So summer is virtually on our doorstop, gym memberships are through the roof and a whole array of diets have taken over the world.
Our mirrors that were hibernating the whole winter now get shown bodies normally reserved for the Wierd and Wonderful Freak show.
There are also the German tourists who wear bikinis and speedos irrespective of hair, fat, warts and respect for the beautiful people. Guide dogs cry at the sight and babies stare in mock horror.
There is only one sensible way to attack this situation and it is by means of dieting.
I have therefore taken it upon myself to publish Dr Ted's Anti-Diet.
It is a six week plan and involves dedication, perseverance and will power.
Without further ado here we go;
Dr Ted's Ant-Diet
There are some basic rules that need to be covered and adhered to.
1. You need to bath in at least 8 glasses of water every day!
2. No chocolate should be eaten with the wrappers still on. It will hinder processing in the colon and bowel.
3. Avoid fat at all costs and do not touch it or anyone who has it, so in short steer well clear of all fat relatives.
4. Exercise is essential! Watch it breathe it smell it, spend time in the gym, all the good ones have a coffee shop situated inside and you can experience the full ambience without having to build up a sweat.
5. A personal trainer of the opposite sex does wonders for eye exercise and neck muscles as you strain to get the perfect view of that butt in action.
6. Accessorise accessorise accessorise! Get the kit, look the part, the amount of calories burnt up by getting into gymgear is the equivalent to wrestling a family of 4 for that last cheeseburger. And wear the headband, it is also great for stopping children screaming during tantrum times.
This will help you en route to your ideal wait for perfection and the effort will not go unnoticed by your GP. If they aren't, change GP's!
Happy Dieting!
