Valentines Day

No I am not going mad, it is less than 3 months to Valentines Day and in most cases for lovers young and old this far overrides the Christmas Madness.

I never used to consider the Xmas Factor as an acceptable form of referring to Christmas, but recently I have seen another side to Christmas. For family and friends and lovers is a time to celebrate, spend time together, to share, laugh and create memories to be remembered forever. It is a commercially driven holiday sold with a side dish of Christianity, the red santa figure was created by Coca-Cola and all non-Christians hop on the ride for a free holiday.

Does this worry me? Nope
Why? Because it is a time for me to spend with my girls, reflect on a year passed and hope that I might one day spend it with someone who I love and she in turn loves me.
So am I an athiest or non-Christian?
Again no, my faith is very personal and important to me, Easter is of much more importance to me than Christmas, so I just call it as it is and celebrate it for what it is. Less guilt.
Speaking of guilt, why is it that we rely so heavily on guilt to raise kids, seek attention, enforce religion? Strange isnt it?

But back to Valentines Day, mmmmm a real commercial success story like Xmas and Easter. Bunnies, chocolates, flowers, cards and gifts, billions spent and it supports millions of industries.
Valentines day is a happy day for most, its a day where for a week there is a buzz about as lovers scramble to find something special for their partners, my girls both teenagers have a blast and I share in their excitement as much as I can. If I am not in a relationship, hell I simply buy myself a gift and have a beer or a great glass of red wine.

So as the tunes of BoneyM and panflutes lure you to the shops, enjoy, smile and forget about that perfect figure for a while.

Happy Whatever Day my Friends

Nite All

Shelter from the Storm

A good friend is similar to the difference between cheap single ply toilet paper and a really decadent twin ply! They look the same, accomplice the same, but the experience and gentle caress cannot be explained.

A good friend will not only help you when you are down and broken, they will provide a safe have for you to recover in.
Brian and Dee and Zane and Trav took me in when the walls came crashing down, they cared for me, checked on me through the night to ensure I had in fact fallen asleep and put up with my mood swings.
They fed me, loved me, hugged me and comforted me and asked for nothing in return.

These are the kind of people that when I moved into my first bachelor flat, came and helped me clean and unpack. Dee and Candy and Melissa cleaned like woman possessed and fussed over me to ensure I had a fair chance to start again.
What do you say to friends like that.
The Readsters brought KFC and helped me with a deposit and food so that I would be able to feed my girls over our first Christmas together.
They covered my counselling sessions when my sad face and tears touched them and Wayne brought me back to church after my rage and anger at God.

The Liprini's flew me to Cape Town for my birthday so that I could stare a mountain and see old friends and somehow just learn to breathe again.

So, why am I so fortunate? Is it my suave hair and wrinkle free complexion? I firmly believe that if you are verging on the borderline between obese and pleasantly plump, you too can be wrinkle free.

Sometimes you get to remove yourself from a situation and look down on your circle of friends and smile through the horror of life, it is almost as if they form a cocoon around you and fend off any unnecessary attacks.

A hug from a friend is like being wrapped in an electric blanket in winter, its like a hot chocolate pudding on a winters night or a air conditioned room in the middle of summer.
Words cannot explain it, it makes you smile and relax.

So to all of you, find someone who needs that cocoon of love and help them, it could very well be the deed that gives them the hope to continue again.

Nite all

All I Want for Christmas is . . . .

All I want for Christmas is . . . . .

What the heck do I want! I have been divorced for just over a year and have slowly carved a new life for myself.

I have a home, more than adequately kitted out. I have food, enough to throw a meal together in a jiffy should a bus load of cheerleaders come knocking on my door begging for comfort from the harsh African sun.
My net curtaining finally reaches the floor as prescribed and insisted upon by the owner of the complex, the extensions were hand cut, measured with 3 good eyes and stapled to the too short upper section. Not sophisticated perhaps, but it serves a purpose and gives me a slight moral victory!
I have coffee enough to resist the forces of tea loving visitors for a few months and spare milk hidden in case the cereal eating bunnies use all my fridge can hold.
Red wine sorted.
White wine? Not necessary.
I cannot wish for world peace or to feed the starving children in Africa as this is reserved and patented by the Miss USA Association.
A cure for aids would involve the abstention of humans in the act of sex and we honestly have a better chance of Justin Bieber getting his voice back or Yoko Ono refraining from singing.

Toys I have enough of, books I have plenty that beg me to open their covers and delve into the secrets that lie within.
Love? I have the love of my girls, family and amazing friends and that will suffice me for now.

My present accommodation does not permit me to have a pet but a friend shares 2 bull terriers and allows me access time. This is more precious to me than money and makes me smile and sad at the same time. It is a true blessing.

So what is left?
What else do I require?
I know what I lust for but they are worldly things and they come and go like. Granddad's flatulence.

I wish for a day of hugs, a day where smiling eyes and laughter carry me through the day and help me forget about life for a while.

That's what I want

Good Nite.

Christmas vs the 'D' Factor

There is one thing we all fear more than breaking down in the middle of a desert on a full moon evening and having Aunt Judy lecturing you from the back seat about how cars never broke down in the old days, how she was going to die alone and wild beasts will devour her. You refrain from telling her that not even the hungriest coyote would eat her sinewy old carcass and the amount of reserve methane she transported in her intestine would make Little Boy (the atomic bomb) look like a Christmas cracker.

The one thing we fear is debt.

Personal Debt has the ability to bring us all to our knees, break relationships, cause a wide array of illnesses including high blood pressure, stress and sleep depravation to mention a few. It gets worse because our society encourages debt and the moment you lose control it spirals so quickly that before you know it all you have worked for, slaved for is at risk of being taken from you.

Do you remember that first clothing account, the ultimate joy of your first purchase, the excitement and sense of power as you walked out the store, buyers high and man o man you were untouchable, in a good way not like the mucus glazed kid at the doctors room that is blowing snot bubbles through its nostril as it sleeps on its moms lap. Nope you were James Bond, Spiderman, Invisible Girl and Mr Bean all wrapped in one, you were untouchable.

Then you applied and received your first credit card, shiny, new and begging to be used. You bought a few things and then splurged and bought a big item, you were a little nervous and had doubts, but you did it. Then it was too late. You used your second credit card to subsidise your first. Visa vs MasterCard and nobody won yet the chaos continued.

My life is filled with bad decisions made with good intentions and wishes and dreams that somehow faded under the burden of debt.

I trust you will heed this warning and somehow realise that things mean nothing and love and family and friends carry so much more meaning.

Good nite

Driving with Chopsticks

Yes it is exactly what you think it is.
By my definition of the law, talking on a cellphone whilst driving is not permitted, however it says nothing about eating Chinese with chopsticks whist driving.

It was interesting and yes I was hungry and wanted to get to my destination so stopping was not an option. It does make turning sharply a little more difficult, but it can now be ticked off my list of things I never thought I had to do yet did.

I do realise that I am no movie star or famous model, perhaps mirrors do not weep when I step away or sob uncontrollably for me to return, but I am beginning to like who I am.
I am foremost a father, a man who takes parenting seriously and wants it to work. I mess up, I get angry, annoyed, impatient and do not feel very pleased with myself when I do.
I want to give my girls everything and with Christmas looming as close as a Tom Cruise to Katie Holmes, it is very hard for me to look at my potential budget vs potential gift list.

I want to spoil them and see their smiles when they open their gifts and somehow hope they won't be disappointed.

So what is a Dad to do, well like most folk, we do what we can, give what we can and love them and cherish them while we can. I have to lower my expectations and be more realistic when the entire worlds marketing campaign tells me to give more, do more and be more.

At least I drove with chopsticks today and suprised my girls by coming home a little earlier.

Good nite all

Coffee and Gifts

Choice of CD for tonight is Good Charlotte – The Young and the Hopeless

I awoke, bathed and headed off for my session with R. The 2 main items on my agenda were gifts and coffee. Let me elaborate.

Gifts. I have been struggling financially since the divorce to make ends meet and as such have been assisted by friends and these blessings have meant that I am now in a lovely large penthouse (flat sounds so yesterday) with food, a running vehicle and paying the bare minimum to accounts until the sale of the house is resolved and I can make an informed decision on the way ahead. As a token of my appreciation for the love, assistance and opening of homes to me during this period of absolute hell, I take great delight in returning favours wherever possible by cooking the odd meal or the giving of a birthday gift. My friends and adventurers on this walk with me feel that I should not be spending any unnecessary funds on them, but rather use it to survive and slowly build a foundation that will enable me to breathe a little easier. This all makes perfect sense except for one tiny problem, my greatest gift is to please and assist those that are dear to me and the giving of a gift brings me untold joy in a somewhat difficult stage of my life.

Do I go with my heart and do what has possibly been one of the reasons I find myself in now or do I simply wave my bottom at the world and give the gifts? I don’t know and there is not a simple answer for this.

My second item was coffee. Yes the ground bean strained in boiling or nearly boiling water and served to your hearts desire, sweet and black, white and bitter or any of the aforementioned combinations. The difference is that this no normal coffee my friends, but has an ingredient that since the age of man has brought disaster, joy, war, passion and madness to man, woman. Yes I am entertaining the thought of coffee with woman, real woman, willing woman who perhaps need an ear, a smile, a laugh and of course some coffee. What does this entail for me? Well, it will get me out of the penthouse, allow me to meet new people in the same situation as I and might turn out to be quite fun. I think it will be extremely difficult initially and do expect the occasional disaster complete with glare, stare and flicking of hair. However the opportunity of friendship and sharing of life experiences could be bloody marvelous.

Supper tonight was an occasional to celebrate life after a tough day emotionally and physically.
Broccoli gently fried in butter with parmesan and served with melted cheddar, creamed spinach, baby potatoes done in garlic butter and rump steak in a sweet eastern marinade with freshly ground black pepper and pan fried in butter. All served with a smooth glass of red wine.
Good. Yup. Soul food.

I feel that I have reached a stage in my life and divorce adventure where I need to take another step and move onwards through the daily challenges before they wear me down completely. I am uncertain of how to spend more time with my girls and this is difficult and sad result of the devastation of divorce. Tomorrow is Friday and a weekend with the two most beautiful angels in the world awaits me, I cannot wait for my hugs and cuddles and all the exciting news of who, when, why and wait Daddy there’s more!
For now, a bath, a cappuccino and some mysteriously dark smooth chocolate and then retire to my bed and engage the Internet in some passive aggressive surfing.

Good night all.

03 July Saturday

I am exhausted, but this time it is physically knackered! I have just spent 12 hours with an amazing friend working on my car. All this time my angel Nicole was by my side and informed me that she had small fingers and could easily get into the places Mark and I were battling to get into. What a hero she was today.

Tomorrow she and I are going to see Eclipse together, she is so excited and I can't wait to cuddle with her in the movie house, she will always be my baby.

My car works, it has a radio again, it has a vent system that works and a dash that is finally reinstalled and tightened properly. Awesome awesome relief.

My blood pressure is down to 130/90 and I can breathe and know that the effort of diet and medication does make a difference! Spoke to my Mom today and she was also happy it had come down, love you Mom, hope to see you soon.

Nicole is also considering doing a blog again, good for you!

Simon has a friend sleeping over tonight, another first and a small victory in a way. Divorce can be an adventure and a rebirth and I intend to move on, live and create a future for my girls and I.

And now to sleep, night all.

28 June Monday

I popped in to have my blood pressure checked today, couple of days overdue but I figured at least I was getting it checked.
I expected it to be down quite a bit since my last reading of 170/110 about 10 days ago. Considering the change in medication and that I was basically feeling ok, I was shocked to see it was 160/108.
Then the constant ringing in my ears, headaches and slightly blurred vision all made sense. So I came home early and had a nap, tried some deep breathing and took a cardio aspirin. Don't know of much more I can do at the moment.

It is going to require a lifestyle change and it doesn't quite fit in with my budget haha. So what when how I don't know yet.

This has been my overwhelming concern and as such I need to resolve it.

Supper was pasta with cherry tomatoes, tuna and black pepper. Large glass of Oros and I sniffed a bottle of red, sigh I do miss my red wine.

I have come to accept the loneliness and it is a lot easier than it was a month or two ago. I read my first novel in a long time and it was nice to just disappear into a book again.

I get a radio for my car this weekend, a real blessing from a good friend, Mark you rock dude!

On a happier note, Monday is done and dusted and it is almost payday so a little moolah for a day.

Chow world