So You Had a Crap Day . .

So you had a crap day.

Its ok, no seriously it means you are normal and this is all part of the wonder experience we like to refer to as "life".
I am a two cuppachino before 09h00 in the morning person, if my schedule is somehow broken I have the potential to be as friendly as an ex-wife who cant track her maintenance payments. We all have little rituals that form part of our sanity tour and this often determines if we whistle as we work like one of those super happy little smiling dwarves or turn into the haemoroid man who has to cycle to work and is too scared to use the loo because of the pain.

When I reflect on the past week, month and year, I analyse the goof, the bad and the ugly. I then try and understand what made me able to stabilise the bad and the ugly and what pushed me over the edge. Sometimes as I plummet into a pit of misery and depressing self pity, I am able to stop myself and recover, other times I have to swallow my pride and reach out to a friend. This reaching out is not always easy as questions will be raised that need to be answered, I don't like that because it somehow indicates that I not a superhero, merely a human.

If I now glance back over the past 3 years, I have notice that I have gone from having 1 good day a fortnight to 12. I am no longer triggered by comments and remarks from my ex and my fuse is now considerably longer. I don't question why, what and if only any more, I have accepted what has happened and am embracing my new role as a single dad. I have also realised that being single is fine and that my job and my girls need me to be this way for a while. It will need someone who understands me and is patient to allow me to enter their lives, perhaps that person is still out there and if she isn't then thats cool as well.

As for those off days, well its all about how we deal with them that matters. To smile and keep it all together when your steak is overcook or how you deal with a limp asparagus if you're a vegetarian tells alot about your character.

So you had a crap day?


Nite All

My Girls

I sometimes have a need to write and just clear my head of the little chaos that is currently weighing me down, I have 2 sounding boards and will reflect my thoughts and let me actually hear what I am saying.
When I have spoken to Regan or Candy, I come away with some of the mess and wandering philosophies boxed and stored in a system I am able to make sense of.

I am not the easiest person to live or work with, ask my ex-wife and I am sure she will oblige, I strive for perfection and the word "anal" has been raised on more than one occasion. I am however generous to the point of stupidity and loyal as a dog and expect nothing except a thank you in return.  My latest concern has been my girls, two beautiful loving individuals who are blossoming into young ladies and have a grip on my heart so tight I could cry just thinking of them.

Simon turns sixteen shortly, she is bundle of teenage energy, master of accents and baker of note. She has the potential for greatness and I pray for her to find the right person to share this with. Show her a cookbook or the cooking channel and she will sit under her blanket and absorb and make shopping lists of "essential" ingredients as she does.
Nicole is my baby and my fighter, she wears her emotions on her sleeve and is passionate about her decisions right or wrong. She has also challenged many of my grey areas of beliefs and ideas and shattered them beyond recognition. When she decided to date across the racial line, it was time for me to reconsider my comfort zones regarding my princesses, and when my girls sat with me and discussed it and we shared our ideas I felt truly blessed to have them as my girls.

As they have grown and their independence and personalities have become more evident, I have been able to open myself to a different view and outlook on life. One should never underestimate the many ways God will reach out to us and prompt us to question what is acceptable and what needs to be challenged and perhaps thrown out if it is unfounded.

So in short, thank you my girls for your input into my life and keeping me on my toes mentally and emotionally, Daddy loves you more than you can ever imagine. Our relationship has been one of the blessings from my divorce.

Nite all