The Road Ahead

How do I set myself free from my past, how do I move on and turn my back on the facts and memories that have made me who I am today. If they shaped me and have created the person I am, is that enough or does life have more to offer.

The truth is that I need to move past the divorce and the affair and somehow allow the changes to take place that will allow me to be the person I am meant to be. Better, healthier, more balanced, healed with a more balanced appreciation of who I am meant to be.

If we stop living and refuse to grow, we begin to die. There is no limbo state.
If you exercise you become fit, if you don't your muscles begin to disintegrate. So the question is simply, do I want to hang to the past or accept that a new reality with opportunities await me?
Will I be hurt? Yes
Will I be happy? Sometimes
Will I love again? Maybe

It is not whether I will have it all or live a life deprived of certain aspects, it is that I need myself to be allowed to be changed by the experiences and let my mistakes make me realise I have to change. I cannot enter a new relationship with all this baggage, it is not fair on the other person. I am a new person in the making, I need companionship though I long for intimacy.

What I seek now I cannot have for I am not able to deal with it.

So the journey continues.

Nite all

Love?

So explain love to me again.
Explain the faith it takes to put your trust in someone so deeply that you not only give them your heart on a silver platter, you give them a carving knife as well. And then you walk away and trust they will do the right thing.

And what if they don't?

What if they get bored, what if they start seeing it simply as a chunk of meat? What if . . .

I don't know about love, I don't know what it will take for me to date let alone risk moving a relationship to another level. I don't know about staring into someone's eyes and smiling, holding hands as you sit together and desperately waiting for work to end that you can get to see them.

I want to believe,
I want to know that there is more than this.

Perhaps I am simply selfish and need to rather put my energy into my girls and leave love to sort itself out for better or worse. So selfish love seeker and dreamer or just a fool who needs to get on with life?

You tell me.

Good night