Demon Days

It happens, life is a menagerie of intertwined emotions and circumstances that invade your secure world like patrol of stubborn ants.

The days that smell like coffee shop filled with pastries are as adorable as a first kiss, sweet, exciting and leave you breathless and smiling shyly.
The days that resemble eating corn flakes out of the gutter are as charming as realising you do not have enough cash for petrol and buying milk for your daughters.

I am on a hill, this year has a solid grip on me and is weighing me down and sucking life out of me faster than a teenager texting their friends. The new year beckons, but its challenges are daunting enough without the added burden of last year on my back.

Add to this a life and health decision that requires no beer, exercise and a reduction in coffee and it is a bitter pill to swallow.
My chemical requirements have not lessened, I feel that if they ever reacted with the invisible radiation from my phone, I would become my own "glow in the dark" theme park.

My situation is not unique, a single middle aged parent trying to survive and provide as best he can for his teenage kids in a world running on speed and adrenaline. I am unable to maintain this pace.
So as I face these demons and feel them attempt to suck the life essence from me, I have 2 choices. One, succumb and slowly die a little more each day or two, survive on day at a time and smile between the attacks.


I feel like a wrestler who has been in the game 5 years too long and can't afford to retire.

Phrases like "hang in there" and "you can do this" with the added "many have endured and overcome" do not help me now.
A wise women once said, "you have survived worse and flippen hell Ted don't quit now". Quitting would be easy and I have never taken the easy route in my life so why start now.

The face in the mirror is weary and the eyes a little hollow and the shoulders a little drooped with battle fatigue.  Surrender is not not option but battle weariness has worn my armour a little thin.

This will be last post for 2011, so until next year many blessings and love.

Nite Nite

A Plea

Dear friends,

I am in need of assistance and I am not used to asking for it.

My situation is as follows, I am in desperate need of a computer, my Apple laptop is about 7 years old and is dying rapidly. I spent 45 minutes to get one web page to open. I am not able to edit my photographs and am just a little frustrated. I have a keyboard, monitor and mouse if that helps.

I was somehow hoping that I could survive till June and hopefully by putting a little aside each month I could afford one. Truth is that I still have a third of this years school fees to pay for my girls and the new year begins in 4 days time.

A single divorced Dad with 2 teenage daughters, I am not able to plug all the holes and am humbled to write this message.

So folks, any ideas, assistance or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Nite nite.

Note: This blog took over an hour and a half to post, a little frustration was expressed

Santa's Special Delivery

So I had a dream, I was showering in a mysterious house I didn't know and there was a party downstairs.
Now I can imagine your first thought might be, 'Why are the heck are you showering if there's a party downstairs'? Well that part of the dream eludes me!
I can imagine I was somehow not in a state suitable for mingling. Perhaps I had been refereeing a mud wresting contest OR cooking and preparing grilled king prawns OR assisting in the delicate task of coating chocolate bunnies for Hugh Heffners Christmas Bash!

So I was showering and stepped out to dry myself when horror upon horror, I heard the ever nearing steps of stilettos approaching the bathroom. I did what any man in my position would do, I wrapped a towel around my head and closed my eyes. (in hindsight I should perhaps have covered my body as well)

So I was hiding with my back to the door when I heard it open.
Note to Self! When hiding in plain sight for all to see, hiding your head in a towel does not make you invisible!!!!

The door opened, I waited for the scream, but instead I heard the door close and those high heels approach me. I tensed and felt arms gently draw me near and the most beautiful husky voice whisper in my ear, "Look what Santa delivered for me"

Merry Christmas to each of you
For reading my tales the whole year through
Happy or sad or a little off key
They tell the adventures of little old me
May your day be filled with Christmas Cheer
I will toast you all with an ice cold beer

Nite all

My Teenage Treasures

I have 2 teenage daughters that are the reason I breathe, they are the smile on my face and the bounce in my belly when I dance.

When I look back on the past 2 and a half years of my life and the trauma and adjustments that were made and endured, I am amazed how "normal" they are.
Both have battled initially at school but did well at the end of this year, both have had and do have relationships and I have only threatened to kill one individual of the male species.
Both initially shared a bedroom with me and then a tiny bachelors flat and never complained.
They accepted the fact that they was no money and when I was unable to be a Dad, they cared for me.

The result of this experience is that I have 2 fighters who although polite and well mannered, speak their minds and are blossoming into amazing woman.

We have created our own new rituals and routines and now operate as a unite of 3. This includes sharing one bathroom and I have done a combination of a raindance, exotic tapdancing and howling and begging when their 10 minute bath somehow exceeds 30 minutes.

I praise God that I am where I am and upon reflection I have no idea how I survived on a single salary. My budget doesn't allow for fruit and bran but somehow accommodates chocolate cereal, beer and cheese.

So as this year draws to an end for Simon, Nicole and I, we would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas filled with love, laughter and lunacy. May your hearts with love and your homes blessed with visitors.

To my amazing family (especially my Mom) and fantastic friends, an Oprah sized extravaganza of a hug to you.

Nite all

Pictures courtesy of iCandyphotography

Dr Ted's Life Adventure: Christmas for Singles

Dr Ted's Life Adventure: Christmas for Singles: Does it seem that the Christmas period is one of the more difficult times when you are single? By single I mean divorced, widowed or withou...

Christmas for Singles

Does it seem that the Christmas period is one of the more difficult times when you are single?
By single I mean divorced, widowed or without a partner.

It is definitely a time for couples and family and somehow the singles get left aside.

I don't think it gets done on purpose, it just seems easier to entertain couples and not have lose ends hanging about. I battle to impose myself on friends and seem to withdraw even more in the safety of my cocoon of safety. It is also a time for family and if you are not able to be close to family, I fully understand what you are experiencing. So automatically I dread this time of year and find myself tensing even as I write about it.


I am tired of watching Series and have seen all the latest rentable movies, Facebook does not intrigue me and words like bored seem to appear.

I apologise for not being funny or uptempo, I shall leave you be. Perhaps tomorrow I will embrace all and do my impression of the Riverdance down the corridor.

Nite all

Vegans Loss

Think of your favourite piece of steak, taken from the wrapping and placed on a preparation board. Gently coat with extra virgin olive oil,  ground black pepper and course salt. Rub in some freshly crushed garlic and then place overnight in the fridge.

Remove from the fridge in the morning and at lunchtime heat up the cast iron griddle.
Once it is searing place your steak on it and as it hisses and sneers at you know that your journey into gastronomical heaven has commenced. After 3 minutes turn and the serve the boiled baby potatoes smothered in butter and salt along with the steamed green beans onto a plate. Remove your chunk of seared meat, place it on the plate, grab a bottle of red wine, a glass and head for the dining room table.

As you cut a piece and place it in your mouth, you will know what it means to be satisfied, in love and almost touching heaven.

Nite All

Decaf Dreams

I am a slow learner not because of rumours of being dropped on my head as a child or car accidents in my slightly misspent youth, but rather because of a stubbornness that allows me to act like a twenty year old and expect my body to perform as such.

I had a delightful evening of sushi with a new friend and we decided to conclude the evening with a "coffee" and rest in heavy leather chairs. She ordered a decaf latte and ordered a cuppachino. No you heard correctly, I didn't fail to mention decaffinated, I ordered the twenty year old version.
And thus it came to pass that sleep settled accross the land, but not in the House of Lodewijks, where a forty six year old male  trapped in the mindset of a twenty year old tossed and turned and grumbled in his bed.
 There would be no dreams tonight and the hours dragged by slower than a school awards ceremony.


Coffee has an exotic allure that raises images of beans being hand picked in wild far off lands by young scantily clad maidens and the sweet scent of their bodies intermingling with the flavour of the beans. Roasted and distributed to all corners of the earth for us to enjoy the musky warmth and seduction that is known simply as coffee.
It is the "clever juice" of our generation and the coffee shops lure us in with promise of guaranteed satisfaction and friendship. It has been mixed with vanilla ice cream, with steamed frothy o so damn sexy milk and even incense.

Where we associate tea with the English and their wet miserable weather and snobbish tones, coffee is the drink that removes all hints of snobbery and is available and enjoyed by prostitutes and priests, round people and stick people, bikini clad models and lovers of little squeaky shivering dogs. It is friendly, it embraces life and kisses you as it touches your lips.

So tonight, make yourself a mug of coffee and reminisce life and contemplate who you will share your next  mug with.

Nite All

And to Claire, thank you for a wonderful evening.

Beer & Books

I have just finished a novel, my first in almost 3 years.

It told the tale of brave men and women, love lost and new love discovered, mad religious tyrants and sewer filled streets. Sound familiar?

It seems not much has changed in the last couple of hundred years.
But wait, this tale of treachery, tyrants and tarts lacks an important ingredient!


Beer!

It is the glue that binds friends together, the soothing agent that allows a man to view his wife in a trance like glimmering halo. It has magical powers and can turn a mans sixpack into a barrel, it can turn flatulence into a team sport and can make the most punctual man imagine that time has stood still.

The combination of books and beer led to one of the most important discoveries of our generation. You see, it was the difficulty of focussing on little words that forced the introduction of the periodical, a thin larger book adorned with pictures, short tales and scantily clad ladies selling everything from cars to fridges. Now I have checked many a fridge in stores and not once has a marvellous maiden stepped out. I have however bumped into portly balding sweating men who wish me to purchase female free fridges.

So I salute books and beer and the joy and comfort they have brought me over the years.

Nite all.

A New Beginning

A remark made by a very good friend (One that I had a massive crush on in High School hehe) and confirmed by others for a while made me realise that a new hat had to be worn by me.
It can become "comfortable" to live glancing over ones shoulder expecting the demons and ghosts of Memories Past to pop up and attempt to dominate and affect your future.

An example would be Christmas. Christmas to me became a tradition of family and friends, a large home-cooked meal and laughter followed by a doze (also known as a meditative relapse) on a couch and then a cleaning up operation of note. It was a time where no cost was spared and credit cards, cash and accounts were pillaged and plundered the way a puppy would devour your favourite slipper. There were traditions that included the erection of the tree, dusty boxes weighing more than Aunt Eva's bottom brought  down and unveiled. Not Aunt Eva's bottom but the boxes Mark.
Lights, millions of wooden characters and scratching my dogs head as she watched all of this with the excitement of observing a snail waiting for its Garmin to acquire satellites.
It was a lovely Hallmark moment and I loved it.

This will be my third Christmas since the divorce and my girls and I are still attempting to find our groove, there is no tree, there is no dog and Aunt Eva and her bottom and bosom are long forgotten. I am peace with the new Ted and we are getting along pretty damn well when he isnt trying to go cold turkey and bulldoze his way through time and space.

So it is with a smile that salute and thank Dr Ted's Divorce Adventure and welcome Dr Ted's Life Adventure.

Lights, camera, action and please no white speedos, after all parental guidance is advised for sensitive stomachs.

Bless you all for your comments, thoughts and encouragement. All are appreciated and accepted with an open mind.

Nite All

Dating vs Photography

It is a well known documented fact that not everyone is normal. No, some of us are just a little on the warped side and as such do not fit the mold required by civilised society.

There is no simple way to say this, dating and relationships are complicated and confusing. You call too much, you don't text enough, you aren't serious enough or you don't talk enough. Its like peeing into the wind, you just aren't going to come out of the situation unscathed.

It is not a jungle out there, it is a zoo and the animals are free to roam and has anyone seen the zookeeper?




I am seriously considering the possibility that alone I shall be, friends yes, acquaintances definitely and as for the rest, well I shall have a queen sized bed for myself. I shall indulge myself in my new found hobby of photography and speak more freely with my hands. Pixels, jpeg and acupuncture (or is it aperture) shall be my guru. I shall follow my lens and point it where it is not rude and snap and smile to my hearts content.


Monopod, camera bag and a little lens shall be on my bbm to Santa and he shall not received the antidote to the poison in his cookies lest I receive one of the above. If he dies, he dies.

So adieu to strange relationships and hello to wierd and wonderful friendships.

Nite all

I am Not Superman

It is a harsh reality and one I would prefer not to mention so openly, however I feel that we have shared so much on our journey I should not stop now.

I hear you ask how I know I am not Superman? Well here are the basic questions that need to be answered.
1. Have you ever changed ïn a phone booth or any other public place?
2. Have you ever had diarrhoea? Superman Doesn't get diarrhoea
3. Have you ever been late for a flight? Trick question folks, Superman doesn't fly in planes.
4. Have you ever worn a leotard and a cape and been sober at the time?
5. Do you wear Chuck Norris pajamas to bed at night? Superman does.

So my reality hit home today as my withdrawals took a serious turn for the worse. I feel giddy, tired, tense and tight chested in a manner unlike Dolly Parton.
Add to that emotionally low and as sad as wife who is unable to find something for her husband to do on a Saturday afternoon and you can partially imagine where I found myself.
I was not very much in love with life at all. It dawned on me that I had no choice but to get to my GP at once and confess and beg for forgiveness.
Her response was as follows, "you have stopped your meds haven't you and please don't tell me you stopped them suddenly". The specific meds I am on need to be fazed out over a minimum period of 2 months. They are some of the harshest to stop suddenly on.

To cut a long story shorter than Latoya Jacksons music career, I spent my last food money on a doctors visit and some chemicals.

Long live drugs and rock and roll.

Nite All

Depression Logic

I have not written because I believed I was stronger than I am.

My error was a simple one and not one taken on a logical train of thought. Like a river that starts in a high snowcapped mountain, it seemed well adjusted and containable at first. Then someone brought out the sun and the floodgates opened.

Hi, my name is Ted and I need anti-depressants.
I have taken a long time to accept this as a medical condition and not a sign of weakness.

I stopped and decided "cold turkey" was the best way to go. I didn't expect the headaches, nor the irritation and sudden mood swings which came about when tired. I am exhausted, battling to get up in the morning and smiling has become really hard. The withdrawals can apparently be for as long as 2 to 6 months.


Responses to my actions included "You did what", "what the hell were you thinking" and "now that was clever".

My plea is a simple one, do not treat depression lightly. Do not see it as a weakness, but rather in line with high blood pressure or high cholestrol. It cannot be ignored. See a medical practioner and don't be as foolish as I have been.

Nite All.

Odd Encounters

I arrived at the location and felt a cold chill up my spine.

It was a sandblasting and spraypainting business all done under the open sky. It was an opening surrounded by trees, the kind you see where captive people escape and run into the trees in terror. Broken equipment lay everywhere and we were led into his office where 3 large portly men were taping up pumps for spraying.

There had an inbred wild charm about them that gave you the feeling of a deer facing oncoming truck lights.
They also very seldom looked you in the eye and the boss man had 3 of his front teeth missing and his very disturbing lisp had the menace of a mountain evangelist about him. I did my inspection, always keeping them in sight and being very sure not to accidently photograph them. My concern was that the flash might suddenly cause them to turn on me like the Kardashian girls on a single male.

I wrote my report sitting on a semi torn wobbly chair that seemed to draw me in like a pitbull wagging its tail. Then time to leave and I stood slowly, smiled and walked into the open. One followed and 2 sized me up making me feel all kinds of violated. Was it my imagination or did he hold my hand a little too long when we shook hands goodbye and then he shook hands again. Short memory scan or was he confirming my scent?

If I heard the slightest hint of duelling banjos, it was my intention to run into the forest screaming like the audience at an Oprah Christmas Special.

I did not ask for the restroom in case I stumbled across a chained decomposing body of a cheerleader or worse, a pink floral design toilet with knitted toilet seat cover.

In my line of work I get to see some out of the ordinary people and places and it makes me appreciate city life so much more.

Nite all.

An Ode to my Friends

Its a little bit funny

This feeling inside
I used to be one whose feelings would hide
I lost a lot of things
Including love and pride
But I got a second chance and the old Ted has died

And you can tell everybody
I messed up and lied
I don't care cos the ones I love are here by my side
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
If I shout to the world
How wonderful life is with my 2 favourite girls

Looked out at my past
And I hang my head in shame
I got seduced by the world
And its soul stealing ways
But then I fell and I stumbled and I sobbed where I lay
Till you lifted me up and said "it'll be ok"

And now there's a rainbow and good friends next to me
I've got comfort and love and great company
And anyway what I'm really trying to say
Thank you for showing me it'll all be ok.

Karma Says . . .

Dear Ted,

Thank you for your letter and enquiries, I thought it better to respond as such and not in person. For reasons unknown to me, my presence seems to alarm folk.

1. There is no priority and my email system does not have a junk folder, but rather files the cases in order of Karma Retribution and Justice.
I do however hand pick 9 special cases a day for my pleasure and amusement.
2. There is no expiry date to the cases, however sometimes I leave it and see if the parties show any remorse. A 20 year wait is not unfamiliar at all. If no remorse is shown, I have been known to allow their children to provide more that adequate grey hairs for them. Patience is my middle name.

3. Repeat offenders or as I prefer to call them Repeaters, they are the special folk who are oblivious of the trails they leave behind them as they bulldoze through and over live. They bruise and hurt others along the way and the higher they seem to climb, the less the rules seem to apply to them. They are not as untouchable as they seem and when I let them believe they are immune to me, I often hurt them where it hurts the most, their loved ones.

4. Immunity is possible in all cases, but seldom occurs for the simple reason that humans are stubborn, selfish and stupid. They want to wash away the past and ignore their actions without any humility or forgiveness. Life simply doesn't work that way.

5. The Lotto is a brilliant idea and one I will certainly consider. Thank you.

Unfortunately Santa and I had words, he insists on a no-underwear policy and Mrs Claus has complained to me on numerous occasions of the problems she has in trying to save his trousers. He is indeed a smelly old man.

Remember Ted that there are no rules in my world and I strongly believe in the old remedy of an eye for an eye. Some call me cold hearted and others a bitch, I simply give what is due.

Regards
Karma

Coldplay Afterparty

It started off as it normally does, innocently attending a concert with Parlatones and then Coldplay.
That was fine, then there was the off the cuff remark of popping into a club for a drink or two.

My first alert should have been the 50+ year old man on his haunches outside the entrance with his hands tied behind his back. He was apprehended in the act of peddling drugs inside the club.

Second alert was the steroid filled gentleman dressed in black who could only grunt and gave me a body search that made me feel a cigarette was required to complete the experience. I was made to empty my pockets and my wallet was fondled, emptied and I am sure if I had a condom in it, it would been used on me that very instant.

The beer was cold, however everything you touched or leant against or stepped on was sticky. The bar lady proceeded to whack the bottom of her associate barman with such vigour that I expected his four good teeth to deposit themselves on the barcounter.

Next alert was the average age of those in the club was from 15 to 40 and the 15 year old girls were extremely at ease with their short skirts, painted faces, cigarettes and beverages. I found myself wondering if they were brought here by their parents and groomed to the point where this was now their playground. It also seemeds as if the dress code of shorts and slip slops were perfectly acceptable.

The final alert that sent cold shivers through me and gripped my heart harder than a pitbull clinging onto a cat was when the barlady winked at me and laughed as if she had just found dessert.

I returned to my table only to observe the one male at the table next to me pretend to urinate into his beer, hereby informing his girlfriend he needed to visit the mensroom. She smiled in acknowledgement.


Enough said?

Let me add that it was indeed an eye opener and yet a once in a lifetime experience. having a good mate along to share it worth? Priceless!

Thanks Stephen.

Nite all.

Dear Karma

Dear Karma,

I am sure you are extremely busy and as such wish to be as polite and to the point as possible.
I have some complaints or concerns for want of a better word.


1. Do you prioritise cases as they are emailed to you or is it that some are accidentally funnelled into your junk folder. That sometimes happens to my mail so just want to check to see if you know about it.


2. Do requests/cases/incidents have expiry dates?Just asking because you seem to be dragging your feet on some of mine. Not complaining, just mentioning it.



3. Are you harsher on repeat offenders, you see some folk have been getting so far up my nose that they have     
 sprouted hair and are now invading my bald spot. Do repeat offenders feel your joyous wrath with more intensity?



4. Please don't tell me that there is immunity for some bottoms, because that would make for the use of language  
that would make Gordon Ramsay sound like the Pope. 


5. Has the thought of a Karma Lotto been considered? We, the offended, get to purchase a ticket and should we  
win, well let's just say that you get to do what you do so well immediately.

I have spoken to some fellow colleagues who seem to share my concern that you seem to be slightly out of your depth. Have you considered roping in Santa, he is free 11 months a year and can be a real self righteous pri... um piece of work at times.

I trust I have not taken up too much of your time and await with anticipation your response or interventions.


Yours Sincerely
Dr Ted

Thanks Be to You

In the past 36 hours I have setup a home network Mac system, had a tattoo (a gift from my girls) longed for   a birthday cake and received 2 and thats just the start of it.

It has been a whirlwind of adrenaline a sugarless and chemical free high and emotional shock.
I have loved, been loved, been spoilt, laughed and cried and had an one armed bathed.
I have been driven around a golf estate in a golf cart by Nicole and Simon and gone from complete calm to the verge of screaming like a Williams sister and jumping off in a sheer act of survival. I spent 2 and a bit years in the Army with 18 year olds who were not qualified to pick their noses without adult supervision, but were deemed perfectly capable of operating a rifle with live ammunition and they scared me less than my daughters driving display.

Would I do it again, hell yes, who wants to end up looking like Mickey Rouke who has had so many facelifts that his belly button is now a dimple on his chin?

I cried because my silent birthday wish was for a cake and i was blessed with 2, I had a meal with family and shared coffee with friends. I received over a 100 birthday wishes and was humbled by the kind remarks teasing, for those who took the time to tease, laugh, insult and wish me, bless you for making me a very happy man.

Two years ago I celebrated my first birthday as a separated man and the road towards today has not been laden with chocolate bunnies and midgets wielding toothpicks as spears and matches as flame throwers. It has been a spiritual and emotional journey that has made the Oprah Windfree Show look like an episode of South Park.

So tonight, it is with a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat that I acknowledge each of you and the remarkable role you have played in the lives of Simon, Nicole and myself and humbly thank you all.

  
Nite my special friends.

Birthday

Years have a way of sneaking up and accumulating and this can be seen as getting older or as I prefer to think, collecting memories. 

Birthdays are not as important to me anymore, what is however is the joy and love of friends and my amazing family. I have folk who tease me mercilessly and I love it.

 I have few wrinkles as the fat hides them and my rotound face is living proof of that. Eat away those wrinkles and lines haha. My angels still get so excited about my birthday and I love that innocent excitement. Life is ok. The challenges will always be there so no need trying to bury them under illusions of Grandeur. Yes, I get sad feel low despondent, but I also tease laugh and kiss and hug. But the cake! Man I need a cake today! Being divorced does not unfortunately entitle me to a complimentary cake. A little sad perhaps.

 So I await the arrival of today the same way a puppy awaits its master returning from work.

 Nite All

Shopping on a Prayer

I have to state that this eating 3 times a day 7 days a week does not agree with my budget in the slightest.

Milk is cow juice and cows eat grass that grows everywhere for free!
Why the heck does it cost so much and all its by products like butter, cheese and cream are not aluminium plated or wrapped in newspaper.

Have you had slight tremors and held your breathe as the teller rings them up with the passion of a serial terrorist bomber heading off to lala land.
Then the shock!
You fight back the tears and hand over your little plastic card and religiously chant as you wait for the machine to dial your bank. Please go through please go through.

I have a theory that more prayers are said at check out counters than any churches or religious centres. What does God do when He gets this flood of prayers and checks his Godberry to confirm that it is not in fact Sunday 09h30 but a weekday at 17h30?

I can only afford to have supper on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and every alternate Sunday. Judging by my above average waist, minute compared to Sumo wrestlers, it may be assumed I steal from orphanages on the other days.

A friend told me to floss carefully and then hang the dental floss out to dry. The little string of flossbits apparently provide substantial protein for that last week before payday.
I do believe I have just lost my appetite.

Nite all.

Lost Art of Responsibility

What makes human beings different from animals in regards to parenting?

Agreed we all make mistakes and unlike the crime syndicates we cannot bury all our mistakes despite the pleasure it might bring us.
Yes, parenting is hard work!
Yes, we need a little help from our friends and these include the occasional indulgence of chocolate, coffee, alcohol or exotic displays of affection.

What I am leading up to is that in my humble somewhat disturbed and possibly selfish opinion, it supercedes and overrides the wants and needs of the parent.
Have I lost you? Kids come first, the choice to bring them into this world is not a hoohah of "look at me" but rather a case of love, encourage, discipline and supportive positive guidance.

Am I the perfect father?
Hell no! I have been impatient, snappy, stressed and not listened to my girls. I have overreacted and hurt them without realising it and I will never forget that.
I have also embarrassed them by driving in circles with them in the school parking lot, skipping down the walkways in shopping centres and singing back at choirs in the presence of my girls.

I have learnt from divorce to be a better Dad and listen when they speak, cuddle when they need it and support when it would be easy to criticise. Basically by treating kids with love and respect they will return the favour, by spending time with them and involving yourself in their life, they will not only accommodate you but gladly spend time with you.

You don't need to survive parenting, you can enjoy it and make it part of a combined relationship between you and your kids.
I also have a relationship with my litchi and avo tree in my lounge and yes with my beer. I speak to them.

But firstly my priority is to my girls.

Love you my angels.

Nite all.

Dedicated to single parents, your efforts are not overlooked.

Memoirs of a Waitress

So it emerged in a conversation with 2 beautiful ladies over a beer tonight that Sugar Tits is not an ideal name or nickname for girl.
Yes Diets, I was as shocked as you.

In a blog entitled "Memoirs of a Waitress" I was alarmed, amused and amazed at the male species and their attempts to lure waitresses into their beds. Agreed alcohol was involved and men and alcohol combine as well as men, methane and a naked flame.
Is it because we think we are sexier when intoxicated or that we ooze charm and slurred sex appeal when tipsy?

Maybe it is just a game played between patron and waitress and one in which seldom the males bluff is called. What would happen if she said yes? Mmmmm interesting.

I have never been a waiter so cannot understand what pressures apply. I have seen and experienced professional waitresses flirting for tips and have enjoyed the sparring of words and interaction, mostly innocent I would like to believe.

Tonight I toast those ladies who have endured the jeers and taunts of many of my colleagues and have woken to smile and serve another day.

Nite all.

Blog for Mel

B.A.D. (Blessings After Divorce)

Who would have thought?
Candy? Dee? You should both be smiling, my special sisters who never gave up on me. You guys never gave up and showed patience and love beyond human understanding. Bless you!

Blessings, let me count them.
Firstly no-one in the world has two more beautiful sensitive loving daughters. When they heard the news of our pending divorce, it destroyed their world, they were shattered.
I didn't ever imagine that 4 could be replaced by 3 and still make a whole.

Their smiles and laughter are the chocolate and fresh cream in the eclair I call my life.
Yes their school-work suffered, there was anger, hurt and confusion, all I could so was love them, cuddle them and listen to them. And they understood and realised that I couldn't be all they needed but they waited.

Divorce is more cruel than telling me that Santa doesn't drink beer or that the Easter Bunny doesn't live in the Playboy Mansion. Its like discovering that mirrors don't lie and have a seriously malicious streak in them.

Divorce I must add is not a death sentence, but an opportunity to learn, ponder and start with a clean slate.
Memories from Heartache and Hope from Pain.

Nite All.

Get a Job

I didn't want to believe that its is possible or that it exists and yet it does.
It is very similar to Newtons 3rd Law of Motion which basically means, falling is the opposite of flying.

My shaky stable world has been struck by a tremor, a mini-earthquake. I do not have employement from the 21st October 2011.
So, Operation Find a Job Baby is now officially underway and all monetary token shows of affection should be stored in the wallet of electronic love.

I will not be convinced to come out of retirement and move back into the world of male exotic dancing, neither will I be exposing flesh for magazines!
No!
I will be taken seriously even if the mad clown in me has to dress up and wear a big nose and red shoes.

Good Nite All

A Little Magic

My humblest apologies for my neglect of you, I have been self absorbed in work, life and an amazingly giving person.
I have been stealing sleep at night and running on empty with the taste of kisses lingering on my lips.

When we are blessed in life, sometimes the awe of the moment is too much to comprehend. We need to remove ourselves from the magic and try and understand what has happened.
Does it help?
No, because its magic.

So what is the conclusion? I know not and all I know is I smile a bit more, see moonlight differently and understand hope a little better.

So let me touch on the art of philosophy, I only see Unicorns with the aid of Jack Daniels, I used to only hear mermaids belching en route to the gents at a pub. And tears were only accompanied by sorrow and heartache. No more.

Tonight, I sleep with mermaids singing to me and Unicorns dancing in a pale sober moonlight.

I almost forgot the Lindt! It hides in drawers and giggles in the excitement of being unwrapped and savoured.

Sweet dreams all

Spring

Spring.
A new shoot, green and hopeful forces itself to the surface and gazes innocently at its new surroundings.
The environment is not completely hostile, but neither is it friendly.
The difference is that there is hope.

I am at a crossroads in my life where I have journeyed so far, I have battled, sweated, struggled with religion and morals and cried tears of sadness and frustration. Yet I have also discovered a new Ted, one who is more patient, honest, able to listen and shut up when required.
I have the most amazing friends in the world, I have made friends with folk I never see and they have become a part of my circle. Today I will mention a single Mom who is raising her daughter whilst battling to find a job. She has hit rock bottom, sobbed and hid, but she hasn't given up. What an honour to know her and know that when we finally meet for fruit salad and coffee, I will be able to hug her and laugh together.

Then my new friend, shy, funny, cute and a blushing beauty who has exploded into my life, thank you.
You make me smile and believe in a part of my life I had packed away.
I am smiling like a teenager as I write about you, I didn't think this was possible and irrespective of the future, I am happy now.

Spring is on our doorstep, embrace it.
Enter the world with a smile and a bounce in your step and who knows what new doors of opportunity await you.

Nite all.

Tech Free

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, I am now on round 2 of antibiotics and I can hear all the treehuggers cringe in mock horror. The vegans are covering their pet chickens ears and the carnivores have added more gravy to their lamb chops.

Whatever happened to waking up and bouncing out of bed?
When did 4 of the days of the week feel like Monday and weekends pass quicker than a baked bean through Granddad’s system?

Our glorified rat race has bred a superlinked ultra technological hungry need to know what is happening all the time lab rat, not only can we not escape to peace and quiet, we have convinced ourselves that if we are not contactable 24/7 we might miss something.
Let me relay one of the dangers that has arisen.
When we were children, we would get on our bikes, disappear with our friends and return before dark or face the wrath of Mother. Now the wrath of Mother was far worse that todays equivalent of your Blackberry battery dying at school, or missing a crucial episode of Oprah or even worse,  committing social suicide by going to the mall and Dad decides to skip along like little Red Riding Hood from shop to shop.

We live in a world where appearance and image are placed next to if not higher than godliness, status is the god of our era.
I should add that I am not innocent here, I love technology and there are toys that I have considered giving my good kidney for. A SLR camera, a laptop that works, things that ping and sing, sigh.
Is it possible to withdraw into the 1930’s for a weekend, from a Friday afternoon till a Monday morning with nothing that requires a battery or electricity. Spend time either alone or someone close and sit around a fire at night, read a book, a real book. Lie in a hammock and just listen to life, sip a beverage and forget about life and its worries for a while.

I have to get away from it all, gather my thoughts and decide what is important and what needs to be cut loose so it can drift away.
Anyone keen on a techno-free weekend getaway? Apply within.

Nite All

Tech Free

A Kiss and a Thank You

To say I enjoy discovering who I am and the experiences and insights along the way would not be completely honest.
I am impatient and critical and have the innate ability to analyse situations to death. I also have the compassion and love to care deeply for family and friends, as I do not have a partner I am using this period to try and understand what is happening in my life.

I dreamt the other night of a kiss, the sweet sensual parting of the lips, the gentle engagement and slight gasp as they met. There is an electricity as two forces meet and tongues caress each other like a silk sheet touching your bare skin.
To me there is no more erotic moment than a kiss. It is the baring of one's soul to another, opening a secret door and trusting it will be loved and not shrugged aside.

I see people, study them and their actions. Couples in love, a parent with their children, the way we interact with strangers. I notice that I do not smile enough, compliment enough and at times listen enough.
One of my favourite quotes is that I am "all ears and a little stomach", forgive me if I have heard you and not listened.

Sometimes I just want it to be all about me, I need to be selfish and need affirmation and feel like a kid again.

Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your time.

I am deeply appreciative.

Nite all.
 ee them  

Journey Back in Time

The Journey to the coast and back begins with my arrival at OR Thambo International Airport. I am packed, my luggage feels heavy, laden with 15 novels for my Mom, a leatherman, cable ties, chewing gum and a torch. I am the Indiana Jones of our era, Dr Ted vs the Open Road.

I have packed a selection of music ranging from Nirvana, Sasha's Dance hits to Sherryl Crow. My underwear is sorted into casual and socialising  and then driving. Have keep it all in place when you driving!

Arrived at the airport, checked in and helped an African Mama load her luggage onto the conveyor, she had one bag just for her hats and it weighed a ton!!!!!

As I entered the mens room, a gentleman smiled at me and said "Welcome to my Office". I smiled and wondered if I was meant to shake his hand? He was the cleaner who had promoted himself to MD of his department, his attitude reminded me of how far we had come as a young Democracy.

Met my cousin, took possession of the Citi Golf and after a brief stop to get some perfume for my Mom, I headed off to JBay.

Upon arrival, I walked into my parents house and met my Dad, who wasn't quite sure who I was.
He looked good, a little confused but fortunately not scared of me.
He didn't really talk to me but kept a wary eye on me. My Mom arrived and gave a kiss and Dad immediately got up and came and gave her a kiss too.

By the next morning, he walked up next to me, whacked me on the shoulder and stood next to me. It was a special moment.
The next morning he was in bed and I went in to greet him and he said "hello Ted" and gave me a kiss. That moments recognition seemed to pass quickly but was so precious.
His Parkinsons should have taken his life many years ago but his incredible stamina and my Moms personal care and love have kept him going.
Today he walked up to me and asked me who I am, I told him I was his son, his baby. He replied that I was a bloody big baby and walked away.

There have been times when I thought I caught a glimpse of who he used to be, I cannot praise my Mom for caring for him 24/7 and refusing to give up. What a woman, what a privelage to call her my Mom and nothing I could ever do could make up for what she has done for Dad.

Nite all

Goodbyes and Hello

I parted with my Italian Stallion, my sportscar, my wanna be Vespa today. My Fiat Uno 1100cc has found a new home and we will no longer be the irresistible force any longer.

Gone are the days where my vocal engine sounds drowned out the real engine, where I would make tyre squealing sounds and look at myself in the rear view mirror in a look of amazement and pure joy.

So soon I depart for the shores of the Port of Elizabeth to pursue new adventures, meet old friends I have never met, friends I miss dearly and spend quality time with my parents. Alas Matt we cannot share that beverage I was so looking forward to, next time my friend.

My Dad has very advanced Parkinsons and there is very little chance he will even recognise me. My Mom has stood by his side faithfully and looked after him and cared for him as if he is a baby.
I am proud to call them my parents and even though I haven't seen my Dad for over 3 years, I know it will be hard to see him now.

I will be driving the 1100km back next Monday and will use the time to contemplate the past 2 years and determine the path for the year ahead.
The open road, good music and an overactive imagination, how much trouble could I get into haha.

So I am hoping that the Dark Ages are behind me and the Season of Light is about to dawn. I have packed sunglasses just in case.

Nite All

Alone is Ok!

Candy told me that there would be a point where I would no longer dread the loneliness and accept being alone as a time where I could relax. She also told me that this would become a time I would treasure and even look forward to.

As it is in most cases with her, she was correct. But let's go back a step or two.

I have always been someone who has been surrounded by people, a family of 6 growing up, team sports, the army, my own family unit of 4. I have never been alone and as such when my marriage ended I was not only devastated, I was also completely alone for the first time in my life. It scared me to the point where I was even unable to sleep without a light on.

The silence haunted me and made me panic with what if scenarios and eventually drove me to the point of madness. But that is the past.

Two very important truths were pointed out to me, one was that I would be able to be alone and not be lonely and two, that I had to learn to love myself again. This is not the sort of Johnny Bravo "Hey pretty Mama wanna come up to my room and see my pretty muscles" love. It is an acceptance of who I am, an ability to love the man in the mirror warts and all. It is the ability to see the wrinkles and accept them as life lines or laugh lines, a change of perspective and willingness to forgive myself and then in time others. I must be able to love the man in the mirror before I can truly love another.

What we project is also what we attract, project anger and inveribly it will come to meet you, live and love life and you will attract people to you because they want to share in your joy. By accepting who you are and striving to be a better person for unselfish reasons, you will attract love and warmth.

So tonight, remember that "Alone is ok".