Moth to a Flame

A month away from home.
It contains 3 weeks of hard work and rest with exciting meals in-between  added to that are weekly trips to the local cinema where we watch movies still played on a reel film system and the purring of the projector and occasional jumping of the picture.
The trip to and from Maseru is a mixture of dodging mad pedestrians who consider themselves bull bar proof and sheep who stroll in front of you as if to remind you that the are permanent residents and you are the ex-pat. To complete the trio of the "Cannonball Run" are the local vehicles. No rear lights, travelling at 50km/h in the dark on the national road and the tendency to freeze at the sight of a vehicle approaching them from the rear.

The fourth week is when it reaches the point where the chemicals are required, nerves are raw and all on Site have a tendency to growl at each other like a wife and girlfriend meeting each other for the first time, Days and hours are counted down as the weekend home looms closer and with it a list of tasks and appointments, some for necessity and some for pleasure.

And this brings me to the subject of dating, courting and flirting and wining and dining.


My first responsibility lies with my daughters and together we anticipate the meeting after a month, a long hard hug with huge smiles and a kiss, then the next four days will be a succession of hugs and tales and holding hands as all that happened in the past month is shared and resolved if necessary.
These moments are often followed with me just watching and admiring my little ladies as they blossom into womanhood and start putting their stamp on who they will become.

I have friends that I need to see as they feed me with the positive energy and love that is so essential for my healthy mental state and positive input, these are also the creatures that know me and my devious habits and love me despite that. They share their families with me, their lives and in exceptional cases their puppies, they have become my circle of trust and those that I am accountable to.

Finally, the lady. Yes indeed, she flirts with my intellect, bedazzles me with imagery and brings a smile to my face as we discuss likes and dislikes and past and future. There is a common grasping and appreciation of food, wine, privacy and need of both intellectual and physical attractions and appreciation of family values.
I am continually intrigued on how the lack of chance applies to our lives, it serves to remind me that it is not a random rolling of the dice and many experiences and instances in our lives are moulded to bring us to where we are today. I am unique, however my circumstances are not.
The lady is a spark in a dark room and I shall continue to be drawn to her flame, perhaps this time I will not get burnt.

Nite all

Courage

What is courage?
Is it the absence of fear? No I think it is the strength to do something despite being scared.

Sometimes courage means saving a puppy from a burning building, or saving the world from the invasion of the Swedish nannies.
But othertimes, it could be a simple act like forcing yourself to get out of bed, not taking verbal or any form of abuse and removing yourself from that type of situation in the future.

Courage does not dress itself in a superhero outfit, be 6ft tall and have a perfect smile. It could be a 5 year old who has to adapt to her parents divorce, it could a devastated heart broken parent realising that the past is a burning ruin and not having the slightest clue what to do next.
It is a hug to a 44 year old man whose heart and soul have been raped and simply committing to be there for him no matter what.

Courage is the tiny voice that shatters the silence.

Nite all

The Long Wait

I hate the time spent in the waiting area of a doctors room, I have such a phobia of all folk medical because they might find "something". In these times more and more people are being diagnosed with stuff and I have enough stuff thank you very much.

If I had a choice I would never see one again, unfortunately I can't sleep without medication and am on another 4 that enable me to function normally in a very anti-normal world.

So what's wrong you ask? Well, I am tired of being pumped with chemicals and tablets with names so long I couldn't ever remember it. I am exploring after much consoling and encouragement from C and L to visit a homeopath. Initially my mind was a-whirl with images of a bent thin lady in a dark cloak with a crooked nose and eyes that seem to hate each other and thus lurk on opposite sides of her face. She grinds roots and bones and dry organs and smoke emerges from her mortar as she mutters to herself.

So needless to say, if she pointed a scrawny finger at me and smiled ever so slightly, I was running down the road screaming like a baby.

You see, I hate not being in control, I do not fear the unknown as long as I understand it and can rationalise with it. And so I wait, the only patient or victim or donor, like an elephant on a wooden swinging bridge.

And then she appeared, a beautiful lady with brown shoulder length hair and the most comforting smile. She was brilliant, professional and everything I didn't expect. What an amazing positive experience and the chemical reversal process begins.

New day New hope

Night All