The Kids Part 2

So much has changed in the past 2 years and yet there are still some consistencies, I am stronger, tougher and in the eyes of some harder.

But what hasn't changed is the lump in my throat as Simon stands in the driveway and waves goodbye to me and won't leave till I have gone.
What hasn't changed is that I battle to drive home and am unable to stop thinking about my girls.
Also the fact that we seldom speak on the way to their Moms house as we are all dealing with our own thoughts and processing them.

Even in a divorce where the needs and cares of the children are catered for, the upheaval from one parents home to another is tough for them.

My home is as quieter than the Clintons home when Monica's name is mentioned.

Kids are like avo trees grown in your lounge, protected yet still in need of love, nutrition and warmth. Our kids will radiate what we put in, treat them with respect and love, listen when they talk and encourage them to do their best.
Isn't it sad to see so many teenagers unable to chat to their parents because the folks are too busy, too irritable, too tired. Then we wonder why when the parents get older, they never see the kids when they leave home.

To be told that there is no-one or nothing in the world that you would be swopped with means more than everything else in the world.

Nite All

What would you do?

There were two songs going through my head when I though about this blog. The first was Crosby Stills Nash and Young "If you can be with the one you love honey, love the one you're with" and the second was Bruce Springsteen "Human Touch".

Both indicate that its ok to have a non committal relationship for the sake of physical pleasure and that there aren't any consequences. Now believe me I love the sight of a beautiful woman as much as the next guy and have all the urges and desires any guy would have. It is by no means easy to consider a relationship when you have to question your motives and especially if you are hurting.
I love women, their mannerisms, chattiness and emotions, their gentle touch and passion in all aspects of their life. It is all intertwined and networked and somehow there is a reason less woman die of heart attacks than men.

So what would you do?
What would you do for love?
Would you walk away for love?
Would you consider swallowing your pride for love?
Would you change for love?

I decided early on in my divorce that I would do anything to "fix" all that needed to be fixed and thus enable me to move on with my life. What I could fix and I still battle with is time, I cannot fix that. The old phrase that time heals all is only true if you genuinely can forgive and avoid bitterness.
The past is like a melted chocolate. It is kinda lost its purpose yet it can either bring you joy and pleasure or make you angry because it is messy and not what you expected, the choice is yours. Maybe even a little like my belly.

There is a Meatloaf song I paraphrased " I would do anything for love, but I won't eat that", funny but reminds me of playing hide the pumpkin on my plate as a kid.

What does the future hold? Who knows! I need to continually work at who I am and accept more than I criticise, I can't give up and so I rise each morning sometimes wearily. By getting up I am in the game of life and unless you play you can't participate.

Nite All

Valentines Day

What do you think of when you think of Valentines Day?
What is the impression that strikes you and leaves an imprint in your mind?
Do you celebrate Valentines Day?

In my mind I see red everywhere, red roses, red hearts, red gifts and even the chocolate is wrapped in red.
I see love and it dawns on me that love has no prejudices, it is old and it is young, it is black and it is white, it is silent and yet it screams from the mountains. It is a song, a poem, a touch and sometimes simply a look shared across a room.
It can cross oceans and even death cannot destroy it.
It is innocent and gentle and it can heal the most tragic hurt soul, it whispers like a breeze through a forest and strokes our hearts like a mother caressing her newborn.

I used to believe it was simply a commercial endeavour and yet I partook in it. But if it gives us a reason to forget about life and its challenges and focus our attention and love on someone other than ourselves, then I am for it.

Will I be celebrating it this year, I wish I could say yes. I wish I could be that someone special to someone who is away from me. I wish I could hold hands with her as we lie on our backs on a beach looking at the stars. I wish I could kiss her gently on her lips and whisper something cheesy like " you are the milk in my cereal".

I know it will not be an easy day for me and if you like me have no-one to share it with, maybe have a glass of red wine, a warm bath and something special for dessert.

Good Nite all.