A New Beginning

A remark made by a very good friend (One that I had a massive crush on in High School hehe) and confirmed by others for a while made me realise that a new hat had to be worn by me.
It can become "comfortable" to live glancing over ones shoulder expecting the demons and ghosts of Memories Past to pop up and attempt to dominate and affect your future.

An example would be Christmas. Christmas to me became a tradition of family and friends, a large home-cooked meal and laughter followed by a doze (also known as a meditative relapse) on a couch and then a cleaning up operation of note. It was a time where no cost was spared and credit cards, cash and accounts were pillaged and plundered the way a puppy would devour your favourite slipper. There were traditions that included the erection of the tree, dusty boxes weighing more than Aunt Eva's bottom brought  down and unveiled. Not Aunt Eva's bottom but the boxes Mark.
Lights, millions of wooden characters and scratching my dogs head as she watched all of this with the excitement of observing a snail waiting for its Garmin to acquire satellites.
It was a lovely Hallmark moment and I loved it.

This will be my third Christmas since the divorce and my girls and I are still attempting to find our groove, there is no tree, there is no dog and Aunt Eva and her bottom and bosom are long forgotten. I am peace with the new Ted and we are getting along pretty damn well when he isnt trying to go cold turkey and bulldoze his way through time and space.

So it is with a smile that salute and thank Dr Ted's Divorce Adventure and welcome Dr Ted's Life Adventure.

Lights, camera, action and please no white speedos, after all parental guidance is advised for sensitive stomachs.

Bless you all for your comments, thoughts and encouragement. All are appreciated and accepted with an open mind.

Nite All

Birthday

Years have a way of sneaking up and accumulating and this can be seen as getting older or as I prefer to think, collecting memories. 

Birthdays are not as important to me anymore, what is however is the joy and love of friends and my amazing family. I have folk who tease me mercilessly and I love it.

 I have few wrinkles as the fat hides them and my rotound face is living proof of that. Eat away those wrinkles and lines haha. My angels still get so excited about my birthday and I love that innocent excitement. Life is ok. The challenges will always be there so no need trying to bury them under illusions of Grandeur. Yes, I get sad feel low despondent, but I also tease laugh and kiss and hug. But the cake! Man I need a cake today! Being divorced does not unfortunately entitle me to a complimentary cake. A little sad perhaps.

 So I await the arrival of today the same way a puppy awaits its master returning from work.

 Nite All

Journey Back in Time

The Journey to the coast and back begins with my arrival at OR Thambo International Airport. I am packed, my luggage feels heavy, laden with 15 novels for my Mom, a leatherman, cable ties, chewing gum and a torch. I am the Indiana Jones of our era, Dr Ted vs the Open Road.

I have packed a selection of music ranging from Nirvana, Sasha's Dance hits to Sherryl Crow. My underwear is sorted into casual and socialising  and then driving. Have keep it all in place when you driving!

Arrived at the airport, checked in and helped an African Mama load her luggage onto the conveyor, she had one bag just for her hats and it weighed a ton!!!!!

As I entered the mens room, a gentleman smiled at me and said "Welcome to my Office". I smiled and wondered if I was meant to shake his hand? He was the cleaner who had promoted himself to MD of his department, his attitude reminded me of how far we had come as a young Democracy.

Met my cousin, took possession of the Citi Golf and after a brief stop to get some perfume for my Mom, I headed off to JBay.

Upon arrival, I walked into my parents house and met my Dad, who wasn't quite sure who I was.
He looked good, a little confused but fortunately not scared of me.
He didn't really talk to me but kept a wary eye on me. My Mom arrived and gave a kiss and Dad immediately got up and came and gave her a kiss too.

By the next morning, he walked up next to me, whacked me on the shoulder and stood next to me. It was a special moment.
The next morning he was in bed and I went in to greet him and he said "hello Ted" and gave me a kiss. That moments recognition seemed to pass quickly but was so precious.
His Parkinsons should have taken his life many years ago but his incredible stamina and my Moms personal care and love have kept him going.
Today he walked up to me and asked me who I am, I told him I was his son, his baby. He replied that I was a bloody big baby and walked away.

There have been times when I thought I caught a glimpse of who he used to be, I cannot praise my Mom for caring for him 24/7 and refusing to give up. What a woman, what a privelage to call her my Mom and nothing I could ever do could make up for what she has done for Dad.

Nite all

Goodbyes and Hello

I parted with my Italian Stallion, my sportscar, my wanna be Vespa today. My Fiat Uno 1100cc has found a new home and we will no longer be the irresistible force any longer.

Gone are the days where my vocal engine sounds drowned out the real engine, where I would make tyre squealing sounds and look at myself in the rear view mirror in a look of amazement and pure joy.

So soon I depart for the shores of the Port of Elizabeth to pursue new adventures, meet old friends I have never met, friends I miss dearly and spend quality time with my parents. Alas Matt we cannot share that beverage I was so looking forward to, next time my friend.

My Dad has very advanced Parkinsons and there is very little chance he will even recognise me. My Mom has stood by his side faithfully and looked after him and cared for him as if he is a baby.
I am proud to call them my parents and even though I haven't seen my Dad for over 3 years, I know it will be hard to see him now.

I will be driving the 1100km back next Monday and will use the time to contemplate the past 2 years and determine the path for the year ahead.
The open road, good music and an overactive imagination, how much trouble could I get into haha.

So I am hoping that the Dark Ages are behind me and the Season of Light is about to dawn. I have packed sunglasses just in case.

Nite All

Alone is Ok!

Candy told me that there would be a point where I would no longer dread the loneliness and accept being alone as a time where I could relax. She also told me that this would become a time I would treasure and even look forward to.

As it is in most cases with her, she was correct. But let's go back a step or two.

I have always been someone who has been surrounded by people, a family of 6 growing up, team sports, the army, my own family unit of 4. I have never been alone and as such when my marriage ended I was not only devastated, I was also completely alone for the first time in my life. It scared me to the point where I was even unable to sleep without a light on.

The silence haunted me and made me panic with what if scenarios and eventually drove me to the point of madness. But that is the past.

Two very important truths were pointed out to me, one was that I would be able to be alone and not be lonely and two, that I had to learn to love myself again. This is not the sort of Johnny Bravo "Hey pretty Mama wanna come up to my room and see my pretty muscles" love. It is an acceptance of who I am, an ability to love the man in the mirror warts and all. It is the ability to see the wrinkles and accept them as life lines or laugh lines, a change of perspective and willingness to forgive myself and then in time others. I must be able to love the man in the mirror before I can truly love another.

What we project is also what we attract, project anger and inveribly it will come to meet you, live and love life and you will attract people to you because they want to share in your joy. By accepting who you are and striving to be a better person for unselfish reasons, you will attract love and warmth.

So tonight, remember that "Alone is ok".

Dating after Divorce

Is there love after divorce?

The simple answer is yes.

There is however a but and this is where it gets a little complicated.

Love after divorce as I have found it has two levels, firstly if there are kids involved and secondly if the emotional issues of the first relationship have not been worked through.

When kids from a previous marriage are involved the your kids scenariou has serious issues concerning discipline, love, attention etc. To find an acceptable balance is about as easy as explaining why the stripper at the front door knows you on a first name basis.

I have 2 daughters, both teenagers and to attempt to introduce a third woman to the equation would be like juggling with porcupines. How would I  divide my time in a manner acceptable to all parties and still retain my already stretched limited sanity?

I still find myself watching my girls sleep and wondering what the future holds for them. Simon has a boyfriend, Nicole is battling with her own issues and is looking for Dad time and attention as well. She starts High School next year and I imagine her mind and body are changing as we speak.

So back to dating. How? When? Is it possible?

I don't know, I fear I might somehow be putting my girls before me and the thought of hurting them more than they have already been hurt is not negotiable. The look in their eyes when I had to tell them that Heather and I were getting divorced will haunt me forever. Their tears hurt me more than finding out about the reason for our divorce.

This doesnt answer my question, it does warn me of possible pitfalls and incidents that need to be taken into account.

As for finding ladies to go on dates with, anyone got a sexy single sister, someone interesting whose brain I can explore and laugh with and spoil with home cooked meals? Anyone?

The Good news?

Well, my girls have settled and we have an amazing open relationship.

I have incredible friends, a loving family and a body that comedians would kill for.

Nite All

Cheeseburgers & Dating

Monday morning 04h30 and a new week has nudged me not 
too gracefully out of bed.
As I climb into a bath rudely chastising myself for being overly generous with the cold water, I contemplate the 320km that will be travelled, the meetings and the admin that will await me with the excitement of a 2 year old fed on chocolate cake.

Is it abnormal to crave a homestyle cheeseburger at this time of the day? 
Slapping my belly and smiling as I wallow in my ever warming bath water, I decide no! 
A cheeseburger is the mans equivalent to a womans chocolate, it is the food that brings a smile to the face of the most miserable grumpy sour person you know. It is messy, juicy, salivatingly sensual and leaves you feeling as if you have just made love to a beautiful girl. 

I shaved, combed and dressed and sat down to a chocolate cluster cereal.

My appointment for 05h30 arrived at 07h00 and being Monday I simply smiled, shrugged and rose to greet it.
The day was busy and tiring and then the mother of all bombshells struck!

My Simon Has A Boyfriend!

Dads and dating teenage daughters, I did promise her I wouldn't kill him.

Nite All

(Now where did I put my night vision goggles and camouflage kit whahaha)

Flirting

There is a natural flirting routine that has existed since the day that men went clubbing and had to drag their woman back to the Love Cave.

The casual flicking of the hair, licking of the lips, raising of the eyebrows and touching of the other persons arm or hand. The trick is not to do it all at once, this will simply move you from the category of interesting to "Freak alert" status in the blink of an eye.

Flirting is indeed a language of its own, it is a little like sparring, testing, probing and seeing the response and then deciding on your response. This is a natural response and we do it without even thinking of it.

I remember every single move I made that didn't work, the obvious ones and those that happened before I could stop myself. In retrospect I am glad I tried and groaned inwardly as opposed to wondering what if.

A question if I may, is it possible for a single man to avoid the charms of a beautiful woman?
I would appreciate an honest answer.

For the more aggressive daters, I don't classify growling and cheesy pick-up lines as flirting..

Here are a few killers;
Did you fart? Because you just blew me away
You know what? Your eyes are the same colour as my Porsche.
If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".
I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!

If however they have worked for you, then cheese away.

Nite all