Refund Please

I want a full refund on today please!

It was not worth getting out of bed this morning, I should have stayed in bed, attached myself frantically to a passive pillow and just slept.

But no, against my better judgment, I awoke, got out of bed and pretended to treat this Tuesday like any other.

Big mistake.

My life currently is an emotional roller-coaster where I go from coping to straining and panicking to hiding from all and sundry. Today was a hiding from the world day and did I do that? No! I decided I would a hero, I would meet this day head on, use my best Billy Connolly accent, squint at Tuesday with my good eye and lick my lips in anticipation.

Tuesday ignored me like a sleeping dragon counting burning sheep.

So I bravely went about my usual business and all seemed to be normal. I didn't notice the tightening in my belly, or the hair on my neck raising and not even the dark looming shadow forming over me. Nope I was in lala land with the girl of my dreams and the wind blowing through our hair as we gazed over the ocean.

And then it hit me.

Hard. Clinical. Deathly.

I was brought to my knees and could feel the emotion build up in me. It had reached within me and ripped out my confidence, my hope, my dreams and any progress I felt I had made in this battle. I felt crippled. I felt shaken and defeated. I felt void of all emotion, hollow and dead.

I am now lying on my bed as I do not have the energy to get up and make supper. The radio is off and my head is ringing.

The only reason I am still even able to type this is due to my guardian angel, Super C who has patiently reassured me and encouraged me most of the day. When required, reality checks were thrown at me and I admitted to decisions that had added to make this situation worse, hard tough advice was given.

We all need a guardian angel in our lives and mine has kept me going through terrible times. Thank you Super C.

I am so weary now and it is only 17H36, I have no more to give today, could I have my refund please?

I have no music for today.