Sometimes we hear news that hits to our very core, an opinion that shatters us and rocks the very foundation we have built our theories and beliefs on.
I have that. I have forsaken the most important task I ever chose to undertake as a divorced Dad. It doesn't matter that if I was aware of it, the truth is the deed is done and the consequences harsh. I created my own hell and have to look at myself in the mirror and accept what I have done. I have to look them in the eye and know I have let them down and I have to live with that. I cannot pray for forgiveness so how the hell will I even be able to ask them for it. They needed me to be the Dad that would come in on a white horse and whisk them off their feet and into the safety of their new home and I chose to fly out of town for my birthday.
So we can now add selfishness to the list as well. I just get better don't I? There is a stage in this madness I call life where I will have to suck it up and move ahead irrespective of the mistakes and hurt I have caused and endured, but it is not tonight.
Sometimes we cannot blame others when it is simply our own fault.
All I had to do was organise a bed!
Good night
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