Inner Peace & Screams

I used to be supple.

But that was a long time ago and when I did not have a belly that seemed to get in the way of everything and hinder my pursuit of graceful flowing stretching.
Hence I rose from my bed after charging my soul with a beer and a packet of chocolate speckled eggs and stood with my feet about a foot apart.
Gently shifting my weight from my centre to my right leg I swore as my foot immediately cramped, I moved back to my original pose and this time moved left, same result! A cramp in my left foot and the sharp pain caused me to relax to a point where an unexpected breeze escaped from my bottom. If it wasn't for the fact that I had to walk off the cramp I would have been deeply disappointed in myself.

At this moment I did not feel that I was portraying the image of a Zen master, the fact that I was clad in underpants and a Thor t-shirt and not a silk gown, along with the grunts and moans removed any air of beauty and majesty from the occasion.
I took a deep breath and tried again, this time with my arms moving like a swan shot in its wing, legs shaking and a grimace with eyes tightly closed, both feet cramped simultaneously and I tried standing on my toes as an experienced ballerina would, I simply lost my balance.

A normal man would have retired to his bed or couch and had another beer, I had neither a couch or any more beer and thus I persevered.
What followed was 3 minutes of peace and grace filled with silent screaming as my body rebelled and ached to the point where I bowed to honour the fat men who had tried and failed in a desperate attempt to find the 18 year old spirit inside their middle aged bodies.

The visions of every burger I had been enticed to devour in the name of survival floated before my eyes, every delicious silky smooth angel kissed sliver of Lindt that had been force fed to me and clutched to my hips, each cold ale that passed my lips and filled me with joy and laughter danced before me like maidens luring me with their worldly charms. My journey would require the strength of the father of a teenage daughter restraining himself from killing the smiling hormone filled potential sex offender who stood at his door asking for permission to escort his princess to a place where he would not have a clear shot at him with his sniper rifle.

My journey had just begun, and in the words of the wise man, " Have a break, have a Kit Kat", I paused and sank into my bed.

Nite All

Wall

There is a place inside of us that we protect, some call it our soul, others our core, our most secret place that very few of us dare to share with anyone. Sometimes we never share it with anyone, it remains so sacred to us that we may live in fear of it ever being revealed.

It is what gives us our ability to make decisions, weigh up consequences and ultimately decide whether our choice is morally and ethically correct. We can justify any decision and argue that it is as it needs to be, yet in this place, here we know the true answer. We cannot deceive ourselves.

When we decide to have children and introduce them into a world where we are essentially regarded as a sensual creature who is entitled to the commercial toys that are dangled in front of us like a puddle lures a 10 year old en route to school in his brand new school shoes, so we are drawn in. We convince one another that we are entitled to it and almost cannot stop ourselves licking our lips as we acquire it, feel it, own it or more accurately let it own us.

We seek inner peace, contentment and somehow we are almost just trying to forgive ourselves for our own transgression against no one but ourselves. Meditation enables us to somehow slow it all down. Let the chaos and panic somehow slow down that we can address certain issues and perhaps understand and put some it in perspective. Peace is the answer, the route to it is entirely your decision, not your partners, not your friends, not your parents and not your priest or spiritual teacher. Ultimately they will all impart knowledge and advice, but the decision is your alone and as such so are the consequences of your decision.

Good night