New Years Resolutions

It seems a reasonable time to bring up the matter of New Years Resolutions. We have survived January and now the real grind of work, school and life has settled into some sort of routine.

The lady in our reception at work was telling me how exhausted she is, the maddening chaos of getting back into a routine is indeed hard work and stressful. With my girls it is the parents responsibility to buy all the text books and get them covered, stockists ran out and then the re-ordering and running up and down began.

It seems strange that my resolutions are no longer give up beer, exercise, study or save for that special unnecessary yet essential toy.

This year like last year it is simply to survive. That’s it.

Times are tough and recession has hit my industry in a big way and there are times when you are unsure if you will be eating chicken or praying for an invitation to supper from a friend.

As a good friend told me, my situation is not unique and many find themselves in this predicament. The workplace has transformed itself that we very seldom are in the same field of employement that we were 10 years ago.

I have been a Coca Cola Rep, a Safety Rep, A Health Food Rep, A Travel Agent, Been involved in Car Hire, worked for a national magazine and now am involved in the Quality field in Engineering and mining. No I didn’t get paid for the exotic dancing so its not a field of employment.

My take on Darwin is not that we originated from apes, but rather that humans evolve to adapt to and survive their present circumstances. Survival is not negotiable.

When the wheels fall off in my life and I lose hope and my sanity reaches that of Jehovah Witness at a Redneck Wedding, I call out to a very special friend. She knows me better than most and understands my chaos and somehow manages to calm me, focus my mind and encourage me.

In our darkest moments, an angel is sent to be the company we need till we can once again see some light.

Nite All

Raising Teenagers Made Simple

I will not murder them I will not murder them I will not murder them!

Sound familiar?

How many parents of teenagers have sworn this self-motivating chant to themselves?

I have 2 of the easiest most well behaved teenaged daughters in the world and yet, at times I feel the urge to spice them, baste them and add the proverbial apple to the mouth and slow roast them. Remember the promise we made when we became parents and entered this world with the enthusiam of a puppy attacking a roll of toilet paper? We swore on all things holy, pure and blessed that we would NOT become like our parents.We would be different! A new generation of parenting, after all what did our parents know.

Reality is that we try the best we can, by trial and error, add love, frustration and worry and somehow we get through it all. I am a single Dad with enough finances to raise one and a half kids, I have two and as I ponder the expenses vs income, I am well aware that I can not resort to exotic dancing on re-inforced tables in my sleeping hours. I now longer require beauty sleep as this is as good as it gets. The greying twitching ex-hunk is no longer able to party till 2 and bounce into the office at 7 unless he has been catapulted into his work station.

Questioning their music and in particular rappers with names like Lil Drake, 25 cents and the Usher will be the equivalent of you dancing in public in their presence.

So to those fellow parents of teenagers, we love them, we feed them and we guide them. we can do no more.

PS in terms of shopping for clothing for these little angels, I have discovered that a fistful of cash will save you fortune in return trips exchanging items you so lovingly chose. Do not be offended, simply accept that your taste in fashion died as your eyesite deteriorated.

Nite All

Valentines Day Tale

And so it came to be that Cupid once more forgot his Garmin at home. The little blighter must have been too busy watching Jerry Springer and ran out of time again.

I assumed that with it being a leap year, the ladies would have leapt at the opportunity to invite a gentleman to dinner, serenade him and if all the love gods were aligned with the latest toys from Apple, blessed him with a heavenly kiss. But alas, no such fortune befell me. My hope is that many of my friends, both of the male and female variety were commercially and romantically engaged.

The origin of Cupid is indeed an interesting one. He was the son of an archer and his mother was a fallen angel of the other side of the clouds. He was small for his age and kept his youthful looks with the aide of continual waxing of all unwanted body hair and bleached hair. Cupid did not partake of the botox chemical as his chubby little body and face repelled wrinkles as a garlic breathe repells unwanted relatives. He was a shiny, smooth little midget and his wings were marvel to science, how he managed to stay aloft has been attributed to one factor only, his love for baked beans and boiled eggs. This might explain the origin of the phrases "love is in the air" and "Cupids flaming arrows".

So in conclusion, a poem fresh from the cuff

There was a young lad from the city

Whose face was far from pretty

He met a shy lass

Of considerable mass

And they just broke bed number thirty

Happy Valentines Day one and all

Dear Dr Ted . . . .

Dear Dr Ted

For purposes of this correspondence please refer to me as Dwight. I am a 39 year old male, single and in need of urgent advice.

I have an incredible craving for a glass of white chilled Chardonnay. Am I gay?

Dwight

Dear Dwight,

I can only surmise that you have run out of beer, red wine, whisky, bourbon, tequila and and coffee.

Have you considered a trip to the local pub?

I am not in the habit of checking my emails for lavender scented wallpapers, but I have to ask, do you like long walks in fabric outlets?

I am unfortunately between relationships and as such can recommend such social organisations like Manchester United, The Sharks Rugby Union, Country Music and Australian Footie.

Good luck and cheers

Dr Ted