The Kids Part 2

So much has changed in the past 2 years and yet there are still some consistencies, I am stronger, tougher and in the eyes of some harder.

But what hasn't changed is the lump in my throat as Simon stands in the driveway and waves goodbye to me and won't leave till I have gone.
What hasn't changed is that I battle to drive home and am unable to stop thinking about my girls.
Also the fact that we seldom speak on the way to their Moms house as we are all dealing with our own thoughts and processing them.

Even in a divorce where the needs and cares of the children are catered for, the upheaval from one parents home to another is tough for them.

My home is as quieter than the Clintons home when Monica's name is mentioned.

Kids are like avo trees grown in your lounge, protected yet still in need of love, nutrition and warmth. Our kids will radiate what we put in, treat them with respect and love, listen when they talk and encourage them to do their best.
Isn't it sad to see so many teenagers unable to chat to their parents because the folks are too busy, too irritable, too tired. Then we wonder why when the parents get older, they never see the kids when they leave home.

To be told that there is no-one or nothing in the world that you would be swopped with means more than everything else in the world.

Nite All

The Girl on the Roof

"She sprouts fire in the split of the proverbial eye
She oozes appeal that'll make a grown man cry
Her shoes, her eyes her musical passion
A mother a princess and a lover for fashion
When she welcomes you in she means all she says
But break her circle of trust and you better say your prayers
She'll cut you deep she'll watch you bleed
Yet save your life if that's what you need
So check on the roof and maybe you'll discover
The mystery girl a friend and a passionate mother"

Sometimes in life by some stroke of chance, a person crosses your path and leaves an impression you cannot forget.
They burst in and pick you up and hover, they smile and get angry and calm down, they inspire and motivate and open a door.

Not having met her I am astounded at her kindness and willingness to share, so we chat and message and laugh and frown.

Good nite to the girl on the roof all alone
As she listens to music and waits for her love to come or to phone

 
She's protective of those who are close to her and is as comfortable in the boardroom as she is splashing in puddles in her heels with kids.

Does she exist, is she real? She had better or else I have been conversing with an imaginary friend.

Her voice is alive, energetic with a hint of naughtiness and yet I believe she could change to an angry protective lioness in the blink of an eye.

So to you the Girl on the Roof, thank you for bursting into my life, it has been a wonderful adventure so far.

Nite All

An Episode of Loving

Good grief I am exhausted, physically, emotionally and the other ally whatever it is.

Singlehood is hard work, throw in a failed relationship, financial strain and work and you can feel your back buckling. It has been a hard time lately and my girls have been brilliant. They have been eating like homeless kids who have won the lottery and are so cute I can't seem to hug them enough. They are considerate and our time together is indeed what memories are made of. Both their birthdays are coming up soon and I look forward to that special day with them.

As to the failed relationship/dating/rendevous, well, it was sad because was a wonderful lady and we seemed to have so much in common. I figured it would have lasted longer, but I accept responsibility for maybe trying to encourage it when I should have let it run its course naturally. Adding jet fuel to a candle doesn't give you more light, just more of a flash and less facial hair.

I expect the tiredness is partly due to my brain being in overdrive and dealing with emotional helium balloons, you enjoy the party voice until the helium runs out. I am tired.

I feel like sleeping for 2 days and seeking my dream girl in my sleep and just soaking up her attention and love.

Meanwhile back in reality, pennies are few and life is expensive. I have managed to retain my rotund robust figure through sheer dedication and lack of exercise.

In response to the unasked question of what would I do for love, I have to answer that perhaps I am not ready, perhaps it is too soon or maybe that special lady is still out there.

Who knows? I certainly don't.

Nite all

What a Man Wants Part 1

I have notice that the average ratio of magazines for women compared to men is steeply in favour of the ladies.

This isn't because men don't read magazines, but more so because men read specialised magazines aimed specifically at their interests. Men do not generally read articles on feelings, emotions, love and relationships, give them something on sport, hobbies, technology, wheels or beautiful ladies and suddenly they will sit up and take notice.

We are in fact a simple creature and as such there are times when we are doing nothing. Men can sit quite comfortably in silence and not feel the urge to break the peace, I mean silence.

Some drink, some exercise, some smoke, some watch tv and some just keep the peace at home.

We enjoy a bit of space that is our own.

Have you noticed that the home is almost exclusively decorated by the woman, yes I know we have no taste and we often collect junk.

The bedroom, kitchen, bathrooms, lounge and even tv rooms are inevitably the woman's terrain, ladies give your guy a space. Often he will say it isn't important, but grant him somewhere to put his singing fish, that painting or sculpture that would make Liberance turn in his grave or that item of clothing you couldn't convince the beggar to take for fear of expulsion from the Society of Professional Beggars and Politicians.

Don't take him shoe shopping with you, he would rather endure a prostrate examination after a Mexican meal, see it as an opportunity to spend time with a friend and do the most boring deed known to man since having to pick up his underwear.

To be continued . . . .

Nite All

The Kids Part 1

As a kid in a divorce, I wonder where their loyalties lie? A family, torn apart by divorce, parents storming off in opposite directions and the kids standing shell struck and confused.

Imagine waking up one morning and instead of being in your home, you find yourself in a hotel room.

Instead of being able to run into your parents room and jumping into their bed for a snuggle, you don't know where you are. The rules have changed and nobody has explained them to you, your parents have changed and you are surrounded by tears and pain.

If a new partner is involved with one of your parents, you don't know how to address them or where they actually fit into your world.

Invariably a move to a new home is involved, the parents are involved with divorce negotiations and there are lots of emotions up in the air including anger, depression and trust issues. And somewhere in between this circus of madness, they need to "cope", go to school and act normally.

Good grief we expect a lot from them!

Nite All

Fade to Black

Have you noticed the effect of a pebble in a still pond as it first shatters the peace and serenity and then branches out in a tsunami type effect?
It is very similar to glass shattering or a watermelon exploding.

So then we move surreptitiously onto the subject of the human heart and not justs capacity to pump blood to all corners of the body but also harbours another!
What pray does it hold kind Sir?
It is the container that holds the measure of our love and when it is bulging it can contain unmentional amount of this affection.

But when it breaks, it is as if a cork has been pulled from a bottle of champagne and it is shooting against the ceiling.

So why fade to black? Well, it seems that when it starts getting dark, it does indeed get black.

"There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen."
SEAL - Kiss from a Rose

So it is time to learn, maybe time to lean and time to move ahead, onwards.

Nite all

Tea Sir

I have started drawing and it began as a way for me to somehow express another side of me, my writing helps me process and place thoughts in a filing system that will somehow make sense to me.

It has been said that we all border on some side of sanity and madness and all that separates us from the other is the ability to cope in our society. Let me elaborate. If we lived in a world where vegetarianism was the only option and accepted by all, would we not consider all meat eaters as murderers, animals and insane.

If that is the logic we enforce, would it not also pertain to our acceptance of western  versus eastern medicine? Could you justify the cost of freedom by the blood that is spilt by civilians who are no more guilty that you are for simply living and trying to fend for your family.

The way we express ourselves has a direct impact on those we come into contact with, I watched a friend greet a complete stranger and start a casual discussion with him. I was involved with my thoughts that I hardly even noticed him.

The way the world perceives us by the goods we own, the trophies we display and the manner we conduct ourselves is perhaps a reflection of the acceptance we seek from it.

Drawing is a outlet that enables me to forget for a while that I am who I am and allows me to escape in a world where I am free, released and even devoid of worldly worries. I am once again a child with a blank sheet of paper and a box of crayons.

So, I have jumped and skipped and waffled on in this blog in an attempt to say the following; in an attempt not to judge the stranger because he dresses, eats, loves or prays differently, offer him a smile and a beverage and ask about his day.

Nite All

War

I watched a movie that drew so many emotions from me last night that I just felt I had to write about it. My girlfriend (and yes I am smiling as I type this) suggested a movie called "Across the Universe". It is a musical based on the music of the Beatles set in America during the Vietnam War.

What really got to me was the draft system and how it was enforced. In South Africa, we had no choice and were sent off after high school to train to fight in a war we didn't believe in.

What infuriates me is that the 2 years wasted were gone, there were definitely aspects that were gained including special friendships and mental toughness.
Some folk were changed for the worse and some didn't recover.

War is simply a commercial exercise used to run corrupt economies and the impact on the pawns used to commit the killing is a calculated casualty.

You and I are simply numbers and as such are not entitled to think, speak or question the motive behind it. I admire those who protested against it and challenged the system, they called the government murderers.

"War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!"

Nite all

Take my Breath Away

There is a song from the eighties that is called "Take my Breath Away" sung by Berlin. I have encountered this and find myself amazed and caught in some sort of time capsule. There seems to be moments in my day where I am an onlooker gazing into my world and seeing all as if for the first time.

My girls, my precious angels who care so deeply and honestly for their Dad. Bless them as they too have been drawn into a divorce that was not their doing, the innocent suffer and they too must deal with the consequences and harsh realities. And they have, I am so proud of them and their honesty and manner in which they have walked beside me.

It has been 2 years and much has changed, I am a little more grey, a little more realistic about life and love and definitely less critical and judgemental than I used to be.

I have a home, a den to rest, recharge, think and entertain.
It is warm and smells of hope and dreams.
It reminds a little of the past and offers a glimpse of the future.
It is slightly disorganised because it is lived in and comes alive when people are in it like a puppy greeting its family when they return home.

And then, in the far side of my image is a new light, a new energy, an aura of warmth, joy and companionship with the promise of so much more. This is the hope that has crossed my path and added a silly smile to my face and the occasional blush to my personality.

"Take my Breath Away"

Nite All

Wow

It was a day that began with me waking up with butterflies in my stomach. I am more at ease facing 3 gangsters in a dark alley than meeting a lady one on one. 25 years ago was the last time I wooed a lady and I was scared I would mess it up.

Then I saw her in her jeans, boots and bright top and she was smiling, we sat and spoke and enjoyed lunch for 4 hours and it seemed to pass in 10 minutes.

We had coffee at her home and the next hours evaporated like a keg of beer at a 21st, I had to leave while I was still able to and have not stopped smiling since.

She is the cream in my coffee, my candle in the wind and lady in red, despite how corny it may sound it all seems applicable.

I had to restrain myself from even touching her hand and I was not sure if my heart could cope with that. Her eyes dance like flames in a camp fire and her words calm me and excite me in the same breath.

Somewhere the angels are smiling on me and for that I am grateful and blessed. To you who have journeyed with me in paths of brokeness and pain, a flame was lit in my heart today.

Nite all