Shelter from the Storm

A good friend is similar to the difference between cheap single ply toilet paper and a really decadent twin ply! They look the same, accomplice the same, but the experience and gentle caress cannot be explained.

A good friend will not only help you when you are down and broken, they will provide a safe have for you to recover in.
Brian and Dee and Zane and Trav took me in when the walls came crashing down, they cared for me, checked on me through the night to ensure I had in fact fallen asleep and put up with my mood swings.
They fed me, loved me, hugged me and comforted me and asked for nothing in return.

These are the kind of people that when I moved into my first bachelor flat, came and helped me clean and unpack. Dee and Candy and Melissa cleaned like woman possessed and fussed over me to ensure I had a fair chance to start again.
What do you say to friends like that.
The Readsters brought KFC and helped me with a deposit and food so that I would be able to feed my girls over our first Christmas together.
They covered my counselling sessions when my sad face and tears touched them and Wayne brought me back to church after my rage and anger at God.

The Liprini's flew me to Cape Town for my birthday so that I could stare a mountain and see old friends and somehow just learn to breathe again.

So, why am I so fortunate? Is it my suave hair and wrinkle free complexion? I firmly believe that if you are verging on the borderline between obese and pleasantly plump, you too can be wrinkle free.

Sometimes you get to remove yourself from a situation and look down on your circle of friends and smile through the horror of life, it is almost as if they form a cocoon around you and fend off any unnecessary attacks.

A hug from a friend is like being wrapped in an electric blanket in winter, its like a hot chocolate pudding on a winters night or a air conditioned room in the middle of summer.
Words cannot explain it, it makes you smile and relax.

So to all of you, find someone who needs that cocoon of love and help them, it could very well be the deed that gives them the hope to continue again.

Nite all

My Young Friends

After a 10hr work day including 320km of driving, to sit with dear friends and enjoy a magnificent chicken and vegetable soup with a tennis ball sized dumpling sprinkled with cinnamon sugar, well it was an amazing way to end off a really busy day.

Special young friends like Craig and Gen, Brad and her Vickiness and Eric and Adel allow me to see the passion they have for life. They laugh, live, shout and cry so much easier than I did.
Their bond with God and each other has made me so proud to call them friends and I know they have so much more to give.

Isn't it sometimes sad to get to the midlife years and somehow lose touch with the younger generation. They seem to love and live more passionately and experience so much more than many of us who have sought security and policies and bonds and strived to live the middle class dream.
I have no policies, no bond and no worldly security, I live month to month and even though I battle at times I am coping. I am happier than I have been in a long time even though there are still huge financial hurdles I must face.
The difference is that I am honest with my feelings and am no longer afraid to admit when I am sad or lonely or excited and feel loved.
My young friends live in the real world and address issues on a level that makes them more mature than many folk much older than them.

So this blog is a thank you to each of them for the incredible personalities and people they are, I am truly honoured and humbled to call you friends.

Nite All

Money

I sometimes get the feeling that I am the only one that is struggling financially. Am I right?

It is still a week to payday and I have some coins left, I have run out of washing powder, have one roll of toiletpaper left, milk is low, internet bandwith ran out a week ago.
Does this sound familiar to anyone?

It seems that since I have been alone, things have just become very expensive and its ok to battle if you are alone. It changes dramatically when I have my girls with me, I can't let them battle so I do what any parent would do, I try and make a plan.

I would consider selling my 45 year old body on a street corner, but besides it being 1'C outside who would want me?

My girls go back to their Mom tonight so I can skimp it and hang in till payday, call it forced fasting without spiritual intentions haha.

Thanks and Nite All

Revolution

A revolution (from the Latin revolutio, "a turn around") is a fundamental change in power or organizational structures that takes place in a relatively short period of time.

My realisation that my marriage was over was a revolution, in the blink of an eye it was gone. It lay shattered and blown apart beyond repair.

And so began the 18 months of upheaval and emotional ping pong and then something else happened.
From the ashes and ruins a green shoot appeared, tiny and desperate at first but determined.

This little green shoot was "hope".
It fought from the dark burnt battered soil and emerged desperately seeking light. This has been the story of the last 6 months, no it hasn't been an overnight moth to butterfly revolution.
It was a candle being lit in a dark cellar, suddenly the objects that greeted my shins with silent giggles could be identified, my perimeter was vaguely familiar and the panic was replaced with a mild sigh of relief.

Ever had one of those moments?
It was the beginnings of an awakening and move from hell to midway stop, complete with cold water and meds.
You find enough strength to risk a bit more, a date, a smile, watching a love story or asking someone out on a date.
You suddenly have days where you embrace life with more passion and even an awkward skip in your step.

Heck I might even treat myself to a dream with a happy ending tonight.

Nite all

Fathers Day

I love my Dad.
He has been my hero since I can remember, he played cricket, rugby, soccer, golf with me when I was a kid.
He watched me playing for many years and when I received provincial colours for two sports, he was the proudest dad in the world.

As I got older we kept this bond and I recall spending many hours watching sport, braaiing and running with him.

Then Dad got sick.

It was just a shake in his right hand and leg initially. But it got worse, he got sicker and he started getting older and more fragile.
Dad had Parkinson's and the shaking got worse.

Then his brain started breaking as well, all this time my Mom never left his side and even now cares for him. I couldn't bear to see him like this, it hurt, it was sad and I felt so guilty for feeling this way.
I found it easier to avoid it than to confront it, the emotions were too real, too raw and my hero was a shadow of his former self.
I couldn't even apologise because he wouldn't understand, sometimes he thought I was still a kid and he would ask my Mom when I was coming home from school.

Today is also Dads bithday, 71.

Love you Dad, I so want to rewind time and have a conversation with you again. I try not to cry when I think of you and I dread my visit in July.
Not because of seeing my folks and particular my Dad, but because of the flood of emotions and I don't think I am ready for this.

Happy Birthday and Happy Fathers Day Dad.

I love you.

Flirting

There is a natural flirting routine that has existed since the day that men went clubbing and had to drag their woman back to the Love Cave.

The casual flicking of the hair, licking of the lips, raising of the eyebrows and touching of the other persons arm or hand. The trick is not to do it all at once, this will simply move you from the category of interesting to "Freak alert" status in the blink of an eye.

Flirting is indeed a language of its own, it is a little like sparring, testing, probing and seeing the response and then deciding on your response. This is a natural response and we do it without even thinking of it.

I remember every single move I made that didn't work, the obvious ones and those that happened before I could stop myself. In retrospect I am glad I tried and groaned inwardly as opposed to wondering what if.

A question if I may, is it possible for a single man to avoid the charms of a beautiful woman?
I would appreciate an honest answer.

For the more aggressive daters, I don't classify growling and cheesy pick-up lines as flirting..

Here are a few killers;
Did you fart? Because you just blew me away
You know what? Your eyes are the same colour as my Porsche.
If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".
I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!

If however they have worked for you, then cheese away.

Nite all

A Senseless Flirt with Reality

I asked a "slightly" stout middle aged Scottish gentleman who I work with if he had any advice for the dry skin on my legs, no this is not a normal request and yes he did ridicule me and shake his head.
He did however answer that if I added Tea Tree Oil to my bath water I would see a difference.
So I did. I added and bathed and lo and behold after 2 weeks my legs were . . . WORSE.

So Plan 2. I asked Dee who is not Scottish, a man or plump and is a trained beautician and her answer was as follows; Tea Tree Oil would make your dry skin worse, it did, so far so good and she proceeded to give me a small sample of cream which I applied.

OH MY COMPOUND NOUN!

So smooth! So silky! So incredibly (yet masculine) soft. My shorts slide over them with such ease it is as if gravity is inviting them to my toes quicker.

Motto of this tale, a grumpy Scotsman should not be mistaken for a beautician!

Tonight is Boys Book Club and I am so ready for it, I read the instructions on opening my Lindt Blueberry Chocolate in great detail last night and am ready to engage Stephen and Marcellus in a meaningful, yet intellectual guide to Safe Chocolate eating habits.

Safe sex, safe driving and now to our vegan tree hugging chanting and Enya loving audience, Safety by Chocolate.

And thus with smooth legs and all my limbs intact due to following the correct procedure in Lindt exposure I am almost ready to leave you.

One thought for the road,

If you ever find yourself seated naked on a hotel bed in a room reserved to Johnny Depp, it may well be that you have picked up your wife's bucket list instead of yours.

Nite all

The eX-Files

 

Now that I have your undivided attention, let me ask you a question.

What is worth fighting for?

Love? The House? Marriage? Furniture? Children? Money?

Why the heck is he asking this? Well to be perfectly honest, I have considered each and every one of the above and at some stage have fought for or considered if it is worth fighting for.

I was chatting to a new friend and he looked me in the eye and said, "Ted, I am 44 tomorrow and what do I have to show for it? Will I ever own a property again"

It is a reality that divorce has the potential to rip your lungs through your bottom and leave you gasping for air. Some folk walk away debt free, with assets, with fully paid cars and others find themselves shattered, ruined and tsunami's of panic rushing in.

The good news?

"It gets better Ted, but it takes time. Let go and let God." Thanks Candy.

This is a wonderful friend who has taken more of my questions, plea's and depression than anyone deserves. She never beat me once or broke any of my bones, I did however stay well out of range.

Thank you.

Does it get easier?
Yes it certainly does.
Am I over completely over it?
Nope, there are still some areas I really battle with. The most recent concern/obsession/dilemma is the desperate need for a partner or girlfriend. Why?
Who the heck knows?
For those of you who have been on the receiving end of my advances, thanks for the practise and the patience.

Nite All

I Love You

What is this love that we speak so glibly of?


I have seen more broken hearts and disillusioned people than I care to and I have myself felt and lived with it. But, and this but is of paramount importance, I have seen love, I have seen couples smiling and laughing and in love and it gives me hope.

Perhaps I have been looking too hard?
Maybe I have to let time and God heal me completely before I am able to accept another into my life?
Or could it be that I have to let go and just concentrate on my girls?

There is no answer and I do not the fate that awaits me, so I must simply move on and not ponder what is to be or might be or cannot be.
I do know I yearn for a companion, someone to share my joys, experience my excitement, comfort my sorrows and hold my hand as I move forward.

It is not just a physical yearning, a lust or sexual encounter I seek, it is a personal bonding and someone to share a meal, a moment and so much more.

So if you are out there, if you feel the same and if the time is right for us, maybe we will meet and I will be able to say, "Hi, I'm Ted, may I have the honour of cooking a meal for you"

Nite all

My eX

I was asked not to write about my ex-wife Heather in my blogs, however because we share 2 beautiful daughters it only seems fair that I do.

Today is her birthday and she is turning. 35ish and this blog is my gift to her.

How would I describe her?
She is passionate, a gifted person in the area of numerous crafts and the ability to teach them to others.

She loves our daughters and cares for them and like any parent with 2 teenage daughters I can only imagine the temptation to love, throttle, laugh and scream all in the space of 15 minutes.

Heather has made her choices in life as have all of us and she has taken to her new life with the purpose and passion that makes her the person that we all know and grew to love.


Despite our differences, disagreements and banging of heads, we both want what's best for our girls. We might not agree on much, but our personal lives are our own and involve Simon and Nicole.

So today I wish you a very blessed and wonderful year and trust it will be easier than the last one.

Nite all

Spiderwebbing

This is not what you automatically assume, no I have not been bitten by an indigenous exotic trait of toxic tainted yet ozone acceptable eight legged anacrophobiatic spider.

This is in fact a term that explains a technique of answering or explaining a matter to another individual.
It means to explain in such a manner that includes all the extra information we often neglect to add.
An example perhaps?
"Amanda Airhead is not trying out for the swim team this term"
would spiderweb into the following;
"Amanda Airhead, the seemingly natural blonde whose father drowned last week after falling into a vat of beer, will not try out for the swim team as she felt she be ridiculed by the other team members.
The team member guilty was a notoriously hairy steroid addicted shot-put specialist who had discovered the art of shovelling in food and swallowing without the added complication of chewing.

Spiderwebbing in all seriousness is a technique that can be learnt by all.
It is simply the explanation and justification of a point of view in a simple uncomplicated manner and attaching all the relevant information.

I have put this into practice with my girls and it is a pleasant change from the simple logical "fix it" route I used to have before. Its a real pity I didn't know it earlier as it could have prevented so much heartache. Better late than never

Tell it like it is, with all the bits.

Nite all

Mumblings

I have embraced June as a month in which I expected to write and do so without effort, in truth I have been so busy I arrive home dragging my supper weary potentially ripped torso towards the kitchen.
If the beast is fed, I am able to rest, relax and gently fade into the evening like a whatchamacallit into a doofadab.

I have 4 different chocolates in my fridge resting in a tray in the door section and yet they hold no allure for me. Now is that simply sad or the self control of a Jedi or a dream that has nightmarish conclusions? No idea. All I know is I have reserves and no passion to indulge.

My girls are dozing off and tomorrow I will be serving my famous world renown Chinese takeaways for my good friends Eric and Adel. They are salt of the earth folk who live, love and embrace life and squeeze each precious ounce out of it. Wine will be poured, food will eaten and tales will be shared.

It has been forewarned that in future times wars will be fought not over oil but water, I disagree. The most valuable resource known to women is chocolate and this is the commodity that will cause nations to rise up and bare arms.

So it is time to seek joy in the land of the Swedish Nannies and deep sleep.

Nite All

Hero or Villain?

What happens to the nice guys in the world today?

They end up losing time and time again. Everyone wants to be the villain, the kids see the swashbuckling pirate, the ex-con who gets his revenge, the good guy who has to cross the line to get what is rightfully his.
And the guys, well, they want the bad girl, the dark lady, the heroine with the tattoo and the distinctively naughty look in her eyes.

What has happened?
What are we teaching our youth, is it acceptable to cross that line to get what is supposedly yours?
I made mistakes, I messed up, I did the heavy alcohol, the recreational drugs, lived on the edge and a little over it.
I realise my decisions had consequences and I left the corporate environment after 2 TIA's or strokes of the brain.

My choice now is a simple one, do I continue along the path of the good guy and live a life that is morally acceptable or do I just say screw it all, its my time, its me time and bugger the world?

Truth is, irrespective of the hand life has dealt me and the burdens I carry, I have 2 daughters who depend on me. I need to somehow continue and give my girls a moral outline for dating, decision making and ultimately life. The manner in which I treat them must set a standard for the men they will date and eventually settle down with.

If this somehow means that I am to remain single, then despite the pain and loneliness, so be it.
Being a parent is not about you, its not about your wants and needs, its about your kids and what you can do for them. My decision to bring them into this world come with responsibility, love and dedication that will in turn allow them to be better parents one day.


So, would I cross the line for my wants and needs?
Nope, I think I Walk the Line

Nite all

A Choice of Colour

So I spent an hour and a half typing up a blog and specifically about my youngest daughter Nicole , then morning after 4 hours of admin in a cold office I went to find it only to discover that the resident roving ravishing genius that I am, had not saved it.

No swearing was involved and I refrained from banging my head against the wall, a definite sign that my medications are making me a better grade of robot.

To sum up in a nutshell the body of the unsaved/heathen blog was as follows.

My thirteen year old asked me whether she could date someone who I am led to believe is a wonderful charming lad. He is of a different race group and my mind immediately went back to my childhood where we were raised in an apartheid era and the majority of parents would not have considered this ever possible. You had more luck blowing your Corporal a kiss on the parade ground and surviving that.

So here it was, also being divorced and not always sure of what has been discussed with her mother, I tread lightly and engage in a conversation with her.

My girls have grown up in a post apartheid South Africa and have friends from various ethnic groups and stare at me with confusion when I explain how badly and inhumanely folk were treated in the old South Africa.

My concern is not that she wishes to date a boy of another ethnic group, it is simply that I need her to concentrate on her school work and also be aware of the possible lash back they might encounter and have to endure. We may be a democracy, but there are still scars and hurts from the past that some folk harbour bitterly.

It doesn’t seem fair that 13 year olds should be exposed to this.

This was the brunt of the blog and it is not something new as my girls and I have had this discussion in some detail already.

I am excited for the new generation as it moves into adulthood and the energy and acceptance of each others opinions and differences, it gives me hope that we are indeed heading in the right direction.

Nite All

Saturday for One

A day that rolled over from a previous evenings misery and dragged me to a depth of self pity I had not expected. I felt the desperate need to reach out, but the 2 folk I reached for didn't respond.

My angels spoke and I was sent on a shopping expedition for specific underwear, before I could I was enticed into an X-Men movie and a bowl of popcorn at 2 was my first meal of the day. The movie provided me with a glimmer of a smile and an escape from reality for a while.

Wonder what my mutant power would be? Mutating into a cigar smoking surley son of a gun with an itch for trouble, oh hang on that sounds like someone I used to date.

I saw many families, friends dining together, the girl in the green jersey was cute and had straight dark shoulder length hair, her dining companion had the look of a female predator, the look of one who could remove your heart and eat it as she fluttered her eyelashes at you. I ate and the sushi was spectacular, the first beer delightful and the second a wonderful encore.

I stared longingly at a triple layered chocolate cake with slivers of chocolate cling to the side like a like a pregnant woman clasping her partners hand as she gives birth. It was not to be, I tore myself away gasping for breath and headed home. It would be coffee for one.

There is a need for a coffee rendezvous where singles can mingle, chat and if need be head off for a movie or meal together. Now for some series and my first coffee for the day.

Nite all