Coffee and Gifts

Choice of CD for tonight is Good Charlotte – The Young and the Hopeless

I awoke, bathed and headed off for my session with R. The 2 main items on my agenda were gifts and coffee. Let me elaborate.

Gifts. I have been struggling financially since the divorce to make ends meet and as such have been assisted by friends and these blessings have meant that I am now in a lovely large penthouse (flat sounds so yesterday) with food, a running vehicle and paying the bare minimum to accounts until the sale of the house is resolved and I can make an informed decision on the way ahead. As a token of my appreciation for the love, assistance and opening of homes to me during this period of absolute hell, I take great delight in returning favours wherever possible by cooking the odd meal or the giving of a birthday gift. My friends and adventurers on this walk with me feel that I should not be spending any unnecessary funds on them, but rather use it to survive and slowly build a foundation that will enable me to breathe a little easier. This all makes perfect sense except for one tiny problem, my greatest gift is to please and assist those that are dear to me and the giving of a gift brings me untold joy in a somewhat difficult stage of my life.

Do I go with my heart and do what has possibly been one of the reasons I find myself in now or do I simply wave my bottom at the world and give the gifts? I don’t know and there is not a simple answer for this.

My second item was coffee. Yes the ground bean strained in boiling or nearly boiling water and served to your hearts desire, sweet and black, white and bitter or any of the aforementioned combinations. The difference is that this no normal coffee my friends, but has an ingredient that since the age of man has brought disaster, joy, war, passion and madness to man, woman. Yes I am entertaining the thought of coffee with woman, real woman, willing woman who perhaps need an ear, a smile, a laugh and of course some coffee. What does this entail for me? Well, it will get me out of the penthouse, allow me to meet new people in the same situation as I and might turn out to be quite fun. I think it will be extremely difficult initially and do expect the occasional disaster complete with glare, stare and flicking of hair. However the opportunity of friendship and sharing of life experiences could be bloody marvelous.

Supper tonight was an occasional to celebrate life after a tough day emotionally and physically.
Broccoli gently fried in butter with parmesan and served with melted cheddar, creamed spinach, baby potatoes done in garlic butter and rump steak in a sweet eastern marinade with freshly ground black pepper and pan fried in butter. All served with a smooth glass of red wine.
Good. Yup. Soul food.

I feel that I have reached a stage in my life and divorce adventure where I need to take another step and move onwards through the daily challenges before they wear me down completely. I am uncertain of how to spend more time with my girls and this is difficult and sad result of the devastation of divorce. Tomorrow is Friday and a weekend with the two most beautiful angels in the world awaits me, I cannot wait for my hugs and cuddles and all the exciting news of who, when, why and wait Daddy there’s more!
For now, a bath, a cappuccino and some mysteriously dark smooth chocolate and then retire to my bed and engage the Internet in some passive aggressive surfing.

Good night all.