Second Chances

You have two options in life, do it or think about it and never do anything about it.

Doing it results in yourself being open to hurt, rejected or elation and adventure. So what will you do?

I tried to play by the recognised timelines and theology that time heals all pain and the best will be rejuvenated and possibly even superseded, I waited because initially I was incapable of giving and would have ventured into areas I had no concept of knowing how to deal with.

Let me explain.

When I first realised that I no longer loved my ex which was about a year after the divorce, I had two huge dilemmas to overcome. The first was that I had loved her for so long after the divorce and secondly whether I was ever able to love again. Love doesn't die overnight, it fades and slowly wilts like a flower deprived of water or a dead fish hidden under the couch of someone who did you wrong. When the realisation dawns that it is dead, you either live with the shrivelled memory or you replace it with a better memory, aalmost like brushing your teeth after eating a brussel sprout covered in chocolate.

It is hard to lose faith in something, be it God, life, love or happiness and resign yourself to accepting the alternative as your new standard. God never left me, He simply needed me to stop shouting long enough to get a word in and that whisper was enough. Life means getting up no matter how difficult and soul destroying the day ahead seems and somehow facing it despite the consequences.

Love, well the harsh reality is that it may take a lot of failed dates before you find someone who will accept you as you are, you might still be looking and even reach a stage where you say "Enough".

My plea is simply to keep looking and take that chance.

Why? Because a day of smiles and laughter is worth a month of pain.

Because sunlight after a week or month of rain brings smiles and happiness.

Because you deserve better, a new chance, hope and a reason to fall asleep with a smile on your face.

Nite All

A New Beginning

A remark made by a very good friend (One that I had a massive crush on in High School hehe) and confirmed by others for a while made me realise that a new hat had to be worn by me.
It can become "comfortable" to live glancing over ones shoulder expecting the demons and ghosts of Memories Past to pop up and attempt to dominate and affect your future.

An example would be Christmas. Christmas to me became a tradition of family and friends, a large home-cooked meal and laughter followed by a doze (also known as a meditative relapse) on a couch and then a cleaning up operation of note. It was a time where no cost was spared and credit cards, cash and accounts were pillaged and plundered the way a puppy would devour your favourite slipper. There were traditions that included the erection of the tree, dusty boxes weighing more than Aunt Eva's bottom brought  down and unveiled. Not Aunt Eva's bottom but the boxes Mark.
Lights, millions of wooden characters and scratching my dogs head as she watched all of this with the excitement of observing a snail waiting for its Garmin to acquire satellites.
It was a lovely Hallmark moment and I loved it.

This will be my third Christmas since the divorce and my girls and I are still attempting to find our groove, there is no tree, there is no dog and Aunt Eva and her bottom and bosom are long forgotten. I am peace with the new Ted and we are getting along pretty damn well when he isnt trying to go cold turkey and bulldoze his way through time and space.

So it is with a smile that salute and thank Dr Ted's Divorce Adventure and welcome Dr Ted's Life Adventure.

Lights, camera, action and please no white speedos, after all parental guidance is advised for sensitive stomachs.

Bless you all for your comments, thoughts and encouragement. All are appreciated and accepted with an open mind.

Nite All

Goodbyes and Hello

I parted with my Italian Stallion, my sportscar, my wanna be Vespa today. My Fiat Uno 1100cc has found a new home and we will no longer be the irresistible force any longer.

Gone are the days where my vocal engine sounds drowned out the real engine, where I would make tyre squealing sounds and look at myself in the rear view mirror in a look of amazement and pure joy.

So soon I depart for the shores of the Port of Elizabeth to pursue new adventures, meet old friends I have never met, friends I miss dearly and spend quality time with my parents. Alas Matt we cannot share that beverage I was so looking forward to, next time my friend.

My Dad has very advanced Parkinsons and there is very little chance he will even recognise me. My Mom has stood by his side faithfully and looked after him and cared for him as if he is a baby.
I am proud to call them my parents and even though I haven't seen my Dad for over 3 years, I know it will be hard to see him now.

I will be driving the 1100km back next Monday and will use the time to contemplate the past 2 years and determine the path for the year ahead.
The open road, good music and an overactive imagination, how much trouble could I get into haha.

So I am hoping that the Dark Ages are behind me and the Season of Light is about to dawn. I have packed sunglasses just in case.

Nite All

Wow

It was a day that began with me waking up with butterflies in my stomach. I am more at ease facing 3 gangsters in a dark alley than meeting a lady one on one. 25 years ago was the last time I wooed a lady and I was scared I would mess it up.

Then I saw her in her jeans, boots and bright top and she was smiling, we sat and spoke and enjoyed lunch for 4 hours and it seemed to pass in 10 minutes.

We had coffee at her home and the next hours evaporated like a keg of beer at a 21st, I had to leave while I was still able to and have not stopped smiling since.

She is the cream in my coffee, my candle in the wind and lady in red, despite how corny it may sound it all seems applicable.

I had to restrain myself from even touching her hand and I was not sure if my heart could cope with that. Her eyes dance like flames in a camp fire and her words calm me and excite me in the same breath.

Somewhere the angels are smiling on me and for that I am grateful and blessed. To you who have journeyed with me in paths of brokeness and pain, a flame was lit in my heart today.

Nite all

The Nite Before Easter

Easter has come and gone and it was spent with my girls. That should be all I have to say.

Nite all

Ok, you need more body to the blog so here goes.
Twas the night before Easter and all was still, gentle rain caressed the earth and a slight chill filled the air.

The father and daughters were watching television and oblivious to the threat that lurked in the room next to them.

When they least expected it, darkness struck and absorbed all the light. A gasp escaped the lips of the girls and their eyes widened, a mild panic set in.

All they had were candles, food for a week and chocolate bunnies, these were grim times indeed.
We interrupt this transmission for a word from our sponsors, ACNE (African Candle Natural Exporters) where candles can be spotted everywhere.

In truth it is Easter that I first discovered my partner for 23 years loved another and this occurred 2 years ago. I have been dreading this Easter and unknowingly have built myself up into a state about it all. I shared with D and C and they helped me put it all into perspective and calmed me down.

I cannot go through life ignoring certain periods because of the past, I have to confront them the same way a Dad faces a babies leaking nappy for the first time. You don't have to like it but you have to deal with it.

There is no quick fix, there is no "get out of jail free" card, there is life and it comes with baggage and joy and laughter and pain.

So in short, The Nitemare Before Easter has been renamed "The Nite before Easter"

Bless you

Nite All