Its been a while since I put keyboard to blog and I suppose I needed an inspiration or desire to one again share whats on my heart.
This is a letter from myself to one of my daughters who is really going through a rough time and has been for a while now, I hope it will somehow put a smile on her face and let her know how much I love here even though I don't get to see her much. Perhaps it is also meant for someone else out there who feels the same way.
Hello my angel,
Firstly let me tell you that I love you, I have loved you since the first day I held you and when I think of you it makes me smile from my soul. I am battling to see the screen as I type this because, well my eyes have entered a leaking mode and I have a lump in my throat.
When you were born I never for one moment imagined what would happen to you and your sister, having to go through a divorce, changing schools, losing your home and trying to keep control of your little world as it slowly crumbled and collapsed around you. There were times when I know you cried yourself to sleep and wondered what you had done to deserve this, the answer is nothing. It was not your fault that your Mom and I parted ways, it was not your fault that you were and still are blamed for being "like your father" even though you are a thousand times the person I will ever be. You have seen so much and experienced both sides of family life, the one where it all works and the one where its a place where you just want to scream and rage against the world, I understand when you put in your earphones and just block out the world and I understand when your eyes swell with tears as you struggle to comprehend how trust, promises and love are smashed like a red wine glass falling on a tile floor. The wine that sprays in every direction is like your heart and you try desperately to clutch and grab it to stop the pain.
What has happened to you is what is supposed to happen to other people, not you and the way it has affected your health is understandable as your system struggled to survive and recover. It doesn't make it right or fair.
When I see you sobbing as we video chat I am both overcome with sadness and at the same time love, the fact that you are able to share your pain and vulnerability as well as your joy and craziness makes me proud to be your Dad.
You have a sensitive soul and a spirit that touches peoples lives and makes them smile, when you explode into a room it's like trying to wash a wriggling puppy, everybody gets wet. You have a gift, a talent so rare that those who know you and pass through your life always remember you for your smile, laughter and compassion. So how do I fix it, well in truth I don't. I can simply walk beside you and allow you to lean on me and even carry you when it gets really bad, I can comfort you when you don't want to talk and listen when you do.
If I could simply insert a memory stick into you, download all your pain and sorrow and transfer it to myself I would, but it is a part of the amazing person you are and it has enabled you to not only grow stronger, but help so many around you.
Its never easy when those you love and trust turn on you and hurt you, its the attacks we never expect that do the most damage because we don't ever imagine it would happen.
Here is what I know;
This is a letter from myself to one of my daughters who is really going through a rough time and has been for a while now, I hope it will somehow put a smile on her face and let her know how much I love here even though I don't get to see her much. Perhaps it is also meant for someone else out there who feels the same way.
Hello my angel,
Firstly let me tell you that I love you, I have loved you since the first day I held you and when I think of you it makes me smile from my soul. I am battling to see the screen as I type this because, well my eyes have entered a leaking mode and I have a lump in my throat.
When you were born I never for one moment imagined what would happen to you and your sister, having to go through a divorce, changing schools, losing your home and trying to keep control of your little world as it slowly crumbled and collapsed around you. There were times when I know you cried yourself to sleep and wondered what you had done to deserve this, the answer is nothing. It was not your fault that your Mom and I parted ways, it was not your fault that you were and still are blamed for being "like your father" even though you are a thousand times the person I will ever be. You have seen so much and experienced both sides of family life, the one where it all works and the one where its a place where you just want to scream and rage against the world, I understand when you put in your earphones and just block out the world and I understand when your eyes swell with tears as you struggle to comprehend how trust, promises and love are smashed like a red wine glass falling on a tile floor. The wine that sprays in every direction is like your heart and you try desperately to clutch and grab it to stop the pain.
What has happened to you is what is supposed to happen to other people, not you and the way it has affected your health is understandable as your system struggled to survive and recover. It doesn't make it right or fair.
When I see you sobbing as we video chat I am both overcome with sadness and at the same time love, the fact that you are able to share your pain and vulnerability as well as your joy and craziness makes me proud to be your Dad.
You have a sensitive soul and a spirit that touches peoples lives and makes them smile, when you explode into a room it's like trying to wash a wriggling puppy, everybody gets wet. You have a gift, a talent so rare that those who know you and pass through your life always remember you for your smile, laughter and compassion. So how do I fix it, well in truth I don't. I can simply walk beside you and allow you to lean on me and even carry you when it gets really bad, I can comfort you when you don't want to talk and listen when you do.
If I could simply insert a memory stick into you, download all your pain and sorrow and transfer it to myself I would, but it is a part of the amazing person you are and it has enabled you to not only grow stronger, but help so many around you.
Its never easy when those you love and trust turn on you and hurt you, its the attacks we never expect that do the most damage because we don't ever imagine it would happen.
Here is what I know;
- You are growing up into an amazing lady
- You have lots of people who appreciate you, love you and are blessed by you
- Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain
- Your capacity to love is far greater than you have ever imagined
- God loves you just the way you are because that is how He created you
In closing, I want to thank you for helping me to see life in a different perspective, for accepting my craziness and sharing yours with me and most of all, for being who you are.
I will always love you and I miss you very much
Dad
