If you were a pirate!
Would you, could you, hold a cutlass to the throat of a man, look him in the eye and lean and say, "Well shiver me timbers, you want to date me daughter?"
As he sweats and his lower lip trembles, would you be able to say "Is it worth losing an eye and a hand over me laddie, if ye were daft enough to attempt to kiss her or lay one of your filthy paws on her, would you hear the oncoming blade as it swings towards your ever so pale exposed neck?"
Upon the birth of daughters, there is an ancient unwritten law that permits the father to take as many lives by any means as often as he deems fit, to protect the dignity and innocence of his angels. It is also stipulated in the same creed that his daughters are never at fault and any young smelly lying heathen male who insinuates differently should be dealt a slow painful death of the fathers choosing.In days of old, it was customary for young ladies to wear chastity belts and be visible at all times.
Then there emerged the most evil of devices, the cellular phone.
It is a device so devious and despicable and when placed in the hands of a pimply overdressed hustler, allows many to hypnotise young ladies into poses and pouts no parent should ever be allowed to see. It is because of these threats that dads all over the world were solely responsible for the rise of a species called Zombies. Zombies are nothing more than teenage boys who have been injected with a Rabied Endorsed Drug Biologically Undertaking Life Loss, also commonly known as RED BULL. The state the teenager male emerges from after consumption of this drug, brainless and in seek of brains as he has none of his own, placing the entire world at risk and allows for the need of FATHER.FATHER (Fighter Assassin Teacher Hero Eradicator Robot) is called upon to save the day, he the Bruce Willis of Destruction, the Chuck Norris of Toughness and the Incredible Hulk of Negotiators, when a teenage girl shouts "FATHER" he springs into action and protects her at all costs.
So why a pirate?
Simply because some have branded him outdated, over-protective and even, well I hate to mention it, barbaric. Pirates served a purpose fighting for those who could not fight for themselves, they sailed seas and fought monsters and finely dressed pampered sons of the Queen to protect their treasure. Daughters are the treasure that FATHER protects and thus he is a modern day pirate, a saint whose passion is often not understood or honoured.
In closing, let this be an encouragement for all the Pirates out there, you have a mission and responsibility to uphold and protect that which is dear and sacred to you, your daughters.
Nite and happy hunting
