Christmas vs the 'D' Factor

There is one thing we all fear more than breaking down in the middle of a desert on a full moon evening and having Aunt Judy lecturing you from the back seat about how cars never broke down in the old days, how she was going to die alone and wild beasts will devour her. You refrain from telling her that not even the hungriest coyote would eat her sinewy old carcass and the amount of reserve methane she transported in her intestine would make Little Boy (the atomic bomb) look like a Christmas cracker.

The one thing we fear is debt.

Personal Debt has the ability to bring us all to our knees, break relationships, cause a wide array of illnesses including high blood pressure, stress and sleep depravation to mention a few. It gets worse because our society encourages debt and the moment you lose control it spirals so quickly that before you know it all you have worked for, slaved for is at risk of being taken from you.

Do you remember that first clothing account, the ultimate joy of your first purchase, the excitement and sense of power as you walked out the store, buyers high and man o man you were untouchable, in a good way not like the mucus glazed kid at the doctors room that is blowing snot bubbles through its nostril as it sleeps on its moms lap. Nope you were James Bond, Spiderman, Invisible Girl and Mr Bean all wrapped in one, you were untouchable.

Then you applied and received your first credit card, shiny, new and begging to be used. You bought a few things and then splurged and bought a big item, you were a little nervous and had doubts, but you did it. Then it was too late. You used your second credit card to subsidise your first. Visa vs MasterCard and nobody won yet the chaos continued.

My life is filled with bad decisions made with good intentions and wishes and dreams that somehow faded under the burden of debt.

I trust you will heed this warning and somehow realise that things mean nothing and love and family and friends carry so much more meaning.

Good nite

Driving with Chopsticks

Yes it is exactly what you think it is.
By my definition of the law, talking on a cellphone whilst driving is not permitted, however it says nothing about eating Chinese with chopsticks whist driving.

It was interesting and yes I was hungry and wanted to get to my destination so stopping was not an option. It does make turning sharply a little more difficult, but it can now be ticked off my list of things I never thought I had to do yet did.

I do realise that I am no movie star or famous model, perhaps mirrors do not weep when I step away or sob uncontrollably for me to return, but I am beginning to like who I am.
I am foremost a father, a man who takes parenting seriously and wants it to work. I mess up, I get angry, annoyed, impatient and do not feel very pleased with myself when I do.
I want to give my girls everything and with Christmas looming as close as a Tom Cruise to Katie Holmes, it is very hard for me to look at my potential budget vs potential gift list.

I want to spoil them and see their smiles when they open their gifts and somehow hope they won't be disappointed.

So what is a Dad to do, well like most folk, we do what we can, give what we can and love them and cherish them while we can. I have to lower my expectations and be more realistic when the entire worlds marketing campaign tells me to give more, do more and be more.

At least I drove with chopsticks today and suprised my girls by coming home a little earlier.

Good nite all

Dr Ted's Diet

So summer is virtually on our doorstop, gym memberships are through the roof and a whole array of diets have taken over the world.

Our mirrors that were hibernating the whole winter now get shown bodies normally reserved for the Wierd and Wonderful Freak show.
There are also the German tourists who wear bikinis and speedos irrespective of hair, fat, warts and respect for the beautiful people. Guide dogs cry at the sight and babies stare in mock horror.

There is only one sensible way to attack this situation and it is by means of dieting.
I have therefore taken it upon myself to publish Dr Ted's Anti-Diet.
It is a six week plan and involves dedication, perseverance and will power.

Without further ado here we go;

Dr Ted's Ant-Diet
There are some basic rules that need to be covered and adhered to.
1. You need to bath in at least 8 glasses of water every day!
2. No chocolate should be eaten with the wrappers still on. It will hinder processing in the colon and bowel.
3. Avoid fat at all costs and do not touch it or anyone who has it, so in short steer well clear of all fat relatives.
4. Exercise is essential! Watch it breathe it smell it, spend time in the gym, all the good ones have a coffee shop situated inside and you can experience the full ambience without having to build up a sweat.
5. A personal trainer of the opposite sex does wonders for eye exercise and neck muscles as you strain to get the perfect view of that butt in action.
6. Accessorise accessorise accessorise! Get the kit, look the part, the amount of calories burnt up by getting into gymgear is the equivalent to wrestling a family of 4 for that last cheeseburger. And wear the headband, it is also great for stopping children screaming during tantrum times.

This will help you en route to your ideal wait for perfection and the effort will not go unnoticed by your GP. If they aren't, change GP's!

Happy Dieting!

Coffee for One

Friday night, a series and making filter coffee for one.
Sad, well perhaps but simple and sweet as well.

I have almost been divorced for a year and Friday nights have taken on a completely different meaning, with my girls they are hugs and cuddles and warm moments that would melt a marshmellow man. Then there are the other ones where you are a little lonely, a tad sad with a hint of optimism.

I was told over a pork chop to lighten up my blog a little, so here goes; by the power not vested in me I now pronounce this blog light!

When I think of light I think of girls beer, thin sickly looking models and hospitals that are white and light! There is a sickly pale sadness about that pure white light, it reminds me of cancer and CAT scans and I don't want to go there.

I want to dance the night away, sit on a beach and hear the waves roll in, sit beside a fireplace in winter and drink hot chocolate on a winters night sitting under a blanket watching the moon.
I would prefer not to do this alone.

Coffee for one.

Lonely or peaceful. Sad or satisfied. Depressed or thoughtful.

Am I encouraged that I am not the only one in the world that feels this way or simply sad because I would not mind being with one of those people tonight. Perhaps just perhaps one day the will be 'Coffee for Two'

Good nite

Stages of Life

There are stages in ones life that require different strengths, different skills and different motives.

When I was in the army, I required strength of mind and physical endurance to survive the first 6 months, sanity for the next 4 months and then the ability to play the game better than the system the following 18 months. It was a case of being one step ahead of the enemy, in this case a 18 year neanderthal who assumed he was God and made sure you remembered it.

It was a case of fighting fire and threats with stupidity and confusion, ignorance in the hands of many can humble a self made God and cause him to speak in rages that sent spittle flying like vegetables from a 2 year olds mouth.
If you succeeded in defeating them and the system, you had won and they had very little power over you.

Courting on the other hand involved charm, patience and hidden agendas, it was more espionage that direct confrontational warfare. You wou attempt to extract information with subtle hints, inexpensive gifts and kisses that would have sucked the false teeth out of a grannies mouth. The young passion, the gleam in the eye, the telephone calls that seem to last forever yet produced no answers. It was like hugging an octopus, you knew it was dangerous but convinced yourself you could leave at any time. And all this time the game of cat and mouse continued.

Then the male proposed, his offer was accepted after a few attempts and he assumed he had the upper hand. He would son be lord of his mansion with his young wife eager and willing and waiting on his new found wisdom.
Or so he assumed!
It was not long before the tables were turned, the hunter became the trapped deer transfixed in the road as the bright lights raced towards him. He felt no pain as he was stripped of title, his estate and his wisdom.
She had him.
She smiled sweetly.
She had him.

It is the circle of wife, sorry life and as such we live, love, gather memories and shed tears.

I have no regrets, only memories and maybe the slightest glimmer of hope.

Good nite

Listen and Support

It is very seldom that I begin writing a blog without having some sort of idea of where I am heading and what it is going to be about. So basically I am asking you to follow or join me as we just touch on 'things' and see where we end up.

I spent the whole of Saturday in bed after having early coffee with a dear friend and my girls, they chatted and laughed and I spent most of my time watching Simonne and Nicole. I seem to doing a lot more of that lately. They are no longer my little girls, they have become little ladies with opinions, real emotions and direction. They have recovered from the initial shock of divorce and have found their feet and accepted what i still battle to comprehend. They have moved on.

They speak of boys, hobbies, plans, future and possible subject choices and career choices. I cannot give them all they want materially and emotionally, I love them so deeply and have a bond I hope will remain forever, but they need female input. its not that they don't get that from their Mom, she loves them dearly. What I am trying to say is that they need role models, they need listeners that aren't necessarily their parents to chat, dream, laugh and vent at. I remember as a kid wanting to be taken seriously and even if I could not get my way, at least just to be heard. We shout them down, laugh at them and sometimes use the phrase that we swore we would never use as parents, 'Not now honey I'm a little busy'.

The world has gone mad, Liverpool are mid table, vampires are the good guys, the Queen is getting Facebook and Justin Bieber is considered sexy. The pace we live at and the pressure place on the youth today at school and by their piers (I almost typed "pears", can you imagine a really aggressive intimidating pear) is ridiculous. When are they supposed to kids? They have Facebook, Mxit, Gmail, chatrooms and texting and access to the whole world slime and grime included. They can Google pedophiles and porn, they can get it all on their cellphones and we seem to have very little we can do to protect them.

This is not a blog that is slating technology, I love technology and accept the good with the evil, I just don't want my girls to be exposed to all of the nasty stuff yet. What is a Dad to do?

The parenting side is basically done, they are 12 and 14 and all the groundwork is complete. All I can add are the odd bits here and there and provide emotional support as they stumble from the nest and face the world head on. I have to let them fall, but can assist in getting them back on their feet and then have to stand back as they venture forth again.

Parenting is as easy as convincing a 2 year old that chocolate and spinach are both good for you. It is an exact science that has basic outlines and lots of grey areas, like George Bush winning the Nobel Peace Award.

So our stroll went somewhere. My head hurts for the fourth day in a row and I must leave you.

Good Nite

Sleep

I can't believe the weekend is here, no I am not going to say that 'yawn' I am a little 'yawn' well maybe I will close my eyes for a second just a zzzzzzzzzz

Good grief I feel like I have run a marathon or even worse, eaten too much pizza and now when I lie on my belly my head can't touch the pillow. What's happened? Is it the end of the year tiredness or is it sleep deprevation from my twenties that have all come at the same time to cash in their dues. Friday night and I have a headache and my bed is my best friend for tonight.

Perhaps I can try yoga but I have visions of snoring and disturbing the other yogimites, or there is also pilates! Stretching and rolling on large rubber balls and using inner muscles? Hang on! That could mean deep inner muscle cramps which lead to screaming like a 2 year old deprived of ice cream.

And what is left? Tryathlones haha the harder I try the more I deny! Running? Well my wobbly bits complain and there is a searing pain somewhere between my ears and toes. Swimming means wearing a really tight piece of rubber on my head and yes people point and laugh. Others fall off training bicycles and a man without a neck and steroids popping out of his eyeballs dropped a weight on his foot and used language that reminded me of a Walt Disney pirated 2D movie.

Enough, Sleeping Meds 3 - 0 Ted

Nite all

UberDad

I am tired.
Tired of a lot of things, firstly dieting is for fat people and I am merely pleasantly plump, I have thin toes and the wrists of a professional darts player.

I like food, I love cooking and I love coffee. I haven't smoked a pipe for about 5 or 6 months and have a selection of pipe tobaccos that would confuse a police sniffer dog for ages.

I want to be UberDad, the bestest of the best, I want to be loved by my girls and have realised that raising teenage girls is like falling from aladder gracefully. You do your best but at some stage you hit the ground and can either lie there swearing or get up and scream 'The Aliens did it'.
UberDad puts so much pressure on himself that he questions everything including his kids love for him. It took a friend to tell me I was a bloody idiot and needed a good kick in the pants. You see, I can't buy their love, I can't win them over with false promises. I need to be real, be there and be a Dad and let time take care of the rest.

I love them that there is no doubt of, I regret putting them through a divorce and that was not their fault and had nothing to do with them at all. I am sad that it will more than likely affect their relationships with men at a later stage in their lives, but I pray that somehow the right man will sweep them off their feet and love them unconditionally. I do not wish to hurt him . . . . much haha.

So what is a Dad to do?
Just love them and care for them.
Be there when they need you and be consisitant in all your decisions.

As for the rest, well I can only pray.

Good nite

Is Life Affordable

Living! Damn its expensive and yes I know it beats the alternative, but good grief I can't be the only one battling.

Milk, cereal, beer, chocolate and other essential items have skyrocketed and cash is dwindling and disappearing faster than Toyota's reliability reputation.

I hate that I have to 'survive' for one or two weeks a month and somehow make a plan to get through. Its frustrating that I cannot seem to put any savings together, have no insurance and am basically surviving from month to month. It can be soul destroying at times, please don't get me wrong, I have food in the house and my girls are fine, but I would love to have medical cover in place for them and ultimately me.

If you had a choice between soap or shampoo, what would you choose? Soap provides unlimited entertainment if dropped in the bath and you try to find it. It does however on the negative side burn the eyes more than shampoo. Shampoo comes in a container and floats in the bath making it profoundly easier to find. Decisions decisions!

I have one daughter giggling and the other sulking at the moment, ladies will be ladies and emotions run rife and stable is not a word to be used to describe them. Teenagers have to have boundries and yet wish to feel as if they are independant and not controlled or caged in. To find a balance can be easy or harder than keeping carrot juice down.

My ramblings tonight must end.
My cash flow is non existant and the piggy banks have been raided and pillaged more times than France.

Good nite

Spin Cycle

Long before the invention of sliced bread and loin cloths there was a profound need for the washing of clothes on a more regular basis. It was apparently brought on by some Woman In Fanatical Evolution, let us refer to to her simply as WIFE.

WIFE so we are made to believe had an over developed sense of smell and when the all conquering all knowing fearless warrior returned from a 2 year crusade scarred and limping, he was banished to the river to cleanse himself. WIFE was ruthless, but she would engage in sweet grunts and kitchen groping if the groper did not smell more than the slightly off fish bit soup.

And that my friend is how the laundromat was born! So I sit at a bench with three other men, the machines hum and turn and silence grows. The last 10 minutes have taken an hour and I somehow long for the boredom of a doctors waiting room, at least they have magazines.

I have counted 10 flies circling the corner where a drum lies with a stick next to it. There is a sweet packet on the slotted table that has leaked and dripped onto the floor and a cheap clock on the wall just too high to be stolen easily.

It would be safe to assume that I didn't get the washing machine in the divorce, it wasn't worth fighting for as my girls would require it more frequently than me.
"What has gone behind does not determine what lies ahead"
Its on my wishlist to Santa along with lots of other toys I will save for another blog.

My machine has changed it pitch so I somehow hope that the end is nigh.

15 bucks for a wash, I think I will visit a grave site after this and take some photos, it is Sunday so expect more than just the average homeless person there and maybe even the chance of fresh flowers. If found I will place it on the blog for all to criticise and ponder.

Damn we have only reached 'rinse' mode, this is worse than attending the wedding of distant families pregnant teenage daughter to a nervous partner who feels he would rather be home studying for his exams.

Spin cycle, I am so close I can smell it! Oh for a mug of steaming filter coffee and a friendly face!

Done! Finished!

Off for some photos at the graveyard and then home.

Goodbye

Rainbow

There are storms that hit us throughout our lives, not just during our 'crisis' moments like death, divorce or medical crisis. They have a tendency to hit and then seem to go into repeat mode and keep bashing, when it seems we are unable to take anymore they will send another wave that will sweep you off your feet and keep you pinned to the ground.

There is a train of thought that suggests that the for better or for worse till death us do part indicates that there is no other option. I used to be one of those ignorant souls, I believed that it was fixable in almost all situations. How foolish and arrogant of me.
We so easily condemn, judge and wave our religious, non-religious or scientific flags and disregard anothers opinion for the sake of our belief system. We remove the human element, we remove love for our fellow man, our neighbour and our enemies. It is so sad yet it is not a new train of thought, but old as man.

The storms make us realise that no man is an island and we need to rally around each other and care for each other. By reaching out and helping another we restore a little humanity to ourselves.

We will be ridiculed, insulted and shunned for doing what is not the norm. But that's ok, we have the opportunity to make a difference.

I am trying to see the traces of a rainbow after each storm. Maybe one day I will see it with more clarity, but it is there.

Good Night

The Christmas Looms

There are Christmas decorations and chocolate Lindt Father Christmas men lined up like toy soldiers. I love Christmas, well I used to before the divorce. The music, the family time, the excitement, the greeting of friends, Christmas cards and whipping out the decorations and watching the girls setting up the tree with millions of lights and tinsel and little creatures.

The morning Christmas service, hugs and smiles from strangers and the prospect of too much awesome food followed by pudding that would kill the healthiest elf alive.

Everyone seems happier, people are more chatty. But that was before divorce.

Now there are books and courses that give us coping tools to survive Christmas. I didn't understand this, yet even last year when I had my girls with me it was different. Now there were 3, something was missing and it seemed that it had taken a huge part of the joy with me.

Friends rallied round us and we joined in the festivities, yet my girls and I found ourselves lying in a spare room after lunch. It was all too much. Nothing was said and yet we were all thinking exactly the same thing, what had happened.

Life has a way of dealing us a deck of cards, it would be easy to blame the dealer and somehow pass the proverbial buck. It would be easy to blame the other party and simply give in to all the pain and surrender life and simply give up.

Please do not misunderstand me, I am crying as i write this because the pain and the memories are still so real and the wounds so raw, but I held the cards and I played the game. There are consequences for our actions, but there is also second chances. Rebuilding and preparations are slowly being put into place, I say slowly because I have tried everything to speed it up to no avail. God works in His own time and we cannot dictate, rush, bribe or use any emotional persuasion to somehow influence His decision if we truly want peace, real peace. I don't have that yet.

This Christmas i will see my girls briefly, it will be difficult and I am not sure what coping mechanisms will be required to carry me through it. I have amazing friends that will rally round, but I still have to face the changes, the new rules, the absences and pain on my own.

If I remember correctly, the last Christmas Service we attended as a whole family was the one I wore a Father Christmas Suit to church, it caused many smiles and much interest from the smaller members of the congregation.

This year will be different, my tears are bringing the necessary healing and my heart is heavy. I am also tired and emotionally drained.

Life has a way of continuing whether we are on the ride or not, I am hanging on and when I feel I am slipping, invisible hands carry me.

I hope you will have someone to love, hold, spoil and care for you on this special day. If not, please mail me and I will respond to you on Christmas Day.

Good Night