Miles of Smiles Part Three

Christmas & Beyond

I used to love Christmas, the music, tree and all its decorations, cooking for lots of people and presents and most importantly, the Christmas Service at our local Church. The second last time we attended the Service, I went dressed in my Father Christmas outfit and the looks I got from the little kids present (and some of the parents) were worth every bucket of sweat I shed in that hour.
Since the divorce, I haven't been back to a Christmas Service, perhaps next year I will pluck up the courage.

So we were ready, off to bed early, trifle made, meat ready to go into the oven, presents wrapped and Dad sleeping. The previous three year Brian,Dee and their family had opened their homes to us and we had embraced this as place of safety to survive the day, this year we wanted it to be different.
We awoke, showered, wished each other Merry Christmas and my Mom and I got my Dad out of his bed, onto the wheelchair and then into his lazyboy chair, Mom does 90% of it and I simply assist because I want to be there, its more important than life itself that I do something.
Presents on the coffee table, Simon the official distributor and me with my Canon shooting the whole event. 
Lunch was amazing, my Mom feeding my Dad and the girls and I unable to move as we felt so full we   were not able to lie on our bellies for fear that our heads would not reach the pillows.
It was our third Christmas together and finally the spirit was back again.

The next day was shell hunting, (a task so dangerous that I was forced to reveal my torso to ward off the predators), a swim in the sea and supper with Brad and Vicky. This trip had also allowed us to meet old friends, some for the first time. In an age of electronic friendships, international friendships are possible and on this trip I was determined to meet as many of my friends I had never seen face to face, Brad and Vicky are not one of those, they have a house that oozes love, food, fellowship and  amazing wine. It was a home to all who entered it and no-one left empty handed. 

In life there are moments where you can just feel blessed and cared for, this holiday was reaching a stage where old wounds that were sealed were being healed, it was a spiritual experience where all we encountered was love and beauty and I felt like breathing again.

The Santa Session

And so it came to be that Christmas was approaching, ACDC Christmas Rock & Roll was blasting through the Shopping Centre and the GRUMPS (Grey Rude Unhappy Miserable Parent'S) were muttering under their breath about how expensive things were. They also detested the ACDC music, afterall, the stores had been playing BoneyM and Panflute Christmas Tidings for the past 25 years, why change now! Hrmphff!

I queued for Santa with all the kids and hence drew strange looks from the parents, a little girl no older than 5 was in front of me and after staring at me for a full five minutes looked me in the eye and asked, "Where is your child"? I explained that they no longer believed in Santa and I was in the queue because I needed something from Santa. At this point her mother noticed we were chatting and moved her daughter away from me, I was given the same look Macaulay Culkin's parents first eyed Michael Jackson before vast amounts of money exchanged hands.
But did this stop the little girl, oh no. She stuck out her little hand and said, "Hello, I am Katy", I shook her hand and told her my name was Ted. Then I gave her a sweet, a sweet laden with LSD and she was hooked and died after selling her organ for drugs!!! The End!!

Well, not really. She asked why I wanted to see Santa, I told her that I needed to know what to do for Christmas, who needed a present and what did he think I should give them. She frowned a little and then looked at me and said, "A Teddy Bear or a Puppy cos no matter how scared or lonely you get, both would be there till you felt better". I thanked her and left.

You see my friends, jewellery and pretty things, even electronics age and become dated, a puppy will love you, always be happy to see you and grow with you. However, if you are unable to keep a dog, a Teddy will always be there for you no matter what. I am getting myself a Teddy for Christmas, it is my gift from Santa. Yes it is a 10 x 8cm tattoo of a battered bruised Teddy and it reminds me that despite all the trials we face, someone somewhere still needs and depends on us. Christmas is not about you, its about special family, friends and loved ones, so your obligation is to arrive and see who might need that hug or french kiss.

Nite All

Santa's Special Delivery

So I had a dream, I was showering in a mysterious house I didn't know and there was a party downstairs.
Now I can imagine your first thought might be, 'Why are the heck are you showering if there's a party downstairs'? Well that part of the dream eludes me!
I can imagine I was somehow not in a state suitable for mingling. Perhaps I had been refereeing a mud wresting contest OR cooking and preparing grilled king prawns OR assisting in the delicate task of coating chocolate bunnies for Hugh Heffners Christmas Bash!

So I was showering and stepped out to dry myself when horror upon horror, I heard the ever nearing steps of stilettos approaching the bathroom. I did what any man in my position would do, I wrapped a towel around my head and closed my eyes. (in hindsight I should perhaps have covered my body as well)

So I was hiding with my back to the door when I heard it open.
Note to Self! When hiding in plain sight for all to see, hiding your head in a towel does not make you invisible!!!!

The door opened, I waited for the scream, but instead I heard the door close and those high heels approach me. I tensed and felt arms gently draw me near and the most beautiful husky voice whisper in my ear, "Look what Santa delivered for me"

Merry Christmas to each of you
For reading my tales the whole year through
Happy or sad or a little off key
They tell the adventures of little old me
May your day be filled with Christmas Cheer
I will toast you all with an ice cold beer

Nite all

Dating vs Photography

It is a well known documented fact that not everyone is normal. No, some of us are just a little on the warped side and as such do not fit the mold required by civilised society.

There is no simple way to say this, dating and relationships are complicated and confusing. You call too much, you don't text enough, you aren't serious enough or you don't talk enough. Its like peeing into the wind, you just aren't going to come out of the situation unscathed.

It is not a jungle out there, it is a zoo and the animals are free to roam and has anyone seen the zookeeper?




I am seriously considering the possibility that alone I shall be, friends yes, acquaintances definitely and as for the rest, well I shall have a queen sized bed for myself. I shall indulge myself in my new found hobby of photography and speak more freely with my hands. Pixels, jpeg and acupuncture (or is it aperture) shall be my guru. I shall follow my lens and point it where it is not rude and snap and smile to my hearts content.


Monopod, camera bag and a little lens shall be on my bbm to Santa and he shall not received the antidote to the poison in his cookies lest I receive one of the above. If he dies, he dies.

So adieu to strange relationships and hello to wierd and wonderful friendships.

Nite all