Raising Teenagers Made Simple

I will not murder them I will not murder them I will not murder them!

Sound familiar?

How many parents of teenagers have sworn this self-motivating chant to themselves?

I have 2 of the easiest most well behaved teenaged daughters in the world and yet, at times I feel the urge to spice them, baste them and add the proverbial apple to the mouth and slow roast them. Remember the promise we made when we became parents and entered this world with the enthusiam of a puppy attacking a roll of toilet paper? We swore on all things holy, pure and blessed that we would NOT become like our parents.We would be different! A new generation of parenting, after all what did our parents know.

Reality is that we try the best we can, by trial and error, add love, frustration and worry and somehow we get through it all. I am a single Dad with enough finances to raise one and a half kids, I have two and as I ponder the expenses vs income, I am well aware that I can not resort to exotic dancing on re-inforced tables in my sleeping hours. I now longer require beauty sleep as this is as good as it gets. The greying twitching ex-hunk is no longer able to party till 2 and bounce into the office at 7 unless he has been catapulted into his work station.

Questioning their music and in particular rappers with names like Lil Drake, 25 cents and the Usher will be the equivalent of you dancing in public in their presence.

So to those fellow parents of teenagers, we love them, we feed them and we guide them. we can do no more.

PS in terms of shopping for clothing for these little angels, I have discovered that a fistful of cash will save you fortune in return trips exchanging items you so lovingly chose. Do not be offended, simply accept that your taste in fashion died as your eyesite deteriorated.

Nite All

B.A.D. (Blessings After Divorce)

Who would have thought?
Candy? Dee? You should both be smiling, my special sisters who never gave up on me. You guys never gave up and showed patience and love beyond human understanding. Bless you!

Blessings, let me count them.
Firstly no-one in the world has two more beautiful sensitive loving daughters. When they heard the news of our pending divorce, it destroyed their world, they were shattered.
I didn't ever imagine that 4 could be replaced by 3 and still make a whole.

Their smiles and laughter are the chocolate and fresh cream in the eclair I call my life.
Yes their school-work suffered, there was anger, hurt and confusion, all I could so was love them, cuddle them and listen to them. And they understood and realised that I couldn't be all they needed but they waited.

Divorce is more cruel than telling me that Santa doesn't drink beer or that the Easter Bunny doesn't live in the Playboy Mansion. Its like discovering that mirrors don't lie and have a seriously malicious streak in them.

Divorce I must add is not a death sentence, but an opportunity to learn, ponder and start with a clean slate.
Memories from Heartache and Hope from Pain.

Nite All.

A Kiss and a Thank You

To say I enjoy discovering who I am and the experiences and insights along the way would not be completely honest.
I am impatient and critical and have the innate ability to analyse situations to death. I also have the compassion and love to care deeply for family and friends, as I do not have a partner I am using this period to try and understand what is happening in my life.

I dreamt the other night of a kiss, the sweet sensual parting of the lips, the gentle engagement and slight gasp as they met. There is an electricity as two forces meet and tongues caress each other like a silk sheet touching your bare skin.
To me there is no more erotic moment than a kiss. It is the baring of one's soul to another, opening a secret door and trusting it will be loved and not shrugged aside.

I see people, study them and their actions. Couples in love, a parent with their children, the way we interact with strangers. I notice that I do not smile enough, compliment enough and at times listen enough.
One of my favourite quotes is that I am "all ears and a little stomach", forgive me if I have heard you and not listened.

Sometimes I just want it to be all about me, I need to be selfish and need affirmation and feel like a kid again.

Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your time.

I am deeply appreciative.

Nite all.
 ee them  

My eX

I was asked not to write about my ex-wife Heather in my blogs, however because we share 2 beautiful daughters it only seems fair that I do.

Today is her birthday and she is turning. 35ish and this blog is my gift to her.

How would I describe her?
She is passionate, a gifted person in the area of numerous crafts and the ability to teach them to others.

She loves our daughters and cares for them and like any parent with 2 teenage daughters I can only imagine the temptation to love, throttle, laugh and scream all in the space of 15 minutes.

Heather has made her choices in life as have all of us and she has taken to her new life with the purpose and passion that makes her the person that we all know and grew to love.


Despite our differences, disagreements and banging of heads, we both want what's best for our girls. We might not agree on much, but our personal lives are our own and involve Simon and Nicole.

So today I wish you a very blessed and wonderful year and trust it will be easier than the last one.

Nite all

The Curry Bites Back

I stopped en route home at a curry place at Edenglen near Woolworths and bought a vegetarian bean and potato curry, because I wasn't going to cook and hadn't eaten today besides my cereal. I decided to take my meds and vitamin B and have the curry. The first 4 mouthfulls were stunning but the 5th tasted funny and too herby for me so I took it out of my mouth and it was a dead bug twice the size of an adults thumb nail.

It was obviously no longer a vegetarian meal and the additional protein with legs or tentacles left a somewhat bitter, acidy taste in my mouth. Had I perhaps consumed one of the owners pets or were they a delicacy flown in from a broom cupboard and casually ignored as they fell asleep in my curry.

I am saddened my meal had transformed itself to a National Geographic Special without my written consent and as such I am forced to pay them a visit tomorrow to discuss this menial legality.

Good Nite Friends

Where is Love?

Why can't I find love on my doorstep?

I have been divorced for 13 months and yes I get lonely. I enjoy my quiet times and own company and when I have my girls it is hectic and exciting and fun. The week I don't have them is so very different, like goats milk and cream soda.
I feel a void where something is missing, I am not sure if it is a spiritual void or emotional emptiness. I know the healing process is a long one and the friends who have and are walking alongside me are amazing and supportive in so many aspects. Why does friendship and company seem to present itself to me over 1000km's away, why can't it be on my doorstep or at least in a closer proximity? Could the reason be that I am not ready now for this next phase in my life? I hope not.
I know I am not ready for marriage and that level of commitment, but friendship, companionship and even dating would add something that would somehow make me feel "wanted or needed".

I want to shout to the heavens and scream 'Why! What! Help me understand! Perhaps I am simply being selfish and need to process to take its course and at the same time I want to be more proactive. Instant society equals instant gratification. I feel like a whale trapped in a sardines body, I want to explode, be all I can be but am not ready for the emotional responsibility that comes with it. Spiderman was told the same and he still found himself in sticky situations. Batman found himself partying or fighting for his life with no rest between the extremes. And as for Harry Potter, well he kept going back to a school where people were trying to kill him, same as the mentally challenged cheerleader who goes into the haunted house because she heard a scream come from it.

Sometimes stupidity comes from it all and we need our friends to hug us, turn us around and lead us home.

Do I want love? Do I want a kiss that will rock my socks off? Do I want to wake up and see a beautiful face sleeping next to me? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Time will tell.
Nite all