Willie Nelson Rocks

I like Willie Nelson.

I am sure more than half of you have clicked to the next blog by now, but hang on. If I had said I like Kim Kardashian or one of her 20 sisters then fair enough.

What makes Willie Nelson stand out for me? His hair? NO! His music? Well some of it is ok. His acting? Um I think Chock Norris acting in a musical might do a better job. Then what is it.

He is a survivor. Born in 1933 and fighting the establishment and standing up for what he believed in has not made him a favourite with the authorities. He has ever always fought for what he believes in. In 1993 due to mismanagement of his accountants he was bankrupt and lost all he had. He started from scratch at the age of 60, me starting from scratch at the age of 43 seems like childsplay in comparison. He paid back his debts and his friends bought some of his assets and rented them back to him at a nominal rate. I too have friends that have lent me almost all that I have in my flat, I do own my own underwear and pride myself that these are replaced once they wear through in the gravity regions causing a free falling scenario I am very uncomfortable with.

He has been married 4 times and has 7 kids, he has been arrested numerous time for the possession of marijuana but I suppose we are all allowed our faults, this is what makes us human after all.
He has fought for and campaigned for many years for causes such as Farm Aid, Bio-diesel, Anti-war and animal and horse welfare.
In comparison, I advocate free speech (not hate speech) free beer (My Free the Froth Campaign is in its early stages) and encourage the "Hug Someone Daily" slogan. I have been married once and have 2 kids and  have only been arrested once but not charged.

Willie Nelson is a free spirit operating within a system made to protect the middle classes from any threat to their little world they have cocooned themselves in, he fights and sings for what he believes in and has more hair on his head than I have on my entire body.
He reminds us that we need to do more than just our so-called 9-5 duty, I need to leave my comfort zone and embrace my neighbours warts and all, irrespective of their religious, social and musical choices.
Yes opera hurts but not as much as Oprah.

If they dont like beer, have a fruit juice with them.

Nite All

Dating after Divorce

Is there love after divorce?

The simple answer is yes.

There is however a but and this is where it gets a little complicated.

Love after divorce as I have found it has two levels, firstly if there are kids involved and secondly if the emotional issues of the first relationship have not been worked through.

When kids from a previous marriage are involved the your kids scenariou has serious issues concerning discipline, love, attention etc. To find an acceptable balance is about as easy as explaining why the stripper at the front door knows you on a first name basis.

I have 2 daughters, both teenagers and to attempt to introduce a third woman to the equation would be like juggling with porcupines. How would I  divide my time in a manner acceptable to all parties and still retain my already stretched limited sanity?

I still find myself watching my girls sleep and wondering what the future holds for them. Simon has a boyfriend, Nicole is battling with her own issues and is looking for Dad time and attention as well. She starts High School next year and I imagine her mind and body are changing as we speak.

So back to dating. How? When? Is it possible?

I don't know, I fear I might somehow be putting my girls before me and the thought of hurting them more than they have already been hurt is not negotiable. The look in their eyes when I had to tell them that Heather and I were getting divorced will haunt me forever. Their tears hurt me more than finding out about the reason for our divorce.

This doesnt answer my question, it does warn me of possible pitfalls and incidents that need to be taken into account.

As for finding ladies to go on dates with, anyone got a sexy single sister, someone interesting whose brain I can explore and laugh with and spoil with home cooked meals? Anyone?

The Good news?

Well, my girls have settled and we have an amazing open relationship.

I have incredible friends, a loving family and a body that comedians would kill for.

Nite All

Mumblings

I have embraced June as a month in which I expected to write and do so without effort, in truth I have been so busy I arrive home dragging my supper weary potentially ripped torso towards the kitchen.
If the beast is fed, I am able to rest, relax and gently fade into the evening like a whatchamacallit into a doofadab.

I have 4 different chocolates in my fridge resting in a tray in the door section and yet they hold no allure for me. Now is that simply sad or the self control of a Jedi or a dream that has nightmarish conclusions? No idea. All I know is I have reserves and no passion to indulge.

My girls are dozing off and tomorrow I will be serving my famous world renown Chinese takeaways for my good friends Eric and Adel. They are salt of the earth folk who live, love and embrace life and squeeze each precious ounce out of it. Wine will be poured, food will eaten and tales will be shared.

It has been forewarned that in future times wars will be fought not over oil but water, I disagree. The most valuable resource known to women is chocolate and this is the commodity that will cause nations to rise up and bare arms.

So it is time to seek joy in the land of the Swedish Nannies and deep sleep.

Nite All

The Kids Part 2

So much has changed in the past 2 years and yet there are still some consistencies, I am stronger, tougher and in the eyes of some harder.

But what hasn't changed is the lump in my throat as Simon stands in the driveway and waves goodbye to me and won't leave till I have gone.
What hasn't changed is that I battle to drive home and am unable to stop thinking about my girls.
Also the fact that we seldom speak on the way to their Moms house as we are all dealing with our own thoughts and processing them.

Even in a divorce where the needs and cares of the children are catered for, the upheaval from one parents home to another is tough for them.

My home is as quieter than the Clintons home when Monica's name is mentioned.

Kids are like avo trees grown in your lounge, protected yet still in need of love, nutrition and warmth. Our kids will radiate what we put in, treat them with respect and love, listen when they talk and encourage them to do their best.
Isn't it sad to see so many teenagers unable to chat to their parents because the folks are too busy, too irritable, too tired. Then we wonder why when the parents get older, they never see the kids when they leave home.

To be told that there is no-one or nothing in the world that you would be swopped with means more than everything else in the world.

Nite All

The Kids Part 1

As a kid in a divorce, I wonder where their loyalties lie? A family, torn apart by divorce, parents storming off in opposite directions and the kids standing shell struck and confused.

Imagine waking up one morning and instead of being in your home, you find yourself in a hotel room.

Instead of being able to run into your parents room and jumping into their bed for a snuggle, you don't know where you are. The rules have changed and nobody has explained them to you, your parents have changed and you are surrounded by tears and pain.

If a new partner is involved with one of your parents, you don't know how to address them or where they actually fit into your world.

Invariably a move to a new home is involved, the parents are involved with divorce negotiations and there are lots of emotions up in the air including anger, depression and trust issues. And somewhere in between this circus of madness, they need to "cope", go to school and act normally.

Good grief we expect a lot from them!

Nite All

i Dream . . .

 

Is it my imagination or did I seem to remember dreaming a lot more when I was a kid than I do now. Or is it simply that my memory was a lot better back then.

My girls tell me of their dreams and ambitions and I smile and admire the excitement and passion behind them.

When I left the corporate rodent race, I made a choice that led me on a road of exploration and survival. I thought by doing it I would ultimately be able to keep and protect my family and bring us closer as a unit.
My adventures included the life of a cook, testing of pressure vessels, 2 years on a construction site and then ultimately involved the world of engineering and manufacturing.

In the process I lost a wife, held a dog who had become my best friend as she was put to sleep, gained some new friends, cemented old friendships and most importantly, formed a bond with my daughters that money couldn't buy.

In my wildest dreams I could not envisage all of this 6 years ago, I would have considered the possibility of seeing a rib bone emerge on my body as a more realistic possibility.
It hasn't all been a tea party and there were times where I would hide and cry and wonder what the hell I had done. I stopped dreaming and switched to survival mode, I forgot to live and just went into robot mode.

Dreams allow men to wear tights in a world where no-one laughs at them, women to any outfit without any question of whether it affected the size of their bottoms.
It also enables us to do more, try more and definitely love more, dare to dream.

Nite all

School of Parenting

So I had to fetch Simon's report from school after work and I was a little weary, but hey its all part of the package.
I arrived and the first thing I noticed was not the prefects meeting and greeting us with a friendly polite "Good afternoon Sir / Ma'am". Neither was it the clean school property or the organised manner in which it was all planned and executed for the ease of collection.

Nope, it was the parents collecting the reports.
There was the extremely smooth charming and supposedly hilarious parent who strutted even more when the prefects smiled politely, the parent who the moment they entered the school property with their child began criticising and sternly running them down. You could see the student switch to stupid mode and show as much interest as the person working at lost luggage in an airport.

Then you have snob, who feels it is beneath them to greet anyone, smile, wait in queues and is so inconvenienced because she could be at a waxing or pedicure or planning her new nose.
Or what about the couple who hardly completed their argument and now have to "act" married. They are locked in an endless struggle for power and would rather beat each other with baseball bats than share a compliment.

My thought through all of this was, what the heck have these kids done to deserve this. My ex and I may not agree on much anymore, but when it comes to our girls, I would like to think we are adult enough to consider them as human beings whose welfare we are responsible for.

When did parents become such bottoms?
Has it always been this way?

I have friends who are unable to have kids and would be brilliant parents, then you have other folk who treat their offspring as if they are nothing more than an intrusion in a successful social life.

Nite all.

Yesterdays Youth

Its cold outside, my washing machine is wailing and moaning like a 6 year old being dragged off to Sunday school and I have just had coffee and rusks. Last night I had a burger with good friends and spent time at a shopping centre waiting for my Simon and her friend Shanny Pooh as they mingled, giggled and socialised. I watched young folk killing time running up and down escalators, smoking, sharing slush puppies and telling each other how "hot" or "not" other teenagers were.

I found myself wanting to respond the way my parents would have and then remembered that what seemed like yesterday, that used to be me. Time sure flies when life is pushing you downhill on a bicycle with no brakes. I have tried to take the attitude of less shouting and moaning and more attention, yet maintaining the boundries and discipline. So I want to be a fun loving rock. Maintain eye contact when I am spoken to and LISTEN without prejudice and answer with love and honesty.

Not easy.

I constantly have to remind myself that I am Yesterdays Youth and used to be the frowned upon and lectured to.

We were just looking for love and attention in a tough playground called life.

Good Nite All.

Single Parenting 101

I arrived home after work tired, irritable and basically miserable. It had been a tough day and I was finished.
This in itself is not a problem except I had my two girls waiting for me, excited, hungry and with tons of words they needed to use before they expired and disappeared forever.

So I did what any sensible rational single parent still new to the game would do, I jumped up and down in a tantrum of frustration and selfishness and demanded me-time and silence and a cooked meal. Actually I got hold of a good friend and her advice was simple, suck it up, get over it and love your kids.

You see I never realised the pressure single parents find themselves under, the sheer exhaustion when all have gone to sleep and the washing of dishes and clothes that never seem to end. Its Survivor - The Single Parent!

I love my kids more than life itself and will do whatever it takes to do what has to be done. I will do without and sell possessions if required, but I am human and have to admit that you have to dig deep some days. Life is tough. It isn't fair. And when you're down there seems to be a queue of people waiting to put the boot in. I had a tough day at work and some things were said that were not necessary and it put a real damper on my day. I need to exercise and am wondering if i can find the time let alone the energy to get started. It all takes time and effort doesn't it?

But and yes there is a but, there are moments of unbelievable joy, love and laughter that more than make up for all of this.

My girls have passed out next to me and the flat is dead quiet. It is peaceful and as I listen to their rhythmic breathing I know there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be.

Good Nite All

A Little Madness

It warms my heart to the point of bursting when I hear my girls voices over the phone and they relate with great excitement the events that happened that day and even more so when I get the occasional ‘I love you or I miss you Daddy”.

You see in reality, all it takes is a few choice words and hugs to keep a parent happy. We are not complex and even if we act that way, it is simply a guise to hide and protect that part of us that is too private to share in case it is used against us. Sometimes we are so caught up in the environment we have developed or that life has thrust upon us that we simply give up and go through the motions of life. We become robots that live for our annual holidays and the rest of the time life blurs past us, so my question is this; What are we going to do about it?

Add a little craziness to your life and here are a few examples that have worked for me;

· Make yourself a Gin and Tonic in a thermal travel mug and go for walk sipping as needed

· Sing some Italian opera to someone you don’t know in a shopping centre

· Pay for someone’s parking

· Go skinny dipping at night

· Eat a slab of chocolate for breakfast

· Go shopping for something you cannot afford and have no intention of buying

· Wear a crazy hat

· Read a newspaper upside down in a busy coffee shop

· Tell a waitress to bring you something to eat and drink and let her decide what to bring

· Wave and smile at people you don’t know

I think you get the idea, take an ordinary day and add a little magic, a little humour, add some spice to your life. We aren’t talking rocket science, I am not asking you to re-invent the xBox or get arrested for indecent exposure, just step out of your comfort zone and feel that thrill again.

Buy a t-shirt you would never dream of wearing and see if anyone says anything when you wear it, so I trust a little feedback will be forthcoming from some of you and man I can’t wait to see what you come up with.

You owe it to yourself and even more so, you owe it to your neighbour.

Have fun and Nite All

I Hate

Things I hate, I wish I could be more level headed about this, but here goes.

I don't mind being a single 45 year old male trying to reconstruct his life from the bottom up, I don't mind that I no longer have my big house, large garden and my beautiful faithful dog Lucy waiting for me when I get home. I can get over having the most amazing neighbours and having a few beers at the wall and the meals together. I can even get over the fact that not everything was 100% in my marriage.

But what I hate is divorce and the destruction, pain, chaos and continued cancer it leaves in its wake. It has the same effect as performing brain surgery with a chainsaw. It rips and tears and all who are close are splattered with the consequences and share in the shambles.

I hate that it affects my girls, my reason for existence and my pride and joy. It has caused me much sorrow and constant questioning and patience from friends as I attempt somehow to understand and unravel this mess.

I hate that my one daughter has decided not to spend Christmas day with me. I accept that it is a testing of wills and the circumstances need not be disclosed, but it breaks a 12 year tradition and leaves an empty seat in me..

I hate that there is a very good chance that this will affect my girls relationships with men in the future.
I pray that somehow they will look at the chaos and make sense of it all and be able to avoid the errors and confusion they have watched unfold before them.

Now I am weary, Nite all.

Driving with Chopsticks

Yes it is exactly what you think it is.
By my definition of the law, talking on a cellphone whilst driving is not permitted, however it says nothing about eating Chinese with chopsticks whist driving.

It was interesting and yes I was hungry and wanted to get to my destination so stopping was not an option. It does make turning sharply a little more difficult, but it can now be ticked off my list of things I never thought I had to do yet did.

I do realise that I am no movie star or famous model, perhaps mirrors do not weep when I step away or sob uncontrollably for me to return, but I am beginning to like who I am.
I am foremost a father, a man who takes parenting seriously and wants it to work. I mess up, I get angry, annoyed, impatient and do not feel very pleased with myself when I do.
I want to give my girls everything and with Christmas looming as close as a Tom Cruise to Katie Holmes, it is very hard for me to look at my potential budget vs potential gift list.

I want to spoil them and see their smiles when they open their gifts and somehow hope they won't be disappointed.

So what is a Dad to do, well like most folk, we do what we can, give what we can and love them and cherish them while we can. I have to lower my expectations and be more realistic when the entire worlds marketing campaign tells me to give more, do more and be more.

At least I drove with chopsticks today and suprised my girls by coming home a little earlier.

Good nite all