Miles of Smiles Part Two

Beach & Shopping

Rested and fed and fed again, the girls and I headed to the beach and our first of many encounters with the surf clothing shops, Country Feeling, Billabong to name a few. 

They shopped, and shopped, then shopped a little more and when I was proudly holing up a white speedo for all to see they simply shook their heads in disbelief and shopped a little more. No, I was not permitted to try on the white speedo and sing YMCA for the fellow shoppers, I was sent to purchase water. 

R12 for a bottle of 500ml water, I asked the shop attendant if that included the vaseline to make the whole episode less painful, the blank stare I received told me all I needed to know. I returned to my girls and ignored the security whose frail attempts to inform me that refreshments were not allowed in the shop, imagine I slipped and spilt some bottled water on a bikini or a towel, heck they would have to throw it out.

And so the shopping ended with a drunk stumbling barefooted local showing me how to reverse and then patiently waiting for payment for his expertise, we arrived at the beach. I removed my shirt and slops, flexed and relaxed my wobbly bits and with my camera round my neck followed Simon and Nicole to the waters edge. I was finally on holiday, I clicked and focussed and shot everything in sight, spoke to bikini clad ladies and then photographed them, the girls were on a venture to collect shells so I photographed them as well.

The sea air, the laughter, the little kid who splashed me and whose head I was now holding under the water, it was just what I needed. 

We arrived back at my parents house and raided the fridge which was bursting as usual, went to check on my Dad and he looked much better than the previous day, the cooler weather was definitely helping. Mom and I discussed Christmas lunch which would included 3 different meats and enough food to feed  a troop of JW's if they came a-knocking.

My Mom is so in control and bubbly that you would never guess that she is a pensioner/wife/nurse/cook/Mom to 4 and Granny to 3. She wakes up with a smile and just gets through the day taking all life deals her. She deals with her sorrow and hardships with a strong faith and never say die attitude. 

A final trip to the shops for some last minute Christmas shopping for the girls and some more photo shooting for me and we were ready for a family Christmas. This was what the girls and I had been talking about and planning for more than 6 months, Christmas at my folks with Granny's cooking. Simon had made her now famous trifle and we fell asleep with smiles on our faces.

It was hard to believe that this was the same shattered, bruised and broken family of three that had to face Christmas three years ago, raw from divorce. Time, hard work, love and faith can indeed work miracles.

Shooting for Life

I have an incredible desire to shoot people.

My favourite is to sneak up on them and then shoot them before they even know what has hit them. In my ideal world, I would be hidden, watch them as they went about their daily tasks, the manner in which they interact with someone or something, focus and then do it.

When I am unaware that I am being watched, I act differently as I am sure we all do. My posture is a little more relaxed, my firm masculine rippling biceps are less noticable and my hair a slightly rustled and unkept look about it. Photography has the ability to capture in a single frame a thought or emotion the naked eye might not notice. I have seen photos that have made me smile, others that make my heart burst with pride (a photo shoot of my girls and I) and then those that make me cry. The photo I have included of the man to the right is my Dad. It says so little and yet it tells an entire tale and it is one I tried to ignore for so long.

When my Dad was first diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, I noticed the minor changes and simply accepted them. The change came when it started to affect him physically and in particular his brain and memory, I entered a state of denial and felt an incredible battle inside me. I refused to accept that this was happening to him and as such I missed out emotionally on a journey I now regret.
My divorce was one of the biggest emotional blessings I could ever have received as it forced me to face my emotions and express these foolishly flippant farcical feelings. I embraced pain, discovered a side to me I had forgotten about and learnt to connect with my girls on a level I had never known. I also realised that my Dad now, ill as he is and possibly with very little if any recollection of me, was all of and even more of the Dad I had ever dreamt him to be.

When I last visited my parents in September 2011, I had the privilege of watching and chatting with this man. Even though the conversations were stuttered and not always complete, I enjoyed them. I had the pleasure of seeing him through the lens of a camera and capturing moments I will forever carry with me. I also witnessed again my Mothers amazing love for her husband as she cared for him well beyond all human expectations. Her never ending care and constant compassion for the man she still loves so dearly after 47 years of marriage has kept him alive and active. I can never explain the pride and love I have for this incredible woman.

And so I continue to shoot people, special people and in a sense attempt to captivate that glimmer of magic in a world where hope is alive, where love definitely flourishes and the human spirit will not die.

Nite All

Is God Out to Get Me?

So they tried to steal my car again from work, the bastards in the process managed to damage my drivers door lock, ignition and I no longer have a reverse gear.

Not having reverse is a bit of a problem as I discovered on the way home as going back is not presently an option. Parking becomes a challenge and pushing is now officially my latest exercise routine. I can see it on the dvd shelves, "Dr Ted's Push Back Routine", a shove a day keeps the flab away, push more till its sore, you'll get tough if you push enough.

So is God out to get me? I would like to just blame Him and more on feeling sorry for myself, but bad things happen! That's it. I was angry, bitter and willing to kill if I found those oxygen thieves, I was also upset because they tried to steal my car and not one of my co-workers cars. Nice attitude right?

I am human, I stood there so mad at the world and God and everything and was thinking why the hell me?
Why can't I get a break?
I was on the verge of tears because of all this rage and it took me a while to calm down. It took a counselling session to put things in perspective and realise I still had my car, no-one had been injured and it was still driveable.
I don't have insurance because I can't afford it, I have no savings and I need my car to transport my girls and get to my vending machines that put food on the table. If I lose it I am about as effective as a clay pigeon served with roast vegetables.

I don't understand why or how and I don't think God is out to get me, if anything I am sure He feels as frustrated as I do about everything.

Keep smiling and good nite all

Rainbow

There are storms that hit us throughout our lives, not just during our 'crisis' moments like death, divorce or medical crisis. They have a tendency to hit and then seem to go into repeat mode and keep bashing, when it seems we are unable to take anymore they will send another wave that will sweep you off your feet and keep you pinned to the ground.

There is a train of thought that suggests that the for better or for worse till death us do part indicates that there is no other option. I used to be one of those ignorant souls, I believed that it was fixable in almost all situations. How foolish and arrogant of me.
We so easily condemn, judge and wave our religious, non-religious or scientific flags and disregard anothers opinion for the sake of our belief system. We remove the human element, we remove love for our fellow man, our neighbour and our enemies. It is so sad yet it is not a new train of thought, but old as man.

The storms make us realise that no man is an island and we need to rally around each other and care for each other. By reaching out and helping another we restore a little humanity to ourselves.

We will be ridiculed, insulted and shunned for doing what is not the norm. But that's ok, we have the opportunity to make a difference.

I am trying to see the traces of a rainbow after each storm. Maybe one day I will see it with more clarity, but it is there.

Good Night

Monday Moods

It is imperative that we remind ourselves that the future starts now and thus we have the choice to embrace it or reject it.

Your dream, your passion, your love for your fellow man is entirely your decision, I must take the first step and call it faith, call it courage it makes no difference, what is important is that if you are not moving forward you are moving back. There is no such thing as standing still, life does not, it continues whether you come along or not.

I have a dream, it is getting clearer each day and I can either go through life dreaming about it or I can put an agenda in place to achieve it. Of course there are obstacle, but I choose to go forward.

Nicole's puppy 'Gucci' decided it was strong enough to take on a pitbull and is now spending the night at the vet to recover, sorry my baby I know you are very upset about your silly puppy.

Simon has been very quiet but she has Shannon with her so all is forgiven and understood. You left you ring but it was returned to me so please remind me to give it back.

I am almost ready for a soothing hot relaxing bath and then hot chocolate and a warm bed. It sounds like heaven. Today was hectic at work and tomorrow seems it will follow the same pattern. Hectic is good.

It never ceases to amaze me how quiet and neat my home is when my girls are here, upon their arrival it is as if a whirlwind has moved through it leaving a trail of clothes, shoes, glasses and mugs. I love it. The energyn the laughter, the spontaneous hugs and tickle attacks. This is what makes us Dads proud and love you so much, these are memory making moments.

A good day.

Good night all.