I Love You

What is this love that we speak so glibly of?


I have seen more broken hearts and disillusioned people than I care to and I have myself felt and lived with it. But, and this but is of paramount importance, I have seen love, I have seen couples smiling and laughing and in love and it gives me hope.

Perhaps I have been looking too hard?
Maybe I have to let time and God heal me completely before I am able to accept another into my life?
Or could it be that I have to let go and just concentrate on my girls?

There is no answer and I do not the fate that awaits me, so I must simply move on and not ponder what is to be or might be or cannot be.
I do know I yearn for a companion, someone to share my joys, experience my excitement, comfort my sorrows and hold my hand as I move forward.

It is not just a physical yearning, a lust or sexual encounter I seek, it is a personal bonding and someone to share a meal, a moment and so much more.

So if you are out there, if you feel the same and if the time is right for us, maybe we will meet and I will be able to say, "Hi, I'm Ted, may I have the honour of cooking a meal for you"

Nite all

Tea Sir

I have started drawing and it began as a way for me to somehow express another side of me, my writing helps me process and place thoughts in a filing system that will somehow make sense to me.

It has been said that we all border on some side of sanity and madness and all that separates us from the other is the ability to cope in our society. Let me elaborate. If we lived in a world where vegetarianism was the only option and accepted by all, would we not consider all meat eaters as murderers, animals and insane.

If that is the logic we enforce, would it not also pertain to our acceptance of western  versus eastern medicine? Could you justify the cost of freedom by the blood that is spilt by civilians who are no more guilty that you are for simply living and trying to fend for your family.

The way we express ourselves has a direct impact on those we come into contact with, I watched a friend greet a complete stranger and start a casual discussion with him. I was involved with my thoughts that I hardly even noticed him.

The way the world perceives us by the goods we own, the trophies we display and the manner we conduct ourselves is perhaps a reflection of the acceptance we seek from it.

Drawing is a outlet that enables me to forget for a while that I am who I am and allows me to escape in a world where I am free, released and even devoid of worldly worries. I am once again a child with a blank sheet of paper and a box of crayons.

So, I have jumped and skipped and waffled on in this blog in an attempt to say the following; in an attempt not to judge the stranger because he dresses, eats, loves or prays differently, offer him a smile and a beverage and ask about his day.

Nite All

The Positive Art of Divorce

It sometimes takes waking up at 02h15 in the morning to see the flip side of the coin, life is a little strange that way.

I have been battling with a particularly stubborn case of depression in the last 10 days and have had to drag myself out of bed in the morning.
It was as if I had lost my way and desolation and despair had clouded my thoughts and swallowed my joy.
Then it hit me in the face like a cold fish, there were many positive aspects to my current situation.

I could make myself coffee and have rusks in bed anytime without the obligatory "what the hell are you doing sweetie, do you know what time it is"?
Strolling around the mansion naked in winter was permissible and required no explanation or justification.
All sides of the bed were my side and the only person who stole the duvet from me was well, me.
The toilet seat is always in the correct position.
The vegetable drawer in the fridge was the best place for beer and tonic water, this does make me smile whenever I open the fridge door.

It may all seem a little selfish and perhaps it is, but there is a definte sense of cavaliership about it all. I am tempted to enter my abode with sword in hand and a gleam in my eye daring the shadows to attack me.
To date they have refrained and thus my swordmanship and authority remains unchallenged.

It is now 03h15 and sleep beckons like a mermaid seductively luring me into her loving arms.

Nite all.

Scenes from a Sunday Sidewalk

A cuppachino at the sidewalk cafe was my solution to having run out of coffee at home. So much happening in the little pockets of tables around me, it is like a mini soap opera unfolding, hold my hand and journey with me.

A family of 4 with a 3 year old daughter with tiara who is so in love with her Dad. She is chatting and giggling and when she sits on the chair her chin is level with the table. The mom is a beautiful blond with long flowing hair and oversized sunglasses, her baby son is getting fed the froth from her cuppachino and loving it. Dad is explaining with the aid of his fingers that he will be 32 in 2 days time and she repeats "thirty two?" as if he may as well be 100.

At the table next to them is a young lad not much older than 8 with very short hair, chubby red cheeks and huge eyes. He is wearing a blue soccer top and sharing his table with his grandparents and one of their friends. The old folks are muttering about the motorcyclists and how some areas are going to hell because no-one cares anymore. The lads eyes opened so wide that I feared they might pop out of his head when he saw the size of his milkshake and he could hardly sit still when his breakfast arrived.. His Grandad is furiously cleaning the screen of his cellphone the same way a mother attacks her children's faces on a Sunday morning before church.

Table three has 3 male friends in their sixties all very specific about their Earl Grey tea and unbuttered toast and tomato (not cooked please). At their table is a lady in her early forties with long dark hair, lovely figure and smoking a cigarette. She seems unattached and you seem to wonder if she is a daughter or a lover, most intriguing. The gentleman next to her stood up and starting packing his pipe with tobacco as if he were about to tell a tale of the high seas to all. His food arrived and he collapsed deflated as if his moment of greatness had been stolen from him. The dark lady without so much as glancing at him put her had on his arm and he seemed to pull himself together again.

Each table touched me in a different manner and it was good to be out in the sun and share breakfast with complete strangers. Open your eyes and look around you and see what is happening, there might be a whole new world waiting to let you in.

Nite all