Dark Chocolate World

I love dark chocolate. Slightly bitter, strong as tequila and as black as a politicians heart.
It relaxes me and helps me contemplate life, love and my spiritual journey.

I have hit a low in two of them and the recurring mantra that rocks my brain and logic is "why".
To question is natural and to doubt human. I am no superhero powers despite being able to split an apple in two with one finger,  getting slapped for growling at beautiful women and surviving two very close shaves of the unspoken kind.

I am someone who tries to wake with a smile and keep it going for as long as possible. The whole rainbow and unicorns
Some days I succeed and then on other occasions a couple of days attack me at once and I fall quicker than Bafana Bafana head coach.

When I am in this self preservation mode I withdraw and watch the world pass by. Waving from the shadows is like smelling a rose in your sleep. It serves no purpose and brings no joy.
Friends do that. They entertain our misery and criticism and allow us to work through it. This is what a true friend is, someone who listens and is a shoulder to lean on and in some cases a warm cup of tea or a cold beer.

Now I need dark chocolate and a dark room.

Nite all.

MSG moments of the week?

Mad - I have the potential to get bitter about life and it angers me

Sad - I am single again

Glad - my Mom, my girls, my friends, my job, beer and red wine

Saturday and a Hug

Its Saturday. Early Dr's visit with Simon and then off to the pharmacy followed by breakfast at Smau's which was awesome.

Home, homework for Simon and TV for Nicole.
Dad on couch.
Complicated?
Nope its Saturday.

This is a day for lying back, for smiling, eating too much and spending it with the ones you love. A day to eat prego rolls and boerewors rolls so juicy the sauce runs down your chin, vegetable pesto pasta, pizza with hot stringy mozzarella or fried chicken and couscous salad with a crispy white wine.

If you have a partner, make them a cup of tea or coffee and hold hands as you stroll together, forget about the world and its madness for a while, imagine the 2 of you are alone and kiss is public because you just love life more than the strangers stares and giggles around you.

I see families rushing through life and so intent on doing life they forget to live life. Go to a busy coffee shop in a shopping centre and order something to drink and just watch people. See if you can spot the lovers, the workers, the sad and lonely, the hurt, the tired and the bitter.

What concerns me is that the only ones holding hands and paying real attention to their partners are the young and the retired. The inbetweeners are in the fast lane, hooting profusely and overtaking each other with spittle and sweat flying. We are racing towards divorce, nervous breakdowns, ulcers, heart attacks, cancer and debt. We have to slow down. We have to take an inventory of our priorities in lives and decide whether we want to change lanes or stay on the current route.

I chose unwisely and have the scars and divorce agreement to bear for it. It was never enough. To spare you the whole boring saga, divorce came, it took, destroyed and left it ruins behind.

The path forward has been difficult but not without its blessings and intervention of incredible people guided into my path.

Enough for tonight, if you with someone you love at the moment, give them a hug, a kiss and a smile.

Good night all.

breathe

Ever had one of those days where you wish there was no law against tapping people on the head with a 10 pound hammer!

Yup, today was one of those! I felt as if I was crawling out of my skin and wanted to rub my eyes on concrete. Bloody hell, everything, everyone, all the little creatures were just ruffling my imaginary feathers the wrong way.

And what advice did I receive? A single word, "Breathe"

Think about it, we do this all the time, but when all about you are dragging their nails on a schoolroom blackboard what are you going to do?

Breathe.

Slowly, deeply through your nose, hold it and exhale out of your mouth. Repeat this 10 times, not 5 or 8 but 10. Keep your eyes closed and it feels as if someone is peeling off the layers of stress. Do it sitting down and rest your hands on your knees.

That's it.

Sounds too good to be true! What about a vibrating rabbit that will run over your back and has been blessed by Siberian Meditating Monks and tested in a Japanese speed train on 2000 passengers. But that's not all, it is solar powered and a single ray of sunlight will keep it running for 2 weeks. Its healing and relaxing powers are the equivalent of 100 Zen massages and 14 days of alcohol induced sleep therapy.

Music of Choice tonight 'Creed - My Own Prison'

I ended my day buying a piece of meat I have no intention of eating tonight, going to the neighbourhood Coffee Shop and having an Americano with warm milk. Then a 100m drive to park my vehicle and drag myself and my piece of meat upstairs to my flat.

Only post today, a letter for an overdue account and phonecall so far tonight for an overdue account. Is it my incredible powers of observation or is there some sort of pattern emerging.

Positive thought for the day - Divorce is like planting a young tree, it requires love and lots of crap to make it grow strong and produce fruit.

Long Weekends and Coffee

Well a long weekend has come and ridden off into the sunset, it stayed briefly and then seemed to accelerate through Saturday and Sunday.

I was thinking of food tonight, soul food, think of coffee dates and chatting to people about life, love and breathing.

Firstly the food, roasted crispy pork belly, cauliflower and a rich cheese sause and a fresh green salad with cold roasted vegetables and drizzled lightly with olive oil. I can almost smell it let alone taste it!

As for coffee dates, well the truth is I am lonely and even though I have only been divorced 8 months, I have in fact been separated for more than a year. It is not the sexual intimacy I long for, but more the company and laughter and tears of another human being. To be able to sit and just enjoy a cup of coffee and discuss interests, life, dreams and at the same time disappointments would be nice. Am I ready for this? I have no idea.

As for breathing, well it just takes life back to its most basic rituals. To forget about all the chaos and crap around us is not easy and thus we need to find a happy place. A place to switch off the world and just breathe. I am trying, but not winning at the moment.

Nicole made her first spaghetti bolonaise at her Mom's tonight and was apparently very proud of herself, but not as proud as her Dad is of her, well done my Angel. Simon had her sleepover and this morning at 4 I received an sms from her. We had an enjoyable chat and she is now dead to the world.

I have frequented the little coffee shop in the area and can highly recommend it, the decor is homely yet artistically sparse, service brilliant and the hostess/owner an absolute honey. As for the food, delightful and reasonably priced. I shall definitely make a regular spot for a cup of tea and something to nibble on.

And now I had better get to sleep I suppose.

Good night all.