my lifestyle change and am still attempting to find the perfect plan for the perfect Sunday.

If there isn't such a thing I plan on seeking a place of peace, somewhere I can be content and where sorrow is replaced with understanding.

Thank you