Waves

I am amazed at the adventure we refer to as life and the manner it to seek out the weak from the strong.

I see it as being on the beach and playing in the waves, very seldom do we do it alone and hardly ever do we see all the potential dangers.

Humour me a bit here, imagine you are a child of say eight, playing in the waves. There is no greater feeling of pure raw fun, salty water in your eyes, the sun hot and the water cool and refreshing. Then out of nowhere you are distracted and a wave knocks you over, because you weren't watching your back it got you. Down you go and the wave roughs you up a little, maybe you swallow a little water. You struggle to your feet and a little confused and shocked you try and collect yourself, but before you can a slightly larger wave knocks you and this time holds you down a little longer. You emerge gasping for air and coughing, maybe a little disorientated and most of your confidence dissipated, vision blurry and fear and the first signs of panic have set in. You might even be on the verge of crying at this point.

As the next wave attacks and bullies you raw panic and fear set in and now you're in serious trouble! But here is the really cool part, as the wave hits, you feel strong arms lift you, cradle you to a warm chest and lift you out of the water. A soothing voice, strong and comforting says your name and tells you it is all ok and not to worry, you are safe now. You bury your head in the chest and sob with relief. The voice continues to comfort and soon you are on the beach, a towel wrapped around you, he is stroking your hair and kissing your forehead and you feel safe.

Those waves have a way of beating you and throwing you about, they pull you under, scare and confuse you and will ultimately kill you. But you are not alone in all of this, you do not have to face it all one on one.

We have the choice and in my case, swimming alone is no longer an option I choose. I am tired of fighting the ocean, it just wears you down, tires you and then it is too late.

Good night

A Night Out?

What a day with my girls, never thought I would be one standing in the underwear section helping them making choices about matching lingerie. A year ago that would not have been possible and yet it wasn't awkward and didn't feel strange.

I found some old music and my treat for the month, 2 new pairs of underpants, sad perhaps but practicle. Girls had a blast, Simon got some books, a new big black bag and a cd, Nicole a poster, a new purse and a top I was assured by Simon was 'Ok Dad'.

Needless to say the girls were exhausted and collapsed on the couch and have been watching Vampire Diaries for the past 5 hours. They are chilled and having fun and I am blessed they want to spend time with me.

My friend who was so hurt yesterday is so much better today it is almost hard to believe, she is calmer and back in a place where she can think rationally and is feeling better.

I was fine till the evening and then I had the feeling I was bursting from my seams and needed to just let some steam off. Not possible tonight but hey, let's see what happens next week. Still processing it all and seeking opinions from good friends, any opinions please let me know. I want to go ona drinking spree for one night, let my hair down and forget about everything for a couple of hours, can any of you relate to this?

I feel that much has been taken from me, a lesson perhaps for my lust to seek and attain and collect, perhaps the removal and absence is my learning and part of my journey towards a new place, a new me and new beginnings. The unwinding and unravelling of the old is painful and difficult, it is the reversal and removal of habits that have been comfortable for many a year.

So I must retire as my meds begin to weave their web of medical magic.

Goodnight.