There are numerous aspects of life that seem to have changed radically for me since my divorce, perhaps the one I have battled the most with are my emotions.
They used to be extremely well buried and tucked away thank you very much, however counselling, reality and a zeal to be a better person have forced me to face them head on. It was alarming to say the least to feel profuse anger and emotional pain equivalent to hitting your thumb with a hammer. My eyes watered, I tried to hold in the pain but to now avail. I did what my mother often did, I questioned my sanity and felt as if the entire world was observing me through a microscope. I tried putting on a Tiger Woods face and almost believed I had fooled my friends, I hadn't but they humoured me and played along. All with the exception of one who took me by the scruff of my emotional neck and shook me silly. Sometimes tough love means the kick in the lower regions is required to make us sit up and squeak back to reality.
I fear emotions because I cannot control them and there lies a potential flood that could release itself and embarrass me. I am a man, a physical man, I went to the army and played rugby dammit. Before Brokeback Mountain all cowboys were John Wayne and Clint Eastwood and pain was dealt out not experienced.
I was wrong. I was a fool. I apologise and ask for forgiveness for those I offended or hurt.
My lesson came at a price, huge for me yet something that is turning out to be the most amazing blessing so far in my life. I feel life, sense it and am able to be vulnerable to it. I am afforded the opportunity to see my girls as little woman and not just my daughters, I respect that others have opinions and sometimes I need to shut up.
Now is one of those times.
Good Nite all.
They used to be extremely well buried and tucked away thank you very much, however counselling, reality and a zeal to be a better person have forced me to face them head on. It was alarming to say the least to feel profuse anger and emotional pain equivalent to hitting your thumb with a hammer. My eyes watered, I tried to hold in the pain but to now avail. I did what my mother often did, I questioned my sanity and felt as if the entire world was observing me through a microscope. I tried putting on a Tiger Woods face and almost believed I had fooled my friends, I hadn't but they humoured me and played along. All with the exception of one who took me by the scruff of my emotional neck and shook me silly. Sometimes tough love means the kick in the lower regions is required to make us sit up and squeak back to reality.
I fear emotions because I cannot control them and there lies a potential flood that could release itself and embarrass me. I am a man, a physical man, I went to the army and played rugby dammit. Before Brokeback Mountain all cowboys were John Wayne and Clint Eastwood and pain was dealt out not experienced.
I was wrong. I was a fool. I apologise and ask for forgiveness for those I offended or hurt.
My lesson came at a price, huge for me yet something that is turning out to be the most amazing blessing so far in my life. I feel life, sense it and am able to be vulnerable to it. I am afforded the opportunity to see my girls as little woman and not just my daughters, I respect that others have opinions and sometimes I need to shut up.
Now is one of those times.
Good Nite all.
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