The days that smell like coffee shop filled with pastries are as adorable as a first kiss, sweet, exciting and leave you breathless and smiling shyly.The days that resemble eating corn flakes out of the gutter are as charming as realising you do not have enough cash for petrol and buying milk for your daughters.
I am on a hill, this year has a solid grip on me and is weighing me down and sucking life out of me faster than a teenager texting their friends. The new year beckons, but its challenges are daunting enough without the added burden of last year on my back.
Add to this a life and health decision that requires no beer, exercise and a reduction in coffee and it is a bitter pill to swallow.
My chemical requirements have not lessened, I feel that if they ever reacted with the invisible radiation from my phone, I would become my own "glow in the dark" theme park.
My situation is not unique, a single middle aged parent trying to survive and provide as best he can for his teenage kids in a world running on speed and adrenaline. I am unable to maintain this pace.
So as I face these demons and feel them attempt to suck the life essence from me, I have 2 choices. One, succumb and slowly die a little more each day or two, survive on day at a time and smile between the attacks.
I feel like a wrestler who has been in the game 5 years too long and can't afford to retire.
Phrases like "hang in there" and "you can do this" with the added "many have endured and overcome" do not help me now.
A wise women once said, "you have survived worse and flippen hell Ted don't quit now". Quitting would be easy and I have never taken the easy route in my life so why start now.
The face in the mirror is weary and the eyes a little hollow and the shoulders a little drooped with battle fatigue. Surrender is not not option but battle weariness has worn my armour a little thin.
This will be last post for 2011, so until next year many blessings and love.
Nite Nite
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