Love is a drug.
It is the morphine that sometimes binds relationships and keeps couples together. It can be positive and strengthen you and enable to endure tough times easier or it can become an addiction that slowly destroys one or both of you and leaves you no more than a shadow of your present self.
I have not recovered from my addiction yet and as such I have days where I cope brilliantly and others where I am dragged to the edge of hell and must cling on till it wears off. I cannot predict when it will come, it is pretty much like a distant relative that you fear who arrives unexpectedly and then stays till they decide it is time to move on. I cannot simply erase it or ignore it for it must run its course and only time and God can heal it.
Add to this recipe of rehab the sudden removal of Coke Light and a litre of Oros a day, sugar, the reduction of chemicals, addition of nutrients and a change in diet and you have the makings of the Amy Winehouse classic hit.
Emotionally I am beyond weary and somehow hope I can supply my precious daughters with all they require from me. I am too tired to cry and find myself wanting to hide in a corner on a bad day.
Do not misunderstand me, I am a far different man from the man in the mirror last year.
And my addiction, well it has to be faced and I thank you for helping and encouraging me, you have no idea what a difference it makes having friends that journey with you. But now it is once more time to dream and who knows where that journey will take me tonight.
Good nite all
I stumbled across your blog while looking for another blog. After having read through your blogs, and seeing that you are struggling with your divorce I had hoped to read a lot more positive posts towards the end. I was saddened to see this was not the case. Let go of the past, focus on today, not tomorrow or the future, just today. Leave the bitterness behind you, forget about what was, enjoy the now.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the input Cindy Jane
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