Why can't I find love on my doorstep?
I have been divorced for 13 months and yes I get lonely. I enjoy my quiet times and own company and when I have my girls it is hectic and exciting and fun. The week I don't have them is so very different, like goats milk and cream soda.
I feel a void where something is missing, I am not sure if it is a spiritual void or emotional emptiness. I know the healing process is a long one and the friends who have and are walking alongside me are amazing and supportive in so many aspects. Why does friendship and company seem to present itself to me over 1000km's away, why can't it be on my doorstep or at least in a closer proximity? Could the reason be that I am not ready now for this next phase in my life? I hope not.
I know I am not ready for marriage and that level of commitment, but friendship, companionship and even dating would add something that would somehow make me feel "wanted or needed".
I want to shout to the heavens and scream 'Why! What! Help me understand! Perhaps I am simply being selfish and need to process to take its course and at the same time I want to be more proactive. Instant society equals instant gratification. I feel like a whale trapped in a sardines body, I want to explode, be all I can be but am not ready for the emotional responsibility that comes with it. Spiderman was told the same and he still found himself in sticky situations. Batman found himself partying or fighting for his life with no rest between the extremes. And as for Harry Potter, well he kept going back to a school where people were trying to kill him, same as the mentally challenged cheerleader who goes into the haunted house because she heard a scream come from it.
Sometimes stupidity comes from it all and we need our friends to hug us, turn us around and lead us home.
Do I want love? Do I want a kiss that will rock my socks off? Do I want to wake up and see a beautiful face sleeping next to me? Yes! Yes! Yes!
Time will tell.
Nite all
Hey Bro Ted, Just started reading your blogs and you remind me of what I went through a few years ago. A dear and departed friend of mine once said "All good things come to an end...bad things too!" I have found this to be true in my own struggle, and it is my wish for you too to appreciate this. We have our ups and downs, but if we choose to allow them to, these experiences build character and make us better men. My struggle is far from over, but the light at the end of the tunnel gets ever closer, as will the light at the end of yours -even if it is as yet too distant a glimmer to be seen at all. Be strong my old brother in arms!
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