An Ode to my Friends

Its a little bit funny

This feeling inside
I used to be one whose feelings would hide
I lost a lot of things
Including love and pride
But I got a second chance and the old Ted has died

And you can tell everybody
I messed up and lied
I don't care cos the ones I love are here by my side
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
If I shout to the world
How wonderful life is with my 2 favourite girls

Looked out at my past
And I hang my head in shame
I got seduced by the world
And its soul stealing ways
But then I fell and I stumbled and I sobbed where I lay
Till you lifted me up and said "it'll be ok"

And now there's a rainbow and good friends next to me
I've got comfort and love and great company
And anyway what I'm really trying to say
Thank you for showing me it'll all be ok.

Flattened

It has not been one of my better weekends. I felt it coming and did what most stubborn men would do, I powered on through thinking that this would be the end of it. It appears I was mistaken.

Friday arrived with my girls and I chilling and watching a couple of episodes of "The Mentalist" and having a slap together supper of leftovers and fresh rolls. So far so good.

What I had failed to mention was that i had been feeling a little tender earlier in the evening and should have sufficed with some toast or a bland supper instead of the butter roasted chicken with cheese, mayonnaise and lettuce. Common sense would have agreed with you.

All was well till about 23H00 that evening when I heard rumblings of thunder and got up to check that the bedroom window was closed only to discover that the evening sky was clear. It was a storm brewing in my belly! I scrambled for the bathroom and made it in time, only just.

This continued for 24 hours and eventually my bottom would begin sobbing at the mere sight of a piece of toilet paper approaching it.

Cramps, explosions, sweat and Oros and pills passed through a haze of sleep, sprints and sighs of relief. My girls were wonderful and helped wherever they could and I emerged Sunday morning weak and professing to respect my body, my belly and avoid highly spiced food unless the challenge involved a fair maiden, a sports team or beer. That seems fair.

It was a reminder to me that we are not super-humans and we cannot keep burning the candle at both ends, something has to give. I need a hobby, something out of the flat, something to distract me and focus some me-time on. Any ideas?

I am almost recovered and like a well tuned machine running on 3 cylinders I splutter forth and anxiously await breakfast.

Good Nite All

A Little Madness

It warms my heart to the point of bursting when I hear my girls voices over the phone and they relate with great excitement the events that happened that day and even more so when I get the occasional ‘I love you or I miss you Daddy”.

You see in reality, all it takes is a few choice words and hugs to keep a parent happy. We are not complex and even if we act that way, it is simply a guise to hide and protect that part of us that is too private to share in case it is used against us. Sometimes we are so caught up in the environment we have developed or that life has thrust upon us that we simply give up and go through the motions of life. We become robots that live for our annual holidays and the rest of the time life blurs past us, so my question is this; What are we going to do about it?

Add a little craziness to your life and here are a few examples that have worked for me;

· Make yourself a Gin and Tonic in a thermal travel mug and go for walk sipping as needed

· Sing some Italian opera to someone you don’t know in a shopping centre

· Pay for someone’s parking

· Go skinny dipping at night

· Eat a slab of chocolate for breakfast

· Go shopping for something you cannot afford and have no intention of buying

· Wear a crazy hat

· Read a newspaper upside down in a busy coffee shop

· Tell a waitress to bring you something to eat and drink and let her decide what to bring

· Wave and smile at people you don’t know

I think you get the idea, take an ordinary day and add a little magic, a little humour, add some spice to your life. We aren’t talking rocket science, I am not asking you to re-invent the xBox or get arrested for indecent exposure, just step out of your comfort zone and feel that thrill again.

Buy a t-shirt you would never dream of wearing and see if anyone says anything when you wear it, so I trust a little feedback will be forthcoming from some of you and man I can’t wait to see what you come up with.

You owe it to yourself and even more so, you owe it to your neighbour.

Have fun and Nite All

Is Life Affordable

Living! Damn its expensive and yes I know it beats the alternative, but good grief I can't be the only one battling.

Milk, cereal, beer, chocolate and other essential items have skyrocketed and cash is dwindling and disappearing faster than Toyota's reliability reputation.

I hate that I have to 'survive' for one or two weeks a month and somehow make a plan to get through. Its frustrating that I cannot seem to put any savings together, have no insurance and am basically surviving from month to month. It can be soul destroying at times, please don't get me wrong, I have food in the house and my girls are fine, but I would love to have medical cover in place for them and ultimately me.

If you had a choice between soap or shampoo, what would you choose? Soap provides unlimited entertainment if dropped in the bath and you try to find it. It does however on the negative side burn the eyes more than shampoo. Shampoo comes in a container and floats in the bath making it profoundly easier to find. Decisions decisions!

I have one daughter giggling and the other sulking at the moment, ladies will be ladies and emotions run rife and stable is not a word to be used to describe them. Teenagers have to have boundries and yet wish to feel as if they are independant and not controlled or caged in. To find a balance can be easy or harder than keeping carrot juice down.

My ramblings tonight must end.
My cash flow is non existant and the piggy banks have been raided and pillaged more times than France.

Good nite

They have Arrived!

It is not easy to predict life and the path it weaves and casts before us, I am surprised, shocked, amused and enlightened by each day and sometimes each passing hour. A week ago I did not have my girls living with me and now they are, beds arranged and put together, mattress bought and so too pink cushion covers and fitted sheet.

Cooking for 3, extra clothes and shoes and brushes, they have not moved in, nope, they invaded, sought their spot and claimed it. I have female touches in my pad, have been informed what is lacking and a grocery list is evolving on my fridge door. There are conversations about music, appropriate table clothes, decisions about school lunches and sms's demanding my whereabouts and time of expected arrival at home.

There is also a stream of hugs, kisses in the morning and evening and dances in the kitchen. Boys are mentioned in passing, mostly with a smile and a change of subject. Boys are apparently not all evil little demons, some are cute and I do believe the words 'yummy' and 'ooooooh' also mentioned. I repond with bone cracking noises and am greeted with shakes of heads and rolling of eyes.

The cupboards are well stocked with food and the bathroom with shampoo, conditioner and toilet paper that seems to dissolve daily. It remains a mystery to me this incredible use of toilet paper and long hair everywhere. Do girls shed their hair!

But at nine the home becomes as quiet as George Michael in prison, as still as a wedding ceremony when the minister says 'if there be any who object, speak now or forever hold your peace' or when Granny gets the walking farts and doesn't notice.
Then it is silent and my girls recharge for the new day. I have an hour and then it is time to bid another day a tired farewell. It is raining outside and their faces are so calm and relaxed I wish I could just capture that moment forever.

Till next time and thank you.

Sunday Sunday bright and sunny,
Awoken by my girls but my tummy felt funny
Went for a walk and Smau's excellent breakfast
Then resting and lazing and thinking of the past
Well the kitchen floor needed a clean
And better wash some clothes and my favourite jeans
Now lying on the couch and my eyes grow weary
Too lazy to arise and fetch me a beery

What? It does rhyme with 'weary'

So it has been a couple of days and I have been drowning myself in Series to forget about life. Truth is I am simply killing time and then battling to sleep at night. It seems we cannot outrun our demons, they follow us and come knocking when we try and rest. Not even meds help, so you supermed and then battle a little at work. You try and live at work when you should be working, you overthink and over analyze and basically everything suffers.

Then it takes a sms from your work partner to remind you that your job in fact pays for all the crap you need to keep the show on the road. What show, the one that leads you through this wilderness of confused emotions and scars. For the wounds to heal you need time, time heals all wounds and yes there will be scars. A scar can either be a painful reminder of a wound or it can be a real life tattoo brought about by part of the adventure called life.

What do you see? A corpse, rotten, dead, smelly and decaying or as C put it today, an angel. The angel promises hope, comfort, light and opportunity. I remind myself God doesn't make spelling mistakes, He sometimes just let's us see it all from another angle.

I am coping and am not afraid to say that it is not all a bed of duck feathers! Sorry but I am not resting my delicate bottom on a bed of thorny roses, no Sir.

I need to try and focus and find those 3 positive things a day to keep myself moving forward.

Today its, angel, strawberry juice and talking to my girls through a steel fence.

Good Night

20 June Sunday

Fathers Day, 2 giggling girls, lunch at the table together chatting and laughing and an afternoon snooze on the couch.

Throw in a disjointed chat to my Dad and a call to my Father in Law and the day was ok. Nice to reconnect with Ant again and good to hear he is still well and was spending time with his sons, my nephews.

Dropped my girls with Heather this afternoon and then received a frantic call from Simon to say she couldn't find her phone. Got back to the house and it was lying on the kitchen counter and her soccer bracelet on the kitchen window sill, my Simon hasn't changed haha.

C is going on her first decent holiday with her kids for a long time and I am really pleased for her, hope she can unwind and just have a blast.

Spoke briefly to Stephen and he seems overworked but content so all seems good.

Got home, alone again and tried my best not to slip into a state of loneliness so curled on the couch, turned on the tv and killed 4 hours.

Now I am weary and a little sad so good night all.