Alone is Ok!

Candy told me that there would be a point where I would no longer dread the loneliness and accept being alone as a time where I could relax. She also told me that this would become a time I would treasure and even look forward to.

As it is in most cases with her, she was correct. But let's go back a step or two.

I have always been someone who has been surrounded by people, a family of 6 growing up, team sports, the army, my own family unit of 4. I have never been alone and as such when my marriage ended I was not only devastated, I was also completely alone for the first time in my life. It scared me to the point where I was even unable to sleep without a light on.

The silence haunted me and made me panic with what if scenarios and eventually drove me to the point of madness. But that is the past.

Two very important truths were pointed out to me, one was that I would be able to be alone and not be lonely and two, that I had to learn to love myself again. This is not the sort of Johnny Bravo "Hey pretty Mama wanna come up to my room and see my pretty muscles" love. It is an acceptance of who I am, an ability to love the man in the mirror warts and all. It is the ability to see the wrinkles and accept them as life lines or laugh lines, a change of perspective and willingness to forgive myself and then in time others. I must be able to love the man in the mirror before I can truly love another.

What we project is also what we attract, project anger and inveribly it will come to meet you, live and love life and you will attract people to you because they want to share in your joy. By accepting who you are and striving to be a better person for unselfish reasons, you will attract love and warmth.

So tonight, remember that "Alone is ok".

Dating after Divorce

Is there love after divorce?

The simple answer is yes.

There is however a but and this is where it gets a little complicated.

Love after divorce as I have found it has two levels, firstly if there are kids involved and secondly if the emotional issues of the first relationship have not been worked through.

When kids from a previous marriage are involved the your kids scenariou has serious issues concerning discipline, love, attention etc. To find an acceptable balance is about as easy as explaining why the stripper at the front door knows you on a first name basis.

I have 2 daughters, both teenagers and to attempt to introduce a third woman to the equation would be like juggling with porcupines. How would I  divide my time in a manner acceptable to all parties and still retain my already stretched limited sanity?

I still find myself watching my girls sleep and wondering what the future holds for them. Simon has a boyfriend, Nicole is battling with her own issues and is looking for Dad time and attention as well. She starts High School next year and I imagine her mind and body are changing as we speak.

So back to dating. How? When? Is it possible?

I don't know, I fear I might somehow be putting my girls before me and the thought of hurting them more than they have already been hurt is not negotiable. The look in their eyes when I had to tell them that Heather and I were getting divorced will haunt me forever. Their tears hurt me more than finding out about the reason for our divorce.

This doesnt answer my question, it does warn me of possible pitfalls and incidents that need to be taken into account.

As for finding ladies to go on dates with, anyone got a sexy single sister, someone interesting whose brain I can explore and laugh with and spoil with home cooked meals? Anyone?

The Good news?

Well, my girls have settled and we have an amazing open relationship.

I have incredible friends, a loving family and a body that comedians would kill for.

Nite All

A Walking Advertisement

We are walking advertisements and as such we all have a style, a look or an image we portray.

This includes our lifestyle and the way we wish people to see us. Some take great pride in appearance and as such do not wish to be associated with others who might cause them to be seen in a lesser light.

Others are obsessed with what they drive even to the degree that they do want to be seen in a lower "class" of vehicle.

Then you have the tree huggers a la fashionable vegans, these folk will often find difficulty telling the difference between a hot dog and a real dog even if it was flirting amorously with their leg.

This doesn't allow the carnivors the right to classify all white meat as wannabe veggies and meat on a stick as digestive toothpicks.

You are what you wear, you sell your soul to the god of Levi or Soviet, you dress up or down to tell the world, see me, love me or beware of me. A famous stripper whose stage name escapes me once said, "a monkey draped in silk and diamonds remains a monkey still".

That watch, those shoes, the fragrance makes you feel special, boosts your self esteem and allows you to live a little beyond yourself.

I have a selection of pipes, a brass Zippo and a stunning Humidor. I also have a plastic watch, old underwear and one pot and pan. I live somewhere between the naked Dad and the single chef, or something like that.

My point is this. It really doesn't matter who you are, who you want to be or what you used to be, just be happy with yourself.

Love yourself, embrace the you that you are and it will permeate to those around you.

Nite All  

Teenage Dating

I have been trained, brainwashed and coaxed into being a chauffeur for my teenage daughters first boyfriend.

Why?
Well, I delivered my daughter to a shopping centre, shook the hand of the young lad and watched him lead her away. 
Why was she smiling when she was walking away from Daddy?
Was she drugged?
How could be attracted to a human so fragile, the thought of handing over a priceless treasure without some rules seems irrational.

Here are the unmentioned rules:
You hurt her I break you into bite size chunks and make curry.
You cheat on her I will mount your head on a wall.
Touch her anywhere below the neck even accidentally and the ancient art of bloodletting will be re-introduced.

Whatever you do to her i have the privilege of doing to you.
I feel better already.

He was very polite and seems like a very nice young lad. Simon likes him. I am now an observer as she begins her journey into love, relationships and emotional experimentation. It is hard because I cannot protect her anymore, I have let her go and stand in the shadows anxiously watching and waiting.

Treat her well Sean




Nite All

Cheeseburgers & Dating

Monday morning 04h30 and a new week has nudged me not 
too gracefully out of bed.
As I climb into a bath rudely chastising myself for being overly generous with the cold water, I contemplate the 320km that will be travelled, the meetings and the admin that will await me with the excitement of a 2 year old fed on chocolate cake.

Is it abnormal to crave a homestyle cheeseburger at this time of the day? 
Slapping my belly and smiling as I wallow in my ever warming bath water, I decide no! 
A cheeseburger is the mans equivalent to a womans chocolate, it is the food that brings a smile to the face of the most miserable grumpy sour person you know. It is messy, juicy, salivatingly sensual and leaves you feeling as if you have just made love to a beautiful girl. 

I shaved, combed and dressed and sat down to a chocolate cluster cereal.

My appointment for 05h30 arrived at 07h00 and being Monday I simply smiled, shrugged and rose to greet it.
The day was busy and tiring and then the mother of all bombshells struck!

My Simon Has A Boyfriend!

Dads and dating teenage daughters, I did promise her I wouldn't kill him.

Nite All

(Now where did I put my night vision goggles and camouflage kit whahaha)

Supper and Pole Dancing

Supper with a pole dancer, need I elaborate?

Well perhaps I should. Pole dancing originated in America in the 1920's when female dancers would perform in large tents using the tent poles as their prop of choice.
It is an activity that moved into strip clubs and often incorporated lap-dancing and more sensual forms of entertainment.

So tonight I had supper with a pole dancer, female of course as male pole dancing has never reached the acclaimed heights it might have due to agonising mishaps. The most significant being the dreaded 3 Adam Apple syndrome.

It is now common practice I have been informed for homes to have portable poles for "practice" and recreational reasons. I can imagine a quick twirl after a fondue and applause from appreciative dinner guests and family members.

So back to dinner, salad and a pizza pie, a caraffe of red wine and an conversation that ranged from pole dancing, trick or treating and touched briefly on parenting and women who sleep with knives under their pillows.

It is these special moments that makes me appreciate my diverse and wonderful friends and allows me make a statement as follows; I was taken to dinner by a pole dancer.

Nite all

Courage

What is courage?
Is it the absence of fear? No I think it is the strength to do something despite being scared.

Sometimes courage means saving a puppy from a burning building, or saving the world from the invasion of the Swedish nannies.
But othertimes, it could be a simple act like forcing yourself to get out of bed, not taking verbal or any form of abuse and removing yourself from that type of situation in the future.

Courage does not dress itself in a superhero outfit, be 6ft tall and have a perfect smile. It could be a 5 year old who has to adapt to her parents divorce, it could a devastated heart broken parent realising that the past is a burning ruin and not having the slightest clue what to do next.
It is a hug to a 44 year old man whose heart and soul have been raped and simply committing to be there for him no matter what.

Courage is the tiny voice that shatters the silence.

Nite all