Inner Peace & Screams

I used to be supple.

But that was a long time ago and when I did not have a belly that seemed to get in the way of everything and hinder my pursuit of graceful flowing stretching.
Hence I rose from my bed after charging my soul with a beer and a packet of chocolate speckled eggs and stood with my feet about a foot apart.
Gently shifting my weight from my centre to my right leg I swore as my foot immediately cramped, I moved back to my original pose and this time moved left, same result! A cramp in my left foot and the sharp pain caused me to relax to a point where an unexpected breeze escaped from my bottom. If it wasn't for the fact that I had to walk off the cramp I would have been deeply disappointed in myself.

At this moment I did not feel that I was portraying the image of a Zen master, the fact that I was clad in underpants and a Thor t-shirt and not a silk gown, along with the grunts and moans removed any air of beauty and majesty from the occasion.
I took a deep breath and tried again, this time with my arms moving like a swan shot in its wing, legs shaking and a grimace with eyes tightly closed, both feet cramped simultaneously and I tried standing on my toes as an experienced ballerina would, I simply lost my balance.

A normal man would have retired to his bed or couch and had another beer, I had neither a couch or any more beer and thus I persevered.
What followed was 3 minutes of peace and grace filled with silent screaming as my body rebelled and ached to the point where I bowed to honour the fat men who had tried and failed in a desperate attempt to find the 18 year old spirit inside their middle aged bodies.

The visions of every burger I had been enticed to devour in the name of survival floated before my eyes, every delicious silky smooth angel kissed sliver of Lindt that had been force fed to me and clutched to my hips, each cold ale that passed my lips and filled me with joy and laughter danced before me like maidens luring me with their worldly charms. My journey would require the strength of the father of a teenage daughter restraining himself from killing the smiling hormone filled potential sex offender who stood at his door asking for permission to escort his princess to a place where he would not have a clear shot at him with his sniper rifle.

My journey had just begun, and in the words of the wise man, " Have a break, have a Kit Kat", I paused and sank into my bed.

Nite All

Shooting for Life

I have an incredible desire to shoot people.

My favourite is to sneak up on them and then shoot them before they even know what has hit them. In my ideal world, I would be hidden, watch them as they went about their daily tasks, the manner in which they interact with someone or something, focus and then do it.

When I am unaware that I am being watched, I act differently as I am sure we all do. My posture is a little more relaxed, my firm masculine rippling biceps are less noticable and my hair a slightly rustled and unkept look about it. Photography has the ability to capture in a single frame a thought or emotion the naked eye might not notice. I have seen photos that have made me smile, others that make my heart burst with pride (a photo shoot of my girls and I) and then those that make me cry. The photo I have included of the man to the right is my Dad. It says so little and yet it tells an entire tale and it is one I tried to ignore for so long.

When my Dad was first diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, I noticed the minor changes and simply accepted them. The change came when it started to affect him physically and in particular his brain and memory, I entered a state of denial and felt an incredible battle inside me. I refused to accept that this was happening to him and as such I missed out emotionally on a journey I now regret.
My divorce was one of the biggest emotional blessings I could ever have received as it forced me to face my emotions and express these foolishly flippant farcical feelings. I embraced pain, discovered a side to me I had forgotten about and learnt to connect with my girls on a level I had never known. I also realised that my Dad now, ill as he is and possibly with very little if any recollection of me, was all of and even more of the Dad I had ever dreamt him to be.

When I last visited my parents in September 2011, I had the privilege of watching and chatting with this man. Even though the conversations were stuttered and not always complete, I enjoyed them. I had the pleasure of seeing him through the lens of a camera and capturing moments I will forever carry with me. I also witnessed again my Mothers amazing love for her husband as she cared for him well beyond all human expectations. Her never ending care and constant compassion for the man she still loves so dearly after 47 years of marriage has kept him alive and active. I can never explain the pride and love I have for this incredible woman.

And so I continue to shoot people, special people and in a sense attempt to captivate that glimmer of magic in a world where hope is alive, where love definitely flourishes and the human spirit will not die.

Nite All