Love me Do

"Lol just think for a moment lol 37, lives with a cat in a house with a grass roof, loves conjuring up things in her cauldron, never married, abducts children, feed them too much chocolate and sweets? I would have been burnt as a witch ;) lol"
The Witches Diaries

And yet she seems to have cast a spell on me without us ever meeting, is this possible or am I simply over analysing the situation.
Just let your hair down ( I have to wet it to get it to stay down), you deserve this after the last couple of years, the inevitable keep it friendly and stay in control, you don't want to rush into anything. Man o man there are so many thoughts, opinions and situations spinning through my head.

How do you feel Ted?
Um really?
Yup!

Ok, well here goes. I feel like a school kid who is so excited he can't sit still, I am the 10 year old the night before Christmas waiting for Santa to arrive, I am the teenage girl watching Bella being kissed for the first time by Edward in Twilight.
I don't want to be careful and restrained and tread lightly, good grief I want to dive in clothes and all and see what happens.

I want to feel love and laughter and dance in the moonlight with another, smell the aroma of wine on her breath and stroke her hair as she rests on my shoulder. I want the air to smell sweet again and to fill my lungs with eyes shut tight.
To feel anothers touch as I hold her hand and feel the tears of joy build up as my heart dares to explode.

But what if she doesn't like you, what if she leaves you?
Then I have at least tried, I cannot wait and hope for an angel to fall into my lap, I have to venture out and explore. The risk for failure is there, but the opportunity for love is far greater and worth the risk.

So with a smile, a deep breath and a heart beating a little too quickly. I am off.

Nite all

The Nite Before Easter

Easter has come and gone and it was spent with my girls. That should be all I have to say.

Nite all

Ok, you need more body to the blog so here goes.
Twas the night before Easter and all was still, gentle rain caressed the earth and a slight chill filled the air.

The father and daughters were watching television and oblivious to the threat that lurked in the room next to them.

When they least expected it, darkness struck and absorbed all the light. A gasp escaped the lips of the girls and their eyes widened, a mild panic set in.

All they had were candles, food for a week and chocolate bunnies, these were grim times indeed.
We interrupt this transmission for a word from our sponsors, ACNE (African Candle Natural Exporters) where candles can be spotted everywhere.

In truth it is Easter that I first discovered my partner for 23 years loved another and this occurred 2 years ago. I have been dreading this Easter and unknowingly have built myself up into a state about it all. I shared with D and C and they helped me put it all into perspective and calmed me down.

I cannot go through life ignoring certain periods because of the past, I have to confront them the same way a Dad faces a babies leaking nappy for the first time. You don't have to like it but you have to deal with it.

There is no quick fix, there is no "get out of jail free" card, there is life and it comes with baggage and joy and laughter and pain.

So in short, The Nitemare Before Easter has been renamed "The Nite before Easter"

Bless you

Nite All

i Dream . . .

 

Is it my imagination or did I seem to remember dreaming a lot more when I was a kid than I do now. Or is it simply that my memory was a lot better back then.

My girls tell me of their dreams and ambitions and I smile and admire the excitement and passion behind them.

When I left the corporate rodent race, I made a choice that led me on a road of exploration and survival. I thought by doing it I would ultimately be able to keep and protect my family and bring us closer as a unit.
My adventures included the life of a cook, testing of pressure vessels, 2 years on a construction site and then ultimately involved the world of engineering and manufacturing.

In the process I lost a wife, held a dog who had become my best friend as she was put to sleep, gained some new friends, cemented old friendships and most importantly, formed a bond with my daughters that money couldn't buy.

In my wildest dreams I could not envisage all of this 6 years ago, I would have considered the possibility of seeing a rib bone emerge on my body as a more realistic possibility.
It hasn't all been a tea party and there were times where I would hide and cry and wonder what the hell I had done. I stopped dreaming and switched to survival mode, I forgot to live and just went into robot mode.

Dreams allow men to wear tights in a world where no-one laughs at them, women to any outfit without any question of whether it affected the size of their bottoms.
It also enables us to do more, try more and definitely love more, dare to dream.

Nite all

The Positive Art of Divorce

It sometimes takes waking up at 02h15 in the morning to see the flip side of the coin, life is a little strange that way.

I have been battling with a particularly stubborn case of depression in the last 10 days and have had to drag myself out of bed in the morning.
It was as if I had lost my way and desolation and despair had clouded my thoughts and swallowed my joy.
Then it hit me in the face like a cold fish, there were many positive aspects to my current situation.

I could make myself coffee and have rusks in bed anytime without the obligatory "what the hell are you doing sweetie, do you know what time it is"?
Strolling around the mansion naked in winter was permissible and required no explanation or justification.
All sides of the bed were my side and the only person who stole the duvet from me was well, me.
The toilet seat is always in the correct position.
The vegetable drawer in the fridge was the best place for beer and tonic water, this does make me smile whenever I open the fridge door.

It may all seem a little selfish and perhaps it is, but there is a definte sense of cavaliership about it all. I am tempted to enter my abode with sword in hand and a gleam in my eye daring the shadows to attack me.
To date they have refrained and thus my swordmanship and authority remains unchallenged.

It is now 03h15 and sleep beckons like a mermaid seductively luring me into her loving arms.

Nite all.

Rude Food

"What happened? One minute I was in cruise mode and the next my world was spinning out of control and someone had removed my mood food and replaced it all with rude food."

That was from over a month ago and since I can honestly say that as much as I do miss it, I am coping. The flu, headaches, stomach ailments and fact that sick leave does not feature in a contractors vocabulary didn't encourage the situation.

What has brought a proverbial 'smile to the dial' is that I am starting to feel much better, my memory is better than it has been before and I don't mind the scary bastard in the mirror.

I real food labels and roll my eyes in mock disgust as I endeavour to understand the necessity for acids and colourings and chemical additives. Am I in fact a hi-tech state of the art machine who requires these additional extras to function beyond my peak capabilities? Truth is some days this machine of magnificence battles to raise its bottom out of bed.

Do I miss my rude food, oh yes, can I live without it, definitely.

It is but another step forward in a journey of life as I seek more not the sake of greed, but instead to enjoy and savour and ultimately share with others.

Nite all.

School of Parenting

So I had to fetch Simon's report from school after work and I was a little weary, but hey its all part of the package.
I arrived and the first thing I noticed was not the prefects meeting and greeting us with a friendly polite "Good afternoon Sir / Ma'am". Neither was it the clean school property or the organised manner in which it was all planned and executed for the ease of collection.

Nope, it was the parents collecting the reports.
There was the extremely smooth charming and supposedly hilarious parent who strutted even more when the prefects smiled politely, the parent who the moment they entered the school property with their child began criticising and sternly running them down. You could see the student switch to stupid mode and show as much interest as the person working at lost luggage in an airport.

Then you have snob, who feels it is beneath them to greet anyone, smile, wait in queues and is so inconvenienced because she could be at a waxing or pedicure or planning her new nose.
Or what about the couple who hardly completed their argument and now have to "act" married. They are locked in an endless struggle for power and would rather beat each other with baseball bats than share a compliment.

My thought through all of this was, what the heck have these kids done to deserve this. My ex and I may not agree on much anymore, but when it comes to our girls, I would like to think we are adult enough to consider them as human beings whose welfare we are responsible for.

When did parents become such bottoms?
Has it always been this way?

I have friends who are unable to have kids and would be brilliant parents, then you have other folk who treat their offspring as if they are nothing more than an intrusion in a successful social life.

Nite all.

Yesterdays Youth

Its cold outside, my washing machine is wailing and moaning like a 6 year old being dragged off to Sunday school and I have just had coffee and rusks. Last night I had a burger with good friends and spent time at a shopping centre waiting for my Simon and her friend Shanny Pooh as they mingled, giggled and socialised. I watched young folk killing time running up and down escalators, smoking, sharing slush puppies and telling each other how "hot" or "not" other teenagers were.

I found myself wanting to respond the way my parents would have and then remembered that what seemed like yesterday, that used to be me. Time sure flies when life is pushing you downhill on a bicycle with no brakes. I have tried to take the attitude of less shouting and moaning and more attention, yet maintaining the boundries and discipline. So I want to be a fun loving rock. Maintain eye contact when I am spoken to and LISTEN without prejudice and answer with love and honesty.

Not easy.

I constantly have to remind myself that I am Yesterdays Youth and used to be the frowned upon and lectured to.

We were just looking for love and attention in a tough playground called life.

Good Nite All.

Flu for One

Its not as cool or exotic as it sounds, in fact its very similar to calling a middle aged man a bachelor, it is either a choice he made and has as such accepted and content with. On the other hand if you are a bachelor because of divorce or death or some other fate that life has dealt you, then it has a completely different connotation altogether.

Being ill in a family enviroment brings back memories of people checking up on you, tucking you in your bed and smells of coffee, home made soup and a faithful dog next to your bed. A voice asking quietly " how you feeling Daddy".

It is slightly different now.

You are alone in your home, inveribly you have downsized your living space accordingly not by choice, you no longer have your dog.

Waking up to the smell of coffee or home made soup doesn't happen, maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself or perhaps I am just sick and worn out.

I wonder how many of you have felt the same and who cannot comprehend this because you have someone who loves and cares for you. You are truly blessed. Appreciate them and thank them even if its just a hug.

For my special friend who messages me to see how I am doing, bless you.

Nite all

Day 94

The battle has been raging for some time and our resources are low, we have sustained attack upon attack and our forces are weary.

At first we attempted to contain the enemy to one area, but this failed and we have lost ground steadily. The morale of the troops is low and there are murmurs that maybe this a battle we cannot win without an alliance. I hope it will not come to that. The alliance they speak of is clinical in its methods, it destroys both enemy and friend alike and leaves the battlefield barren and desolate.

And so I have made an executive decision, antibiotics will not be our partner in this war, a combination of homeopathic infantry and cold/flu specialists will lead us in an assault on the core of the enemy, if we slay the master of the beast perhaps the beast will lose heart.

My head aches, my body is tired and my throat is raw, I am armed and ready for battle, I am prepared to fight.

Let the onslaught begin!

Nite all