I Hate

Things I hate, I wish I could be more level headed about this, but here goes.

I don't mind being a single 45 year old male trying to reconstruct his life from the bottom up, I don't mind that I no longer have my big house, large garden and my beautiful faithful dog Lucy waiting for me when I get home. I can get over having the most amazing neighbours and having a few beers at the wall and the meals together. I can even get over the fact that not everything was 100% in my marriage.

But what I hate is divorce and the destruction, pain, chaos and continued cancer it leaves in its wake. It has the same effect as performing brain surgery with a chainsaw. It rips and tears and all who are close are splattered with the consequences and share in the shambles.

I hate that it affects my girls, my reason for existence and my pride and joy. It has caused me much sorrow and constant questioning and patience from friends as I attempt somehow to understand and unravel this mess.

I hate that my one daughter has decided not to spend Christmas day with me. I accept that it is a testing of wills and the circumstances need not be disclosed, but it breaks a 12 year tradition and leaves an empty seat in me..

I hate that there is a very good chance that this will affect my girls relationships with men in the future.
I pray that somehow they will look at the chaos and make sense of it all and be able to avoid the errors and confusion they have watched unfold before them.

Now I am weary, Nite all.