Christmas vs the 'D' Factor

There is one thing we all fear more than breaking down in the middle of a desert on a full moon evening and having Aunt Judy lecturing you from the back seat about how cars never broke down in the old days, how she was going to die alone and wild beasts will devour her. You refrain from telling her that not even the hungriest coyote would eat her sinewy old carcass and the amount of reserve methane she transported in her intestine would make Little Boy (the atomic bomb) look like a Christmas cracker.

The one thing we fear is debt.

Personal Debt has the ability to bring us all to our knees, break relationships, cause a wide array of illnesses including high blood pressure, stress and sleep depravation to mention a few. It gets worse because our society encourages debt and the moment you lose control it spirals so quickly that before you know it all you have worked for, slaved for is at risk of being taken from you.

Do you remember that first clothing account, the ultimate joy of your first purchase, the excitement and sense of power as you walked out the store, buyers high and man o man you were untouchable, in a good way not like the mucus glazed kid at the doctors room that is blowing snot bubbles through its nostril as it sleeps on its moms lap. Nope you were James Bond, Spiderman, Invisible Girl and Mr Bean all wrapped in one, you were untouchable.

Then you applied and received your first credit card, shiny, new and begging to be used. You bought a few things and then splurged and bought a big item, you were a little nervous and had doubts, but you did it. Then it was too late. You used your second credit card to subsidise your first. Visa vs MasterCard and nobody won yet the chaos continued.

My life is filled with bad decisions made with good intentions and wishes and dreams that somehow faded under the burden of debt.

I trust you will heed this warning and somehow realise that things mean nothing and love and family and friends carry so much more meaning.

Good nite

Driving with Chopsticks

Yes it is exactly what you think it is.
By my definition of the law, talking on a cellphone whilst driving is not permitted, however it says nothing about eating Chinese with chopsticks whist driving.

It was interesting and yes I was hungry and wanted to get to my destination so stopping was not an option. It does make turning sharply a little more difficult, but it can now be ticked off my list of things I never thought I had to do yet did.

I do realise that I am no movie star or famous model, perhaps mirrors do not weep when I step away or sob uncontrollably for me to return, but I am beginning to like who I am.
I am foremost a father, a man who takes parenting seriously and wants it to work. I mess up, I get angry, annoyed, impatient and do not feel very pleased with myself when I do.
I want to give my girls everything and with Christmas looming as close as a Tom Cruise to Katie Holmes, it is very hard for me to look at my potential budget vs potential gift list.

I want to spoil them and see their smiles when they open their gifts and somehow hope they won't be disappointed.

So what is a Dad to do, well like most folk, we do what we can, give what we can and love them and cherish them while we can. I have to lower my expectations and be more realistic when the entire worlds marketing campaign tells me to give more, do more and be more.

At least I drove with chopsticks today and suprised my girls by coming home a little earlier.

Good nite all

Dr Ted's Diet

So summer is virtually on our doorstop, gym memberships are through the roof and a whole array of diets have taken over the world.

Our mirrors that were hibernating the whole winter now get shown bodies normally reserved for the Wierd and Wonderful Freak show.
There are also the German tourists who wear bikinis and speedos irrespective of hair, fat, warts and respect for the beautiful people. Guide dogs cry at the sight and babies stare in mock horror.

There is only one sensible way to attack this situation and it is by means of dieting.
I have therefore taken it upon myself to publish Dr Ted's Anti-Diet.
It is a six week plan and involves dedication, perseverance and will power.

Without further ado here we go;

Dr Ted's Ant-Diet
There are some basic rules that need to be covered and adhered to.
1. You need to bath in at least 8 glasses of water every day!
2. No chocolate should be eaten with the wrappers still on. It will hinder processing in the colon and bowel.
3. Avoid fat at all costs and do not touch it or anyone who has it, so in short steer well clear of all fat relatives.
4. Exercise is essential! Watch it breathe it smell it, spend time in the gym, all the good ones have a coffee shop situated inside and you can experience the full ambience without having to build up a sweat.
5. A personal trainer of the opposite sex does wonders for eye exercise and neck muscles as you strain to get the perfect view of that butt in action.
6. Accessorise accessorise accessorise! Get the kit, look the part, the amount of calories burnt up by getting into gymgear is the equivalent to wrestling a family of 4 for that last cheeseburger. And wear the headband, it is also great for stopping children screaming during tantrum times.

This will help you en route to your ideal wait for perfection and the effort will not go unnoticed by your GP. If they aren't, change GP's!

Happy Dieting!