Plea to a Friend

Hey C, sorry about earlier this afternoon, big meltdown again, just keeping it together for too long and then reality kicked in real hard. Huge battle with time frames and immensity of the whole situation.

Thanks C for listening and shaking me back to a state where I could breakdown and then focus again.
Sometimes I just get too lonely or too sad or even too shaken by the whole issue and find it hard to accept that this is happening to me and why me? And then I have to say well why not me! I am not exempt from all of this and I have to make the best of a bad situation. At the same time I am allowed to have all fall downs where it all collapses and takes me with it.

Then there are times where I really feel that God has forgotten me and I am alone in all of this, stupid I know. So much has been shaken and in some cases destroyed that eventually you begin to doubt everything.

‎​It is also a case of reaching the end of a day, sighing a huge sigh of relief and not knowing what awaits you tomorrow. Will I be able to handle it? Can I make it till 5? What if I break down? Is there ever a light at the end of the tunnel? Who am I and what is the person I will be at the end of all of this? Am I entitled to joy, laughter and ultimately love again or is this the way it will be till the end?

‎​Who decides who gets the happily ever after and the blunt end of the stick? What happens to shattered love and broken hearts? Are we able to love fully again? Are we able to fully trust again? Do I have to be broken to be made whole and why does it seem to take so long? Too many questions and not enough clarity. Good Night.