Room Service

Hi, I am Ted and I am divorced. Not dead, not socially outcast just divorced.

Ok so tell us Ted what the problem is? There is a problem I assume?

Well, here goes. I am a man with emotions, feelings and desires. I am attracted to beautiful women as I have been before, however before I was married and never considered an affair because of that. Now I am divorced, I do not wish to make love to every woman I see, but I would like love and be loved.
My work circumstances do not allow for a relationship as I spend 3 days a month back is South Africa, all of which is spent with my girls.

So what my dear friends is a fella to do?

Rent him a lady for the pleasure of her ways and then hitch up my trousers and set off on another adventure?
Pursue the possibility of a Russian bride, limited knowledge of the English language and customs perhaps, but beautiful, loyal (I am told) and a companion.
I have agreed on principle not to mention the little people, often referred to as midgets, oh here is an advert I found on a website under "Exotic Pets".
Midget for Sale
Entertaining, friendly, clean and can be litter box trained. Perfect for leash training, fetching and tricks. Can be dressed in cute clothes.
Imagine how jealous your friends will be when they see you have your own midget.

Ok enough little side issues, back to my moral dilemma, paying a lady for her services is out of the question, the sweet Russian bride is too close to slavery in my humble opinion.
Religion degrees all activities of a sexual manner be carried out or administered within the legal restrains of marriage, sounds very erotic doesn't. "Darling, I feel a stirring and am contemplating an administration if your schedule allows it?"

So, pray do tell, what is a divorced hot blooded man to do?

Nite All.

The 3rd Option

I have been away from my girls for 36 days by the time I get back to Johannesburg on Wednesday, that's a long time and add to that the lack of power, which in turn relates to a lack of water and hence no flushing toilet facilities.

Yes I can carry water up 2 flights of stairs for the toilet, but it has an odd metallic chemical taste and I fear that drinking it may lead to the spontaneous  origination of a third nipple or testicle, both which pose dilemmas I do not wish to expose. There is a mental picture I carry in my head of wearing a button up shirt and stretching back as we sometimes do, and lo and behold my middle nipple popping through and scaring all in sight.
The other option is far more graphic and disturbing, picture me running  . . . . better make that walking, slowly on the beach, I become lightheaded from the over exertion and fall over onto my back, legs slightly splayed. Lifeguard rushes in to "save and resuscitate" me, and by accident notices a third lump in my speedo. The third teste phenomena was stated on the coroners docket as my cause of death.
As a matter of interest, how would you walk with a third fella down there? Would you need to seat yourself with more care in lieu of perhaps sitting on one of the three?

This my friends is what goes through my mind whenever our power dies, for the record to date I have no glowing beams emanating from any part of my body so radioactivity can be ruled out.

On that happy note

Nite All