Rude Food

"What happened? One minute I was in cruise mode and the next my world was spinning out of control and someone had removed my mood food and replaced it all with rude food."

That was from over a month ago and since I can honestly say that as much as I do miss it, I am coping. The flu, headaches, stomach ailments and fact that sick leave does not feature in a contractors vocabulary didn't encourage the situation.

What has brought a proverbial 'smile to the dial' is that I am starting to feel much better, my memory is better than it has been before and I don't mind the scary bastard in the mirror.

I real food labels and roll my eyes in mock disgust as I endeavour to understand the necessity for acids and colourings and chemical additives. Am I in fact a hi-tech state of the art machine who requires these additional extras to function beyond my peak capabilities? Truth is some days this machine of magnificence battles to raise its bottom out of bed.

Do I miss my rude food, oh yes, can I live without it, definitely.

It is but another step forward in a journey of life as I seek more not the sake of greed, but instead to enjoy and savour and ultimately share with others.

Nite all.

The Long Wait

I hate the time spent in the waiting area of a doctors room, I have such a phobia of all folk medical because they might find "something". In these times more and more people are being diagnosed with stuff and I have enough stuff thank you very much.

If I had a choice I would never see one again, unfortunately I can't sleep without medication and am on another 4 that enable me to function normally in a very anti-normal world.

So what's wrong you ask? Well, I am tired of being pumped with chemicals and tablets with names so long I couldn't ever remember it. I am exploring after much consoling and encouragement from C and L to visit a homeopath. Initially my mind was a-whirl with images of a bent thin lady in a dark cloak with a crooked nose and eyes that seem to hate each other and thus lurk on opposite sides of her face. She grinds roots and bones and dry organs and smoke emerges from her mortar as she mutters to herself.

So needless to say, if she pointed a scrawny finger at me and smiled ever so slightly, I was running down the road screaming like a baby.

You see, I hate not being in control, I do not fear the unknown as long as I understand it and can rationalise with it. And so I wait, the only patient or victim or donor, like an elephant on a wooden swinging bridge.

And then she appeared, a beautiful lady with brown shoulder length hair and the most comforting smile. She was brilliant, professional and everything I didn't expect. What an amazing positive experience and the chemical reversal process begins.

New day New hope

Night All

The Whole Food

I have heard a lot of talk about whole food and as an avid eater, cook anti-dieter, I feel it is my responsibility to clear up certain misconceptions in this matter.

If I may be so bold as to quote from my never to published potential bestseller “Naked Eating and other Habits”, ‘You are not what you eat, you are in fact a walking talking food processor. You eat it, process it and churn it out. Done’

My profession interpretation of whole food is as it implies, whole. A whole chicken, whole apple or apple pie, whole leg of lamb. Despite my passionate approach to eating and the art of forking objects on my dinner plate, the assumption to eat till full, rest and enter phase two will not lead to untold joy unless you accept who you are and are comfortable with it.

It is not the volume of food that we consume, but in fact the time frame, circumstances and social surroundings that impact on our blood pressure and bloated midriffs. If we accept a meal as a social event as such laugh, chat and embrace it instead of our Western culture of attacking it in silence or in from of an electronic device and shovelling down opious amounts of processed fried fats, we might see that there is a world outside our curtains.

This morning I had fresh avocado on wholewheat toast with butter, ground black pepper and salt and ate it on the patio overlooking the trees, gardens and children waiting for their school bus to arrive. It was a refreshing meal in more ways than one.

Rob, you have inspired me by raising my interest and passion for food again, thank you Sir. Karen your peasant remedies research will be incorporated and is much appreciated. Candy for wanting to strangle me, refraining and endless support Tracey for the lectures on the importance of lunch, Merci

My mission and vision is simple. I will eat my way to health and in the process enlighten and encourage my daughters to embrace food passionately and not settle for the crap we grab on the run as we sprint through life. Time to slow down and smell the aroma.

Good Nite All

A Year without Beer?

Since we last crossed paths, it seems as if a lifetime has passed and I suppose it has been a mixture of mother-in-law and ex-partner or to put it into simpler terms sweet and bitter, you may decide which is which.

Christmas eve was delightful as Simon and I spent time with Stephen and Marilyn (brother-in-law and very pregnant sister) and it was a case of too much food, a little too much chocolate caramel cake and a drive back home which took about 40 minutes. Then Simon and I had to find a store open at 19H00 on Christmas Eve to buy five different packets of jelly for her to make the chocolate trifle. We ended up in a store on the wrong side of the good and spent time counting the number of people who actually had shoes on.

We went home and before we made the jelly, Simon opened her presents and she jumped, bounced, clapped her hands and squealed.
Christmas Day and we decided to go to our old church, I was greeted by one of the Pastors at the door with a smile and "Oh Christmas and Easter!" Needless to say I suddenly remembered why we weren't going there anymore.

Making a trifle for 25 was fun and I mean messy all hands in and laughing and cream on the face fun. It was huge and heavy and a work of art, doves wept and angels mouths watered.
Add a frantic call to Candy about the recipe for the biscuit base and we were on the way to a peppermint crisp tart, then off we went and lunch awaited us. King prawns marinaded overnight and fried in garlic butter, WOW!
The four 4 boys made a sizable dent in the trifle and by 5 it was time to return Simon to her Mom. Heather and Nicole greeted me at the gate and I got my Christmas hug from Nicole.

The next few days were a blur of meals with friends and swimming and getting burnt and trying to put in the back of my mind that my girls were away for 2 weeks. The Lips, Wrights and McNamara's, Leff's and Eric and Debs, you guys made this one so much easier to deal with than last year. Simon and I agreed that CandyOnline was such an intricate part of my support and recovery program that statues needed to be erected.

And as for 2011, well reduced beer intake has been suggested and the withdrawals have been alarming and images of bunnies and halflings and singing beer bottles followed by a chorus of spicy chicken wings and pork chops have made me rethink this disturbing request.

I hope for more talks with my girls, more hugs and deeper respect of each others opinions. I hope for female friendship and if at all possible a kiss, a simple request perhaps, but something I need to reaffirm that somehow I am still "marketable". Time will tell I suppose.

For now my wish for you is that you may find joy where you least expect it, love that brings you laughter and memories, health to awake each morning and walk and smell the worlds scents and finally that dreams will not be forgotten or cast aside.

Nite all.

Friday Night Dvd's

We left for Potchestroom ar 6 and got back mid afternoon and finished work with a little computer work.

Then I collected my girls, got some dvd's and pizza and of course some chocolate of course! A good evening spent together and 3 fun movies including a comedy love affair (Meet the Morgans). Felt a little sad after it as I do with most love stories, its not the movies but more the emotions it evokes in me. I so want to believe in love again. Its not that I want to have a relationship and settle down, but more a case of believing that it does in fact exist.

Had my blood pressure tested again and it was too high still, got a call from my Dr and have agreed to see her next week. Have to get this sorted, can't afford to get sick now.

So tomorrow is Arni's bachelors and am looking forward to it, will be good to see some of the old faces again. Expect there will be lots of laughter and noise.

Simon is watching "Angus and the perfect art of snogging" her very favourite movie at the moment and Nicole is asleep.

A good end to a busy week.

Good Night World

03 July Saturday

I am exhausted, but this time it is physically knackered! I have just spent 12 hours with an amazing friend working on my car. All this time my angel Nicole was by my side and informed me that she had small fingers and could easily get into the places Mark and I were battling to get into. What a hero she was today.

Tomorrow she and I are going to see Eclipse together, she is so excited and I can't wait to cuddle with her in the movie house, she will always be my baby.

My car works, it has a radio again, it has a vent system that works and a dash that is finally reinstalled and tightened properly. Awesome awesome relief.

My blood pressure is down to 130/90 and I can breathe and know that the effort of diet and medication does make a difference! Spoke to my Mom today and she was also happy it had come down, love you Mom, hope to see you soon.

Nicole is also considering doing a blog again, good for you!

Simon has a friend sleeping over tonight, another first and a small victory in a way. Divorce can be an adventure and a rebirth and I intend to move on, live and create a future for my girls and I.

And now to sleep, night all.

28 June Monday

I popped in to have my blood pressure checked today, couple of days overdue but I figured at least I was getting it checked.
I expected it to be down quite a bit since my last reading of 170/110 about 10 days ago. Considering the change in medication and that I was basically feeling ok, I was shocked to see it was 160/108.
Then the constant ringing in my ears, headaches and slightly blurred vision all made sense. So I came home early and had a nap, tried some deep breathing and took a cardio aspirin. Don't know of much more I can do at the moment.

It is going to require a lifestyle change and it doesn't quite fit in with my budget haha. So what when how I don't know yet.

This has been my overwhelming concern and as such I need to resolve it.

Supper was pasta with cherry tomatoes, tuna and black pepper. Large glass of Oros and I sniffed a bottle of red, sigh I do miss my red wine.

I have come to accept the loneliness and it is a lot easier than it was a month or two ago. I read my first novel in a long time and it was nice to just disappear into a book again.

I get a radio for my car this weekend, a real blessing from a good friend, Mark you rock dude!

On a happier note, Monday is done and dusted and it is almost payday so a little moolah for a day.

Chow world

13 June Sunday

The flat is dead quiet and girls are still fast asleep except for the neighbor who is driving nails into the wall with the determination of teenager straightening that last piece of hair before she even dares to face the world.

I have been instructed to find 2 things to be positive about on a daily basis and it apparently will assist in dragging me back to a state of happiness again. My 2 for today are, amazing friends and Joby my old dog who was spared an early death by incredible neighbors.

Spent the day chatting and eating with my girls and ML from Oz, it was an incredibly good day and so nice to see ML again.

Am now getting to watch as much of Germany vs Oz as possible, work tomorrow and a Dr's appointment that will not be all good news, so sleep is required and I pray it will come easily and quickly.

More firsts from my first year of divorce and so the pattern continues and I continue to face it daily.

Good night all.