Sad Days

Why must I leave?

I am surrounded by love and yet I must walk away and leave it behind for a month.

I dont understand this.

I had given up on love and as such had placed all relationships on hold and guess what happened, yup a lady appeared like the lady from the lake. She appraised me, digested and analysed what she had read and sat before her and decided that they added up. I was unaware that I was being "interviewed" as most guys are. Gentleman, the slightest detail, the manner in which you speak, greet her, listen and even say goodbye is checked and ticked. With most guys, the woman simply has to show up and giggle and we are sold initially.

My girls are blossoming and growing up so quickly and independantly that I am seeing them in the independance and enjoying the personalities, thought processes and the manner in which they assess and judge people and situations.

Essentially they are grown-ups with a need for daddy to be around and be a bouncing board for questions when required.

I can accept that.

As for my Lisa, she makes me feel as if I can love again. I am afraid to believe it is all true because it is so real. A hug, a kiss, holding hands and sharing food, wine and thoughts together. I had accepted that this would never be again and that I was not worthy of love from another. Now that I am faced with it, I want to linger on it, savor it and somehow bottle it and take it back to Lesotho with me. It cannot be expressed in words, there are are too many senses involved.

Gabi is a 6 year old bundle of love that cuddles and giggles and has wormed her way into my heart. Bless you angel.

And yet I must leave and it hurts and tears at my emotions.

I shall return but my ladies await and I must go.

Miss you

Nite All

A Little Magic

My humblest apologies for my neglect of you, I have been self absorbed in work, life and an amazingly giving person.
I have been stealing sleep at night and running on empty with the taste of kisses lingering on my lips.

When we are blessed in life, sometimes the awe of the moment is too much to comprehend. We need to remove ourselves from the magic and try and understand what has happened.
Does it help?
No, because its magic.

So what is the conclusion? I know not and all I know is I smile a bit more, see moonlight differently and understand hope a little better.

So let me touch on the art of philosophy, I only see Unicorns with the aid of Jack Daniels, I used to only hear mermaids belching en route to the gents at a pub. And tears were only accompanied by sorrow and heartache. No more.

Tonight, I sleep with mermaids singing to me and Unicorns dancing in a pale sober moonlight.

I almost forgot the Lindt! It hides in drawers and giggles in the excitement of being unwrapped and savoured.

Sweet dreams all

A Little Madness

It warms my heart to the point of bursting when I hear my girls voices over the phone and they relate with great excitement the events that happened that day and even more so when I get the occasional ‘I love you or I miss you Daddy”.

You see in reality, all it takes is a few choice words and hugs to keep a parent happy. We are not complex and even if we act that way, it is simply a guise to hide and protect that part of us that is too private to share in case it is used against us. Sometimes we are so caught up in the environment we have developed or that life has thrust upon us that we simply give up and go through the motions of life. We become robots that live for our annual holidays and the rest of the time life blurs past us, so my question is this; What are we going to do about it?

Add a little craziness to your life and here are a few examples that have worked for me;

· Make yourself a Gin and Tonic in a thermal travel mug and go for walk sipping as needed

· Sing some Italian opera to someone you don’t know in a shopping centre

· Pay for someone’s parking

· Go skinny dipping at night

· Eat a slab of chocolate for breakfast

· Go shopping for something you cannot afford and have no intention of buying

· Wear a crazy hat

· Read a newspaper upside down in a busy coffee shop

· Tell a waitress to bring you something to eat and drink and let her decide what to bring

· Wave and smile at people you don’t know

I think you get the idea, take an ordinary day and add a little magic, a little humour, add some spice to your life. We aren’t talking rocket science, I am not asking you to re-invent the xBox or get arrested for indecent exposure, just step out of your comfort zone and feel that thrill again.

Buy a t-shirt you would never dream of wearing and see if anyone says anything when you wear it, so I trust a little feedback will be forthcoming from some of you and man I can’t wait to see what you come up with.

You owe it to yourself and even more so, you owe it to your neighbour.

Have fun and Nite All

A Year without Beer?

Since we last crossed paths, it seems as if a lifetime has passed and I suppose it has been a mixture of mother-in-law and ex-partner or to put it into simpler terms sweet and bitter, you may decide which is which.

Christmas eve was delightful as Simon and I spent time with Stephen and Marilyn (brother-in-law and very pregnant sister) and it was a case of too much food, a little too much chocolate caramel cake and a drive back home which took about 40 minutes. Then Simon and I had to find a store open at 19H00 on Christmas Eve to buy five different packets of jelly for her to make the chocolate trifle. We ended up in a store on the wrong side of the good and spent time counting the number of people who actually had shoes on.

We went home and before we made the jelly, Simon opened her presents and she jumped, bounced, clapped her hands and squealed.
Christmas Day and we decided to go to our old church, I was greeted by one of the Pastors at the door with a smile and "Oh Christmas and Easter!" Needless to say I suddenly remembered why we weren't going there anymore.

Making a trifle for 25 was fun and I mean messy all hands in and laughing and cream on the face fun. It was huge and heavy and a work of art, doves wept and angels mouths watered.
Add a frantic call to Candy about the recipe for the biscuit base and we were on the way to a peppermint crisp tart, then off we went and lunch awaited us. King prawns marinaded overnight and fried in garlic butter, WOW!
The four 4 boys made a sizable dent in the trifle and by 5 it was time to return Simon to her Mom. Heather and Nicole greeted me at the gate and I got my Christmas hug from Nicole.

The next few days were a blur of meals with friends and swimming and getting burnt and trying to put in the back of my mind that my girls were away for 2 weeks. The Lips, Wrights and McNamara's, Leff's and Eric and Debs, you guys made this one so much easier to deal with than last year. Simon and I agreed that CandyOnline was such an intricate part of my support and recovery program that statues needed to be erected.

And as for 2011, well reduced beer intake has been suggested and the withdrawals have been alarming and images of bunnies and halflings and singing beer bottles followed by a chorus of spicy chicken wings and pork chops have made me rethink this disturbing request.

I hope for more talks with my girls, more hugs and deeper respect of each others opinions. I hope for female friendship and if at all possible a kiss, a simple request perhaps, but something I need to reaffirm that somehow I am still "marketable". Time will tell I suppose.

For now my wish for you is that you may find joy where you least expect it, love that brings you laughter and memories, health to awake each morning and walk and smell the worlds scents and finally that dreams will not be forgotten or cast aside.

Nite all.

The Complete Idiots Guide to Dating

Welcome to 'The Complete Idiots Guide to Dating for 2011'

All your queries, myths, unspoken truths will not be addressed, they won't be answered but there will be recommendations and words of wisdom tainted ever so slightly by a pale ale.

This not a how-to manual but more of a guide to managing and getting the most out your marriage by applying the 5 Foundation Philosophies. So without any further delays, let's get ready for play.

1. Listen.
Many a man has been heard to utter 'I can't hear without a beer' or his partner has sweetly stated 'Chat and tea, just you and me'. The truth is that we need to be receptive to each other and hear what each other has to say.

2. Touch
This is not the game also known as naked tag or Espionage 101 Booby Trap, but affirmation, assurance, hugs that just drain your worries away and make you close your eyes and enjoy the moment. The simple joy of holding hands and of eyes meeting and lips smiling.

3. Deeds
We do things for people and yet we often neglect those closest to us. My daughter loves it when I massage her head, she almost goes into a trance and enters a state where she would doze off if I didn't tickle her. Making someone a cup of tea or a filling the chocolate jar before they wake up and leave the lid off. Sitting through Karate Kid when you would rather have your prostrate checked the old 'hold your breath' way!
Do a Deed a Day.

4. Laugh
Learn to laugh more often and see the funny side of life. Don't become a fool as there are serious sides to life as well. I chose to joke about everything and as such my partner could not share a lot with me. That was my loss. Laugh together, love together and learn to cry together. That sort of sharing is essential. I have cried with my girls and it was so honest and so raw I could not explain it to you.

And finally

5. Live
What's the point of holding back when you only have one chance at this. Make pancakes naked, sing in a public area, buy a stranger a gift, help someone across the street even if it means you might be late for work. Imagine the clouds are magical shapes and be better than you want to be. Spend time playing with kids or dogs or something different, deliver cupcakes to random people and stop to smell the roses.

That's it.
That's all I have.
Dream your reality and live it.
Sadness is acceptable and smiles are forever.

Good Nite

24 June Thursday

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

I had Milo cereal for breakfast and used the leftover milk to take my meds and drank it from the bowl. I was on time for work and had a good day.

I had lunch at the Anglo Canteen, flame grilled chicken, salad and mixed vegetable and a healthy serving of what I thought was cucumber salad. It turned to be green chillies, didn't see that coming haha. Good thing the Diet Coke was really cold!

I even cleaned and refiled my inbox, I am such a control freak :)

And I forgot that the cleaning lady and gardener were coming and she set off the alarm and that brought the security company round, hey I thought it was still Wednesday!

Nicoles tooth has flared up again, poor child, wish I could make it all go away.

In closing, if you can't be happy in paradise you sure as heck aren't going to be happy in hell. So Ted my old friend put a smile on the ol dial and step out and smell the sunshine. It doesn't mean it will be a bed of roses, but even roses smell wonderful when life is difficult.

Good Night