Where is Love?

Why can't I find love on my doorstep?

I have been divorced for 13 months and yes I get lonely. I enjoy my quiet times and own company and when I have my girls it is hectic and exciting and fun. The week I don't have them is so very different, like goats milk and cream soda.
I feel a void where something is missing, I am not sure if it is a spiritual void or emotional emptiness. I know the healing process is a long one and the friends who have and are walking alongside me are amazing and supportive in so many aspects. Why does friendship and company seem to present itself to me over 1000km's away, why can't it be on my doorstep or at least in a closer proximity? Could the reason be that I am not ready now for this next phase in my life? I hope not.
I know I am not ready for marriage and that level of commitment, but friendship, companionship and even dating would add something that would somehow make me feel "wanted or needed".

I want to shout to the heavens and scream 'Why! What! Help me understand! Perhaps I am simply being selfish and need to process to take its course and at the same time I want to be more proactive. Instant society equals instant gratification. I feel like a whale trapped in a sardines body, I want to explode, be all I can be but am not ready for the emotional responsibility that comes with it. Spiderman was told the same and he still found himself in sticky situations. Batman found himself partying or fighting for his life with no rest between the extremes. And as for Harry Potter, well he kept going back to a school where people were trying to kill him, same as the mentally challenged cheerleader who goes into the haunted house because she heard a scream come from it.

Sometimes stupidity comes from it all and we need our friends to hug us, turn us around and lead us home.

Do I want love? Do I want a kiss that will rock my socks off? Do I want to wake up and see a beautiful face sleeping next to me? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Time will tell.
Nite all

A Little Madness

It warms my heart to the point of bursting when I hear my girls voices over the phone and they relate with great excitement the events that happened that day and even more so when I get the occasional ‘I love you or I miss you Daddy”.

You see in reality, all it takes is a few choice words and hugs to keep a parent happy. We are not complex and even if we act that way, it is simply a guise to hide and protect that part of us that is too private to share in case it is used against us. Sometimes we are so caught up in the environment we have developed or that life has thrust upon us that we simply give up and go through the motions of life. We become robots that live for our annual holidays and the rest of the time life blurs past us, so my question is this; What are we going to do about it?

Add a little craziness to your life and here are a few examples that have worked for me;

· Make yourself a Gin and Tonic in a thermal travel mug and go for walk sipping as needed

· Sing some Italian opera to someone you don’t know in a shopping centre

· Pay for someone’s parking

· Go skinny dipping at night

· Eat a slab of chocolate for breakfast

· Go shopping for something you cannot afford and have no intention of buying

· Wear a crazy hat

· Read a newspaper upside down in a busy coffee shop

· Tell a waitress to bring you something to eat and drink and let her decide what to bring

· Wave and smile at people you don’t know

I think you get the idea, take an ordinary day and add a little magic, a little humour, add some spice to your life. We aren’t talking rocket science, I am not asking you to re-invent the xBox or get arrested for indecent exposure, just step out of your comfort zone and feel that thrill again.

Buy a t-shirt you would never dream of wearing and see if anyone says anything when you wear it, so I trust a little feedback will be forthcoming from some of you and man I can’t wait to see what you come up with.

You owe it to yourself and even more so, you owe it to your neighbour.

Have fun and Nite All

A Year without Beer?

Since we last crossed paths, it seems as if a lifetime has passed and I suppose it has been a mixture of mother-in-law and ex-partner or to put it into simpler terms sweet and bitter, you may decide which is which.

Christmas eve was delightful as Simon and I spent time with Stephen and Marilyn (brother-in-law and very pregnant sister) and it was a case of too much food, a little too much chocolate caramel cake and a drive back home which took about 40 minutes. Then Simon and I had to find a store open at 19H00 on Christmas Eve to buy five different packets of jelly for her to make the chocolate trifle. We ended up in a store on the wrong side of the good and spent time counting the number of people who actually had shoes on.

We went home and before we made the jelly, Simon opened her presents and she jumped, bounced, clapped her hands and squealed.
Christmas Day and we decided to go to our old church, I was greeted by one of the Pastors at the door with a smile and "Oh Christmas and Easter!" Needless to say I suddenly remembered why we weren't going there anymore.

Making a trifle for 25 was fun and I mean messy all hands in and laughing and cream on the face fun. It was huge and heavy and a work of art, doves wept and angels mouths watered.
Add a frantic call to Candy about the recipe for the biscuit base and we were on the way to a peppermint crisp tart, then off we went and lunch awaited us. King prawns marinaded overnight and fried in garlic butter, WOW!
The four 4 boys made a sizable dent in the trifle and by 5 it was time to return Simon to her Mom. Heather and Nicole greeted me at the gate and I got my Christmas hug from Nicole.

The next few days were a blur of meals with friends and swimming and getting burnt and trying to put in the back of my mind that my girls were away for 2 weeks. The Lips, Wrights and McNamara's, Leff's and Eric and Debs, you guys made this one so much easier to deal with than last year. Simon and I agreed that CandyOnline was such an intricate part of my support and recovery program that statues needed to be erected.

And as for 2011, well reduced beer intake has been suggested and the withdrawals have been alarming and images of bunnies and halflings and singing beer bottles followed by a chorus of spicy chicken wings and pork chops have made me rethink this disturbing request.

I hope for more talks with my girls, more hugs and deeper respect of each others opinions. I hope for female friendship and if at all possible a kiss, a simple request perhaps, but something I need to reaffirm that somehow I am still "marketable". Time will tell I suppose.

For now my wish for you is that you may find joy where you least expect it, love that brings you laughter and memories, health to awake each morning and walk and smell the worlds scents and finally that dreams will not be forgotten or cast aside.

Nite all.