Room Service

Hi, I am Ted and I am divorced. Not dead, not socially outcast just divorced.

Ok so tell us Ted what the problem is? There is a problem I assume?

Well, here goes. I am a man with emotions, feelings and desires. I am attracted to beautiful women as I have been before, however before I was married and never considered an affair because of that. Now I am divorced, I do not wish to make love to every woman I see, but I would like love and be loved.
My work circumstances do not allow for a relationship as I spend 3 days a month back is South Africa, all of which is spent with my girls.

So what my dear friends is a fella to do?

Rent him a lady for the pleasure of her ways and then hitch up my trousers and set off on another adventure?
Pursue the possibility of a Russian bride, limited knowledge of the English language and customs perhaps, but beautiful, loyal (I am told) and a companion.
I have agreed on principle not to mention the little people, often referred to as midgets, oh here is an advert I found on a website under "Exotic Pets".
Midget for Sale
Entertaining, friendly, clean and can be litter box trained. Perfect for leash training, fetching and tricks. Can be dressed in cute clothes.
Imagine how jealous your friends will be when they see you have your own midget.

Ok enough little side issues, back to my moral dilemma, paying a lady for her services is out of the question, the sweet Russian bride is too close to slavery in my humble opinion.
Religion degrees all activities of a sexual manner be carried out or administered within the legal restrains of marriage, sounds very erotic doesn't. "Darling, I feel a stirring and am contemplating an administration if your schedule allows it?"

So, pray do tell, what is a divorced hot blooded man to do?

Nite All.

Coffee & Sex

The origin of coffee dates back to the ninth century and what was discovered by an Ethiopian goat herder by the name of Kaldi.
The word "coffee" basically means "wine of the bean" and this addictive black magic brew has intoxicated and brought enjoyment to people all over the world. I am tempted to say that it is enjoyed more than sex and if you question this, then definitely more often than the pleasurable procreation participated in by millions.

The coffee bean was nibbled, crushed, burnt and finally boiled before it was lured into releasing its essence. It was used for medicinal purposes, aphrodisiac and taken during times of prayer before it eventually led to the first coffee shop being opened in Istanbul in the middle 1500's.
The first organised brothel however dates back to 5 BC and the Greeks are attributed with this honour.
Since then coffee shops and brothels have spread to all corners of the earth.
I must interrupt and raise a question if I may, what did people drink before Kaldi and his wandering herd of goats discovered the cocoon of caffeine. I can see the tea-drinkers bouncing up and down and clapping their hands with glee and Aunty Mildred stumbling into the room with a glass of Merlot and half its contents dribbling down her chin,
Yes Yes tea and wine have been around longer, but neither are as seductive or erotic as a roll under a duvet or a cuppachino. Sharing coffee with a friend is one of the 1.5 billion cups consumed a day, that is three times more than people making love to each other.

Just think of the different types of coffee, cuppachino, expresso, latte, mocha java, and you seem to have words so seductive that they will bring a blush to many a fair maiden.

So on that sexy note, Nite All

Memoirs of a Waitress

So it emerged in a conversation with 2 beautiful ladies over a beer tonight that Sugar Tits is not an ideal name or nickname for girl.
Yes Diets, I was as shocked as you.

In a blog entitled "Memoirs of a Waitress" I was alarmed, amused and amazed at the male species and their attempts to lure waitresses into their beds. Agreed alcohol was involved and men and alcohol combine as well as men, methane and a naked flame.
Is it because we think we are sexier when intoxicated or that we ooze charm and slurred sex appeal when tipsy?

Maybe it is just a game played between patron and waitress and one in which seldom the males bluff is called. What would happen if she said yes? Mmmmm interesting.

I have never been a waiter so cannot understand what pressures apply. I have seen and experienced professional waitresses flirting for tips and have enjoyed the sparring of words and interaction, mostly innocent I would like to believe.

Tonight I toast those ladies who have endured the jeers and taunts of many of my colleagues and have woken to smile and serve another day.

Nite all.

Blog for Mel

I Love You

What is this love that we speak so glibly of?


I have seen more broken hearts and disillusioned people than I care to and I have myself felt and lived with it. But, and this but is of paramount importance, I have seen love, I have seen couples smiling and laughing and in love and it gives me hope.

Perhaps I have been looking too hard?
Maybe I have to let time and God heal me completely before I am able to accept another into my life?
Or could it be that I have to let go and just concentrate on my girls?

There is no answer and I do not the fate that awaits me, so I must simply move on and not ponder what is to be or might be or cannot be.
I do know I yearn for a companion, someone to share my joys, experience my excitement, comfort my sorrows and hold my hand as I move forward.

It is not just a physical yearning, a lust or sexual encounter I seek, it is a personal bonding and someone to share a meal, a moment and so much more.

So if you are out there, if you feel the same and if the time is right for us, maybe we will meet and I will be able to say, "Hi, I'm Ted, may I have the honour of cooking a meal for you"

Nite all

What would you do?

There were two songs going through my head when I though about this blog. The first was Crosby Stills Nash and Young "If you can be with the one you love honey, love the one you're with" and the second was Bruce Springsteen "Human Touch".

Both indicate that its ok to have a non committal relationship for the sake of physical pleasure and that there aren't any consequences. Now believe me I love the sight of a beautiful woman as much as the next guy and have all the urges and desires any guy would have. It is by no means easy to consider a relationship when you have to question your motives and especially if you are hurting.
I love women, their mannerisms, chattiness and emotions, their gentle touch and passion in all aspects of their life. It is all intertwined and networked and somehow there is a reason less woman die of heart attacks than men.

So what would you do?
What would you do for love?
Would you walk away for love?
Would you consider swallowing your pride for love?
Would you change for love?

I decided early on in my divorce that I would do anything to "fix" all that needed to be fixed and thus enable me to move on with my life. What I could fix and I still battle with is time, I cannot fix that. The old phrase that time heals all is only true if you genuinely can forgive and avoid bitterness.
The past is like a melted chocolate. It is kinda lost its purpose yet it can either bring you joy and pleasure or make you angry because it is messy and not what you expected, the choice is yours. Maybe even a little like my belly.

There is a Meatloaf song I paraphrased " I would do anything for love, but I won't eat that", funny but reminds me of playing hide the pumpkin on my plate as a kid.

What does the future hold? Who knows! I need to continually work at who I am and accept more than I criticise, I can't give up and so I rise each morning sometimes wearily. By getting up I am in the game of life and unless you play you can't participate.

Nite All

Sex Today

Why is it that even though we live in a society where we are exposed to sex to sell us everything under the sun, are we still reluctant to discuss it comfortably?

The mere mention of sex and some folk are already squirming in their seats and the occasional blush sets in. We are by nature sexual creatures and as such have certain desires and emotions that allow us to share intimacy with a fellow human in a very private and pleasurable manner. Should we not be more open to discussing it or is it meant to remain a topic that is seen as taboo.

I would like to see the church take the lead in such a matter, and don't come with the whole guilt and damnation philosophy, but rather be less critical and more understanding. Maybe listen a little more and lecture a little less. Talking down to folk and as a father I have learnt the hard way, will not solve anything.

Please understand that this is by no means an attack on the church, it is just that we need to remain in touch with the reality that our youth encounter on a daily basis.

And what about divorcees, where do we fit in, are we meant to just switch off our 'equipment' for a rainy day, do we become monks and nuns and simply pretend that we have gone from a relationship where we were sexually active to complete celibacy? Wouldn't mind hearing the odd opinion here. And please don't come with the whole 'you should not have got divorced in the first place' argument.

So what is the answer and how do we address this matter and discuss it as mature adults? I think a lot of honesty and sharing is required and as little criticism and damnation as possible.

I was discussing this with a friend today and it was very plain to see that we are quick to judge and point as opposed to listening and hearing.
If you fall outside the comfortable parameter that your moral circle accepts as the norm, it is almost as if you are lumped in with a whole group of others and as such labelled and ignored.

I do not expect a solution from the first person I encounter, but to be able to share an opinion with folk who are open minded enough to realise that sex is, has been and will be happening so instead of sweeping it under a rug, let's be adults about it.

Don't ignore me, I won't go away.

Goodnight

Dating 1 2 3

How do you meet people of the opposite sex nowadays?
Where do you go and what is the latest trend?
Is the man still allowed to buy the lady a drink or has that concept now been declared outdated and sexist?
What is a suitable acceptable age difference or is this totally irrelevant?

Perhaps I should clarify what is I am looking for in a partner/relationship/friend. I want some one to talk to, someone who has a bit of a sense of humour and a non smoker. Cleanliness is important, acceptance of my girls is non-negotiable and if she is a bit of a romantic it would certainly be an added bonus.

So how do I go about it?
Is 'Speed Dating' the way to go, what about those internet sites and how do you actually know that it is a current picture and the person is not a serial killer or even worse, still married.
Kids or no kids, and if there is no spark or magic initially do you simply sit through the evening or end it.

It certainly seems evident that the rules of engagement regarding courting have changed over the years. Do the woman now make the initial contact or is it still generally the man who is declared the official hunter?

I am intrigued by the whole dance, I would have said 'procedure' but that seems to make it sound too clinical. Sparring implies that each of the two 'contestants' are looking for the others weakspot and 'date', well I think it is more of an introduction than a date. All words and so harmless it seems until used in the wrong tone or out of context.

And as for the following words, are they now deemed politically correct?
Babe, honey, sugar, ma'am, doll, and what do the ladies call men nowadays?

It is certainly going to be a journey of a thousand words and not many a dull moment.

Night sugar!