Shopping on a Prayer

I have to state that this eating 3 times a day 7 days a week does not agree with my budget in the slightest.

Milk is cow juice and cows eat grass that grows everywhere for free!
Why the heck does it cost so much and all its by products like butter, cheese and cream are not aluminium plated or wrapped in newspaper.

Have you had slight tremors and held your breathe as the teller rings them up with the passion of a serial terrorist bomber heading off to lala land.
Then the shock!
You fight back the tears and hand over your little plastic card and religiously chant as you wait for the machine to dial your bank. Please go through please go through.

I have a theory that more prayers are said at check out counters than any churches or religious centres. What does God do when He gets this flood of prayers and checks his Godberry to confirm that it is not in fact Sunday 09h30 but a weekday at 17h30?

I can only afford to have supper on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and every alternate Sunday. Judging by my above average waist, minute compared to Sumo wrestlers, it may be assumed I steal from orphanages on the other days.

A friend told me to floss carefully and then hang the dental floss out to dry. The little string of flossbits apparently provide substantial protein for that last week before payday.
I do believe I have just lost my appetite.

Nite all.

Lost Art of Responsibility

What makes human beings different from animals in regards to parenting?

Agreed we all make mistakes and unlike the crime syndicates we cannot bury all our mistakes despite the pleasure it might bring us.
Yes, parenting is hard work!
Yes, we need a little help from our friends and these include the occasional indulgence of chocolate, coffee, alcohol or exotic displays of affection.

What I am leading up to is that in my humble somewhat disturbed and possibly selfish opinion, it supercedes and overrides the wants and needs of the parent.
Have I lost you? Kids come first, the choice to bring them into this world is not a hoohah of "look at me" but rather a case of love, encourage, discipline and supportive positive guidance.

Am I the perfect father?
Hell no! I have been impatient, snappy, stressed and not listened to my girls. I have overreacted and hurt them without realising it and I will never forget that.
I have also embarrassed them by driving in circles with them in the school parking lot, skipping down the walkways in shopping centres and singing back at choirs in the presence of my girls.

I have learnt from divorce to be a better Dad and listen when they speak, cuddle when they need it and support when it would be easy to criticise. Basically by treating kids with love and respect they will return the favour, by spending time with them and involving yourself in their life, they will not only accommodate you but gladly spend time with you.

You don't need to survive parenting, you can enjoy it and make it part of a combined relationship between you and your kids.
I also have a relationship with my litchi and avo tree in my lounge and yes with my beer. I speak to them.

But firstly my priority is to my girls.

Love you my angels.

Nite all.

Dedicated to single parents, your efforts are not overlooked.

Memoirs of a Waitress

So it emerged in a conversation with 2 beautiful ladies over a beer tonight that Sugar Tits is not an ideal name or nickname for girl.
Yes Diets, I was as shocked as you.

In a blog entitled "Memoirs of a Waitress" I was alarmed, amused and amazed at the male species and their attempts to lure waitresses into their beds. Agreed alcohol was involved and men and alcohol combine as well as men, methane and a naked flame.
Is it because we think we are sexier when intoxicated or that we ooze charm and slurred sex appeal when tipsy?

Maybe it is just a game played between patron and waitress and one in which seldom the males bluff is called. What would happen if she said yes? Mmmmm interesting.

I have never been a waiter so cannot understand what pressures apply. I have seen and experienced professional waitresses flirting for tips and have enjoyed the sparring of words and interaction, mostly innocent I would like to believe.

Tonight I toast those ladies who have endured the jeers and taunts of many of my colleagues and have woken to smile and serve another day.

Nite all.

Blog for Mel

B.A.D. (Blessings After Divorce)

Who would have thought?
Candy? Dee? You should both be smiling, my special sisters who never gave up on me. You guys never gave up and showed patience and love beyond human understanding. Bless you!

Blessings, let me count them.
Firstly no-one in the world has two more beautiful sensitive loving daughters. When they heard the news of our pending divorce, it destroyed their world, they were shattered.
I didn't ever imagine that 4 could be replaced by 3 and still make a whole.

Their smiles and laughter are the chocolate and fresh cream in the eclair I call my life.
Yes their school-work suffered, there was anger, hurt and confusion, all I could so was love them, cuddle them and listen to them. And they understood and realised that I couldn't be all they needed but they waited.

Divorce is more cruel than telling me that Santa doesn't drink beer or that the Easter Bunny doesn't live in the Playboy Mansion. Its like discovering that mirrors don't lie and have a seriously malicious streak in them.

Divorce I must add is not a death sentence, but an opportunity to learn, ponder and start with a clean slate.
Memories from Heartache and Hope from Pain.

Nite All.

Get a Job

I didn't want to believe that its is possible or that it exists and yet it does.
It is very similar to Newtons 3rd Law of Motion which basically means, falling is the opposite of flying.

My shaky stable world has been struck by a tremor, a mini-earthquake. I do not have employement from the 21st October 2011.
So, Operation Find a Job Baby is now officially underway and all monetary token shows of affection should be stored in the wallet of electronic love.

I will not be convinced to come out of retirement and move back into the world of male exotic dancing, neither will I be exposing flesh for magazines!
No!
I will be taken seriously even if the mad clown in me has to dress up and wear a big nose and red shoes.

Good Nite All

A Little Magic

My humblest apologies for my neglect of you, I have been self absorbed in work, life and an amazingly giving person.
I have been stealing sleep at night and running on empty with the taste of kisses lingering on my lips.

When we are blessed in life, sometimes the awe of the moment is too much to comprehend. We need to remove ourselves from the magic and try and understand what has happened.
Does it help?
No, because its magic.

So what is the conclusion? I know not and all I know is I smile a bit more, see moonlight differently and understand hope a little better.

So let me touch on the art of philosophy, I only see Unicorns with the aid of Jack Daniels, I used to only hear mermaids belching en route to the gents at a pub. And tears were only accompanied by sorrow and heartache. No more.

Tonight, I sleep with mermaids singing to me and Unicorns dancing in a pale sober moonlight.

I almost forgot the Lindt! It hides in drawers and giggles in the excitement of being unwrapped and savoured.

Sweet dreams all