Shooting for Life

I have an incredible desire to shoot people.

My favourite is to sneak up on them and then shoot them before they even know what has hit them. In my ideal world, I would be hidden, watch them as they went about their daily tasks, the manner in which they interact with someone or something, focus and then do it.

When I am unaware that I am being watched, I act differently as I am sure we all do. My posture is a little more relaxed, my firm masculine rippling biceps are less noticable and my hair a slightly rustled and unkept look about it. Photography has the ability to capture in a single frame a thought or emotion the naked eye might not notice. I have seen photos that have made me smile, others that make my heart burst with pride (a photo shoot of my girls and I) and then those that make me cry. The photo I have included of the man to the right is my Dad. It says so little and yet it tells an entire tale and it is one I tried to ignore for so long.

When my Dad was first diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, I noticed the minor changes and simply accepted them. The change came when it started to affect him physically and in particular his brain and memory, I entered a state of denial and felt an incredible battle inside me. I refused to accept that this was happening to him and as such I missed out emotionally on a journey I now regret.
My divorce was one of the biggest emotional blessings I could ever have received as it forced me to face my emotions and express these foolishly flippant farcical feelings. I embraced pain, discovered a side to me I had forgotten about and learnt to connect with my girls on a level I had never known. I also realised that my Dad now, ill as he is and possibly with very little if any recollection of me, was all of and even more of the Dad I had ever dreamt him to be.

When I last visited my parents in September 2011, I had the privilege of watching and chatting with this man. Even though the conversations were stuttered and not always complete, I enjoyed them. I had the pleasure of seeing him through the lens of a camera and capturing moments I will forever carry with me. I also witnessed again my Mothers amazing love for her husband as she cared for him well beyond all human expectations. Her never ending care and constant compassion for the man she still loves so dearly after 47 years of marriage has kept him alive and active. I can never explain the pride and love I have for this incredible woman.

And so I continue to shoot people, special people and in a sense attempt to captivate that glimmer of magic in a world where hope is alive, where love definitely flourishes and the human spirit will not die.

Nite All

What a Deal

Hello Sir

Hello, how can I help you?

Well, I am 2012 and would like to thank you for the opportunity to introduce myself and wish you the very best for the year ahead. If I may be so bold i had a chat with 2011 and she mentioned that you had some problem areas that might be looked at to avoid reoccurrence of similar situations.

Should I be sitting down for this and will this brutal honesty  hurt less than having to publically admit that I am a South African cricket supporter?

Haha we have a wonderful opportunity we would like to offer you. We are prepared to upgrade all your hardship and unpleasant moments of 2011 to Experience Bonus points at no cost to yourself.
But wait, if you accept now we will provide you with a sculptured photoshopped torso of yourself in ice! Great for parties and oyster bars.
Also guarantees you to be the coolest guy in the room!

And if you are one our lucky first customers born on a Monday at noon on a leap year and your parents have been to the Pyramids and the Great Wall of China before 1975, you could qualify for a further 3%.

So embrace the year and good luck to you too.

Nite all

Demon Days

It happens, life is a menagerie of intertwined emotions and circumstances that invade your secure world like patrol of stubborn ants.

The days that smell like coffee shop filled with pastries are as adorable as a first kiss, sweet, exciting and leave you breathless and smiling shyly.
The days that resemble eating corn flakes out of the gutter are as charming as realising you do not have enough cash for petrol and buying milk for your daughters.

I am on a hill, this year has a solid grip on me and is weighing me down and sucking life out of me faster than a teenager texting their friends. The new year beckons, but its challenges are daunting enough without the added burden of last year on my back.

Add to this a life and health decision that requires no beer, exercise and a reduction in coffee and it is a bitter pill to swallow.
My chemical requirements have not lessened, I feel that if they ever reacted with the invisible radiation from my phone, I would become my own "glow in the dark" theme park.

My situation is not unique, a single middle aged parent trying to survive and provide as best he can for his teenage kids in a world running on speed and adrenaline. I am unable to maintain this pace.
So as I face these demons and feel them attempt to suck the life essence from me, I have 2 choices. One, succumb and slowly die a little more each day or two, survive on day at a time and smile between the attacks.


I feel like a wrestler who has been in the game 5 years too long and can't afford to retire.

Phrases like "hang in there" and "you can do this" with the added "many have endured and overcome" do not help me now.
A wise women once said, "you have survived worse and flippen hell Ted don't quit now". Quitting would be easy and I have never taken the easy route in my life so why start now.

The face in the mirror is weary and the eyes a little hollow and the shoulders a little drooped with battle fatigue.  Surrender is not not option but battle weariness has worn my armour a little thin.

This will be last post for 2011, so until next year many blessings and love.

Nite Nite