Day 94

The battle has been raging for some time and our resources are low, we have sustained attack upon attack and our forces are weary.

At first we attempted to contain the enemy to one area, but this failed and we have lost ground steadily. The morale of the troops is low and there are murmurs that maybe this a battle we cannot win without an alliance. I hope it will not come to that. The alliance they speak of is clinical in its methods, it destroys both enemy and friend alike and leaves the battlefield barren and desolate.

And so I have made an executive decision, antibiotics will not be our partner in this war, a combination of homeopathic infantry and cold/flu specialists will lead us in an assault on the core of the enemy, if we slay the master of the beast perhaps the beast will lose heart.

My head aches, my body is tired and my throat is raw, I am armed and ready for battle, I am prepared to fight.

Let the onslaught begin!

Nite all

Flattened

It has not been one of my better weekends. I felt it coming and did what most stubborn men would do, I powered on through thinking that this would be the end of it. It appears I was mistaken.

Friday arrived with my girls and I chilling and watching a couple of episodes of "The Mentalist" and having a slap together supper of leftovers and fresh rolls. So far so good.

What I had failed to mention was that i had been feeling a little tender earlier in the evening and should have sufficed with some toast or a bland supper instead of the butter roasted chicken with cheese, mayonnaise and lettuce. Common sense would have agreed with you.

All was well till about 23H00 that evening when I heard rumblings of thunder and got up to check that the bedroom window was closed only to discover that the evening sky was clear. It was a storm brewing in my belly! I scrambled for the bathroom and made it in time, only just.

This continued for 24 hours and eventually my bottom would begin sobbing at the mere sight of a piece of toilet paper approaching it.

Cramps, explosions, sweat and Oros and pills passed through a haze of sleep, sprints and sighs of relief. My girls were wonderful and helped wherever they could and I emerged Sunday morning weak and professing to respect my body, my belly and avoid highly spiced food unless the challenge involved a fair maiden, a sports team or beer. That seems fair.

It was a reminder to me that we are not super-humans and we cannot keep burning the candle at both ends, something has to give. I need a hobby, something out of the flat, something to distract me and focus some me-time on. Any ideas?

I am almost recovered and like a well tuned machine running on 3 cylinders I splutter forth and anxiously await breakfast.

Good Nite All

Single Parenting 101

I arrived home after work tired, irritable and basically miserable. It had been a tough day and I was finished.
This in itself is not a problem except I had my two girls waiting for me, excited, hungry and with tons of words they needed to use before they expired and disappeared forever.

So I did what any sensible rational single parent still new to the game would do, I jumped up and down in a tantrum of frustration and selfishness and demanded me-time and silence and a cooked meal. Actually I got hold of a good friend and her advice was simple, suck it up, get over it and love your kids.

You see I never realised the pressure single parents find themselves under, the sheer exhaustion when all have gone to sleep and the washing of dishes and clothes that never seem to end. Its Survivor - The Single Parent!

I love my kids more than life itself and will do whatever it takes to do what has to be done. I will do without and sell possessions if required, but I am human and have to admit that you have to dig deep some days. Life is tough. It isn't fair. And when you're down there seems to be a queue of people waiting to put the boot in. I had a tough day at work and some things were said that were not necessary and it put a real damper on my day. I need to exercise and am wondering if i can find the time let alone the energy to get started. It all takes time and effort doesn't it?

But and yes there is a but, there are moments of unbelievable joy, love and laughter that more than make up for all of this.

My girls have passed out next to me and the flat is dead quiet. It is peaceful and as I listen to their rhythmic breathing I know there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be.

Good Nite All

Its No Party

I just don't get it sometimes.

You know those days where you feel a freight train is running over you and every time you try and stand up another coach hits you? Man o man i was low yesterday. Driving in a major thunderstorm and just feeling so down and sorry for myself that I needed a sympathetic voice and a friends ear.

But then fate dealt me a different blow, instead of a sympathetic ear and a gentle encouragement, I was taken by the collar and shaken, give a stern talking to and basically told to stop being ridiculous and pull myself together. I was instantly silence and a little shell shocked to say the least. Did it help?
Damn right it did, I had no answer for that! I was aware that it was not an easy path this divorce recovery and yet I seemed to have forgotten that I had been divorced for 14 months already. I had forgotten that I had a new home, I had my girls every alternate week and after a long struggle my house had been sold.

I had friends that cared and food at home.

Sometimes we need to be given a ragdoll shake, a little sympathy and another mini shake just to get the brain to arrange all our thoughts in perspectice again.

Did it make everything beautiful, did I have visions of vampires and werewolves giving each other manicures and facials, not quite. It just made me realise that depression is not a nice thing and it is part of the divorce process and perfectly normal. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It can be treated and managed and needs to be addressed, its not like a dog turd that will dry up and go away. Accept it, deal with it and learn to live with it, it is very possible.

So pucker up me beauties, there is still hope and where there is hope there is life.

Nite All

Therapy and Fixes

It starts with one good reason I don't know why doesn't really matter how hard I try . . .

Oh hello, didn't notice you there. It started with a session with Regan, first one in 3 weeks and interesting as well. Most intriguing part of the discussion' "How can you forgive others if you cannot forgive yourself".

Then work and it was hectic and busy and good, after work a little handyman attempt and then home to a soft leather couch. Unfortunately supper had to be considered, so liquidised the home made soup, heated some and froze some and then a long discussion with C.

Now I am weary and medicated and ready for the transition from awake to running with bunnies. Sigh.

Goodnight

10 June Thursday

I was told that pain reminds us we are still alive
If that is what it takes I suppose I have no choice but to continue, long day, hard day. The whole country is in a party mood and getting ready to celebrate the biggest tournament ever on African soil and I want to run away and hide.
So I keep trying to pull myself out of this and then seem to slide even lower back into it. Its tiring and soul destroying!

It all takes time I am told and I wonder does it get better or do we just develop a higher pain threshold?
Positive thought for the day? Had a cheeseburger!

Good Night

09 June Wednesday

Happy Birthday M, hope you have an awesome groovy year ahead you deserve it!

Man o man am I tired of hitting low patches and scraping myself off the emotional floor and trying to make it to the end of a day. I saw Simon and she looked awesome and we chatted all the way back to Mom's home, mwah precious. So it ended on a high, now I am alone at the flat and doing da blog thang before I go soak my exhausted assets in a bath, why? Cos I'm worth it!

Didn't feel great today and and need to change my diet and start exercising SOON, I can feel the stresses of life are getting to me and I am exhausted and irritable and feeling sorry for myself, plus I think the excess caffeine is sprinting through my veins like a street dog after a bouncing sausage.

So plan of action is as follows;
1. Bath
2. Coffee (only kidding)
3. Read the newspaper
4. Speak to a friend
5. Message a friend
6. Exercise (SERIOUSLY only kidding)
7. Try to sleep

And so it came to be that Ted was weary and he sighed the sigh of a sigher sighing deeply and slowly and raised his eyes slowly agonizingly like a Celine Dion song and stretched out his hand and followed it to his pool of warm energy and into it he did sink and rested he did.

Happy thoughts!

02 June Wednesday

What an evening, supper with my girls, lots of laughing tons of memories and stomachs that are bursting or very close to it.

Nicole seems to have loved her birthday and Simon was having fun anyway, Simon got Nicole a cool bag thingamabob for her cellphone and she loved it nudge nudge hey Simon.

Mom wanted a cheeseburger and apparently Deon was at Warhammer, used to play but that is a tale for another evening. Deon is Heathers boyfriend and we used to be friends about a lifetime ago, strange how life can turn itself inside out and upside down and yet surprise surprise, it still continues.

We had supper at Spur tonight and my girls looked amazing, like models taking the old man out for dinner, Simon had her standard, chicken burger and chips and onion rings onto Dad's plate and Nicole had the small portion of calamari and chips and I had the extra crispy Eisbein. Then off to Mickey Dee's for Oreo McFlurry's for the girls (separate pudding stomachs of course)

Had a bath after supper, washed some underwear whoohoo and mopped the bathroom floor. Seems far too much for a Wednesday evening but hey at least it is done. Girls are joining me for Arni and Denise's wedding so that will be an absolute blast and we will surely boogie the night away, will also be nice to introduce my girls to some of my work colleagues.

Not really in the mood to blog tonight, tired and miss my dog terribly. It's almost as easy as dental flossing a terribly hungry crocodiles teeth.

Counseling tomorrow with Regan, oh boy!

Sleep tight world.